The Chatsfield: Series 2. Кейт Хьюит
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how things work.
That stubbornness again, and yes, a bit of misplaced pride. But it came with a lot of long-held anger over what might have been. That if her father weren’t a philanderer, or if he were at least honest about the fact that he was, she might have been treated like a child, and not a dirty secret. That if she’d been part of her family, raised in that glittering home upstate, she would have absorbed social graces, would have known how to navigate university and different social situations. Instead, she’d had to conduct herself with trial and error, and she had learned to fear the error.
So she had observed those around her, painstakingly so, in order to look as though she belonged. She hated asking for help. Hated admitting her shortcomings.
“Let me help you.” He took a step closer to her, and she took a step back.
“I have it.” She knew she was being stubborn, she didn’t care.
“You do not.” He extended his hands, and gripped the fabric, adjusting it where it sat on her head, drawing a swath of it around and bringing it beneath her chin before tucking it into the folds of fabric at the base of her neck.
His thumb brushed against her jaw, the heat from his skin a shock to her system. She looked up, her eyes crashing into his. The expression she found there intense, dark, hinting at things she could scarcely understand. She wondered if he always operated at this level of intensity, or if it was something about her. If he was reacting to the touch, in the same way she had.
She should look away, and she knew it. She should pretend that this hadn’t happened.
That he had touched her, but that it hadn’t registered as anything. But she couldn’t look away, she couldn’t pretend. Because something about his gaze held her fast, something about it called her, tugged at something deep inside of her that had been previously unknown, previously untouched. And it didn’t matter how much she wanted to ignore it, because her body simply wouldn’t let her.
And she found she still couldn’t look away.
She needed to. Oh, Lord, she needed to. This dark, yawning chasm that opened up in her stomach when he looked at her had to be covered up and never looked in. Never examined.
The idea that his could be attraction was unthinkable. That she could find herself interested in a man who was so far above her, who was engaged...
It would make her no better than her mother. And she could never allow that to happen.
Not to mention the fact that she should hate him on principle for forcing her hand and bringing her here.
Why was it so hard to hate him?
He cleared his throat and straightened. “There, that is more secure. You will find you have better protection against the elements.”
“I appreciate that.” It sounded so insipid, so forced, and she had a feeling he knew it. But it was the best she could do. Because her throat had gone drier than the desert sand outside, and all of her words seemed intent on sticking to it.
“I do strive to be of service to those who are in my country.” His voice was rough, yet smooth at the same time, like velvet. It slid over her skin, leaving a strange sensation behind, causing goose bumps to rise up on her arms.
“Well, given the fact that I am currently in your country for an unforeseeable amount of time, I do take that as a comfort.”
“I’m glad.”
“I suppose we should leave?” She had no idea if they should leave, if they were on any kind of timeline at all, but anything seemed better than standing here in the entryway feeling like the tile was shifting beneath her feet, feeling like she might die of heatstroke in spite of the cool air around them.
“Certainly.” He turned sharply and headed toward the double doors, which opened when he approached. She followed him closely, blinking against the harsh light as they stepped outside.
There was a large SUV parked near the doors. There was no driver, which surprised her.
“We aren’t going by ourselves, are we?”
“I am very familiar with the terrain, it shall be fine.”
For some reason she couldn’t quantify, his driving skills were not the concern. It was the idea of being alone with him. Even the other night in the study, though it had felt isolated, she had been aware of the fact that there were still people around them.
“Why are we going alone?”
“So as not to look like a descending army. I do all my business with Jamal and his people alone.”
“You’re not taking me out to the desert to kill me.”
“Don’t be absurd. If I was going to do such a thing, I would simply leave you to die. I wouldn’t do anything so prosaic as killing you.”
“Color me relieved. I don’t suppose you would joke about leaving me out in the desert to die if that were actually your plan.”
“It is very difficult to say.” He opened the passenger door and held it for her.
She looked at him hard. He was impossible to read, but she didn’t imagine that the man who had just so carefully adjusted her veil so that she might be protected against the elements could have any intention of leaving her out in the middle of the desert. No point in making her comfortable only to let her die of heatstroke.
With that in mind, she got into the car, but kept her eyes on him as he closed the door behind her. He rounded the front of the vehicle and got in, buckling his seat belt and putting the car in gear. She hurried to buckle, as well.
“How long does it take to get there?”
He flashed her a smile, his teeth bright against his dark skin, and she realized it was the first time she had ever seen a genuine smile on his face. “That all depends on where we might find them today.”
* * *
They drove for ages, until the road faded, until the sand rose higher, turning a richer golden brown, as though the sun were closer here, baking it like bread. And in spite of the care that Zayn had taken with her head covering earlier, she was starting to get worried again about the possibility of him leaving her out in the middle of nowhere. Paranoid, possibly, but she supposed not entirely without merit, seeing as he had already brought her to his country by force. Well, partial force, partial bribery. She still wasn’t certain whether or not he would’ve chased her if she had tried to run off, but she would’ve found herself jobless, and that was threat enough.
Just when she was starting to get truly nervous, she saw a spiral of smoke rising up from behind a dune.
“That would be them.” Zayn’s deep voice answered the question she hadn’t even been able to ask yet.
“They really are quite a ways out here. What happens if there’s some kind of medical emergency?”
“Often it isn’t a happy ending. Though now they have satellite phones, and they do often use the rescue services available in Surhaadi.”
“They use the medical services, even though they don’t acknowledge the government?”
“Most of the time. Though there are some elders who refuse to do so. I prefer that they do.”
“That’s very decent of you. I think there are a lot of leaders who wouldn’t like that. Who would say that it was the cost of their stubbornness.”
She looked over at him, at his strong profile, his eyes fixed on the horizon. “Yes, I suppose that is the case. But then, we all make decisions, often they are not wholly bad, but not wholly good, either. They want to preserve their heritage, and I understand that. And then, when tragedy strikes, often it becomes apparent that remaining separate can cause damage. But there is no real right or wrong answer in this. And I do not fault them for wanting help when they are desperate. I know what it’s like to change because of circumstances.