Absolute Truths. Susan Howatch
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truth is that I’m in the process of saving Dinkie just as you saved Mum! Dinkie’s had an awful life, she’s vulnerable, she’s lonely, she needs a lot of love and security – and by living with her and looking after her, I’ve actually done her good. So if you think I’m just an immoral bastard screwing her for kicks –’
‘Does she take drugs?’
‘Of course not!’ But the denial was too fervent to be plausible, and when he saw I was unconvinced he added quickly: ‘Not hard drugs. Just pot occasionally. But everyone does that nowadays.’
‘Everyone most certainly does not! And I won’t tolerate any drug-taking under this roof!’
‘You don’t tolerate anything under this roof!’
‘I don’t tolerate self-destructive behaviour, and you wouldn’t respect me if I did!’
‘I’d respect you if you could admit the truth – which is that by living with Dinkie I’ve actually done her good!’
‘If you really wanted to do that pathetic young woman good,’ I said, ‘you’d love her without exploiting her. Obviously you need to justify your immorality by seeing yourself as a hero, but Dinkie’s not marrying you because you’re heroic – she’s marrying you because you’re the first man who’s ever been fool enough to propose!’
Lyle walked into the room just as Michael began to hurl unprintable abuse at me.
II
‘It’s suddenly occurred to me,’ she said to Michael as he at once fell silent, ‘that it might be better if you dined out. In fact I believe Dinkie’s now keen to do so. We’ve just finished our little talk together in my sitting-room.’
Michael was confused. ‘But what did you say to her?’
‘I pointed out that a meal from the deep-freeze would be rather an anti-climax after champagne and I told her about the wonderful food at the Crusader. No, don’t worry about money – dinner’s on us, of course, and your father will pay for your night at a hotel too.’
‘But Mum –’
‘Darling, it was wonderful to see you but let’s be absolutely clear-eyed for a moment, shall we? You know you can’t stay the night here – you’ll want to share a room with Dinkie and that would be wrong because your father’s forbidden it and since it’s his house he’s entitled to make the rules. So you’ll have to go to a hotel anyway, and although I could give you both dinner I’m not sure that would be a wise move. Just think: if you and your father are quarrelling now, after only five minutes together, how on earth could you survive a full hour in the dining-room? So darling, bearing in mind all these awful truths, don’t you think it would be much nicer for Dinkie if you dined at … no, not the Crusader. Too square. How about a romantic candle-lit dinner at La Belle Époque in Chasuble Lane? Go up to my sitting-room to have a word with her about it.’
‘Okay, but –’
‘And never forget, darling, that your father and I both desperately want you to be happy. Don’t we, Charles?’
‘Yes,’ I said.
Michael ignored me, gave her a look in which suspicion and relief were fleetingly intermingled, and withdrew from the room without further argument. I promptly collapsed into the nearest chair and covered my face with my hands.
‘Where’s your current drink, Charles?’ said Lyle briskly. ‘So far I’ve found one in the hall and one in the kitchen, neither of them finished. Are there any more?’
‘No.’ I let my hands fall. ‘What happened between you and Dinkie?’
‘Oh, she was no trouble at all. I dealt with her very quickly.’
Sheer admiration enabled me to exclaim: ‘How?’
‘I said: “How wonderful of you to want to marry Michael even though he’ll never have a penny more than he earns as a producer – such a shame the BBC are so stingy to their employees!” and she said: “But he’ll have lots of money in the end, won’t he, because the Bishop’s rich.” At which point I said: “Oh no, my dear, we don’t even own our own house, and as the Church is even stingier than the BBC the Bishop’s constantly worrying about how to make both ends meet.”’
‘But my capital – my private income – Michael must have told her –’
‘Oh, I just said it was almost all gone. All right, I know that was a fib, but if the Jesuits can say “the ends justify the means” I don’t see why I can’t do the same –’
‘But what end did you eventually reach?’
‘The one we want. After I’d trapped Dinkie into revealing her mercenary motive I said kindly: “If I were you I’d take an interest in Robert Welbeck. He’s much the richest young man in Marina Markhampton’s set, and has an income which I happen to know is over twenty thousand pounds a year.” I paused to let that sink in and then I added: “Net.”’
I was so dazed that all I could say was: ‘Is that true or false?’
‘True. Dinkie was stunned. “Gee, I had no idea!” she said, and I answered with immense sympathy: “I’m afraid in England gentlemen don’t talk about their incomes. So tiresome of them, isn’t it?” We ended up sitting on the sofa together and chatting like lifelong friends.’
Words finally failed me.
‘Of course she tried to tell me she was pregnant,’ said Lyle as an afterthought, ‘but I soon got her to admit the pregnancy is mere wishful thinking. The situation’s simply this: she’s in her mid-twenties, time’s ticking on and she knows she’s got to get a husband before the eligible men start regarding her as a has-been. I think she does like Michael, I’ll say that for her, and I’m sure she’s grateful that he’s given her free lodgings for so long, but the truth is she’s exploiting his idealistic infatuation, and I’m sure that if he thinks she’s been faithful to him, he’s deceiving himself. God knows what she gets up to when he goes away on location to shoot the outdoor scenes for his dramas, but of course poor Michael, welded to his idealism, would have overlooked all the signs of infidelity.’
‘If she’s been seeing other men while living with Michael she must be very disturbed.’ For the first time I caught a glimpse of Dinkie not as a stereotype but as a complex human being whose behaviour was more of a mystery than I had ever bothered to imagine. ‘I hope she doesn’t start taking hard drugs when things don’t work out as she wants,’ I said, troubled. ‘I hope this isn’t the beginning of a road to disaster.’
‘Oh, don’t be so stupid, Charles, of course it isn’t! The girl’s a classic gold-digger, tough as old boots, and in the end she’ll nail a rich husband and live happily ever after. No chance of that one ever dying young of an overdose of heroin!’
I made no attempt to argue because by that time my thoughts had returned to Lyle’s Machiavellian machinations. ‘Wait a moment,’ I said. ‘Isn’t there something you’ve forgotten? How’s Michael going to forgive you for pointing Dinkie at Robert Welbeck?’
‘Very easily because I’m now ninety-nine per cent sure that I was right and he came down here panting to be rescued from the whole ghastly mess. His idealistic dream of “saving” Dinkie proved impossible to endure in reality … Charles, if you’re going to light that cigarette you’d better do so before you tear it to pieces.’
I took off my clerical collar before flicking open my lighter. ‘But if what you say is true,’ I said at last, ‘why was Michael so angry with me for opposing the marriage?’
‘Because he knew you were right and he couldn’t stand it.’
‘But why couldn’t he have talked to me honestly?’ I was in despair. Finally I said: