Dead Inside. Noelle Holten
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what the fuck is going to happen to me?’
Lucy waited for his breathing to return to normal. ‘Are you through then, Robert?’ She let the question hang in the air and watched as he calmed down. He nodded his head.
‘Then take a seat and I’ll explain everything.’
Robert reluctantly sat down again, his eyes blazing. She could tell he wasn’t going to trust a word she said, and she prepared herself for another angry outburst.
‘Robert, you broke the conditions of your restraining order. That means, you also broke the requirements. What did you think was going to happen?’ Somehow she kept her voice icily calm.
‘She asked me to come over. Why am I the one getting into trouble?’ He almost sounded like a spoiled child.
‘You know why, Robert. I told you this. You signed the paperwork and said you understood what you were signing. Let’s not kid ourselves here: this is not the first order you’ve been on.’ Lucy cocked her head to the left and raised her eyebrows knowingly. ‘I explained to you that even if your ex-partner made contact, you were not to reply. Ignoring those instructions, you went to her house; you were drunk, you got angry, and you smashed a window—’
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake! She wound me up. She was drunk too. Rubbing it in my face that she has a new boyfriend that treats her better – fucking slag. How did she think I was going to react? I didn’t even touch her.’
This wasn’t the first time Lucy had heard this story. Day in and day out, it was always the same. Always someone else’s fault; always the alcohol or drugs that ‘made them’ do it. Not one of these men, or women, ever wanted to accept responsibility for their actions.
‘Look, I have no choice but to give you a warning. You know that. You’ve been charged with a further offence. My hands are tied.’ She pushed across the envelope with his warning letter inside.
‘Are you fucking serious?’ The chair flew back as he stood up and towered over her.
There was no way Lucy was going to let this dickhead take control. She pushed her own chair back calmly, stood face to face with him and looked him directly in the eyes.
‘Whoa, whoa – you need to calm down, Robert. I don’t want to have to push the panic button; there’s no need for you to stand over me like that. Can’t you see how your behaviour could be viewed as threatening?’
Robert once again grabbed his chair but this time he sat back down almost immediately, and Lucy watched his chest rise and fall as he took deep breaths to control his temper.
‘Sorry, miss, but it just seems like every time I’m getting somewhere, it gets thrown back in my face and that pisses me off.’
There it was again. That whiny voice. For a moment it was Patrick sitting across from her. She sat back down.
‘Robert, it’s your actions that’ve caused all this. We’ve been here before. You need to stop and think about things first. You have your group programme coming up soon. You’ll learn some more techniques that will help you recognize the triggers and avoid reacting violently to situations that anger you. We’ve also discussed alcohol previously. And before you say that if you were sober, this wouldn’t happen – just remember, alcohol doesn’t make you do the things you do. You act this way because you choose to. You know you need to keep away from your ex.’
Lucy pointed at the warning letter in the hope that it would encourage Robert to read it. He jammed it into his back pocket unopened.
‘Are we done now?’ He stood up to leave.
‘Do you want to talk anymore about things? Maybe put a plan together in case the situation comes up again?’
‘Fuck that! I’m sick of that bitch getting me into trouble! Just give me my next appointment.’
‘It’s on your warning letter.’
Robert tried to storm out of the room as Lucy smirked behind his back – he needed her to use her swipe card to exit the room. The power was still hers.
‘Open the fucking door!’
‘Right, Robert! Lose the bloody attitude and calm down!’ If she wasn’t careful she’d find herself facing a complaint, but she was so fed up with these men and their controlling ways. Lucy swiped her card and let Robert back out into the reception area.
‘See you next week, Robert.’
Lucy couldn’t help but mutter ‘wanker’ under her breath. The receptionist briefly glanced up from her computer, and Lucy shrugged her shoulders.
There was no response from Robert, but she hadn’t expected one. She knew he was still pretty pissed off, so she made a note to call the domestic abuse team and flag Louise’s address. With Robert in this mood, there was no telling what he might do to his ex-wife.
Lucy needed caffeine to calm her nerves. Her job as a probation officer had her supervising some of the area’s most violent offenders and today was no different.
‘Hey, Lucy. Your hands are shaking, another tough session?’ Sarah asked as she made her way to the coffee machine. Sarah was a brilliant probation officer but also a very good friend.
‘Nah, just the usual, Sarah.’
It wasn’t Robert Millard causing Lucy’s nerves to be on end. She knew that after work her parents and sister were coming around and she didn’t know what kind of mood Patrick would be in, considering he’d been still drunk before she’d left for work. Lucy wished she had the same confidence to deal with the situation at home as she did at work. Self-loathing crept over her as she put a false smile on her face to carry on with her day.
Sarah looked at her in such a way that Lucy wondered if she knew. She rubbed Lucy’s shoulder reassuringly. ‘You know where I am if you need me.’
Lucy tapped her fingers on her desk as she stared at her computer screen, reading the Crown Prosecution documents for the pre-sentence report she had to complete. She wasn’t too keen on interviewing this guy as the offence was brutal in nature. Mr Talbot was late and bail conditions attached indicated that should he fail to attend his interview, a warrant would be issued. She would have to inform the courts. She remembered she needed to stop off at the shop on her way home and picked up her mobile phone to remind Patrick about collecting Siobhan from school.
I know! I got your fucking note
was the text she received back.
Putting her head in her hands, she didn’t hear Sarah come up behind her.
‘Everything all right, Lucy?’
Lucy jumped. ‘Yeah … sorry, I was in a world of my own there for a minute. Everything’s fine, Sarah. I’m just a little distracted. My family is coming for dinner – you know what it’s like.’ Lucy caught Sarah glancing at her phone screen and quickly turned it over.
‘Oh God, yes! Family, eh? The joys!’ Laughing awkwardly, Sarah again squeezed Lucy’s shoulder. ‘Well, let me know if I can do anything. You’re just looking a little stressed.’
‘Thanks, Sarah. I’m fine. Seriously. Just that bloody Robert Millard and now the guy I was interviewing for this court report has failed to show up. Not sure why I agreed to take on the domestic abuse cohort now. Sometimes I just think it would be better if they were all dead! Fucking controlling arseholes.’ Lucy wished she could take back the words as soon as they left her mouth. ‘You know I don’t really mean that, right?’
‘Obviously. Take a few deep breaths, inform the courts and grab a cuppa. Do you want me to contact the police about Robert?’
‘Oh