Introduction To Romance (10 Books). Кэрол Мортимер
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it’s going to leave in your life.”
“I’m not leaving because of you.”
“But you’re not leaving because you want to.”
Brody scrubbed his hands over his face. God, this was stupid. Why the hell was she arguing with him? For a brief second, he missed the navy so much it hurt. For no other reason than in the navy, when someone issued an order or made a decision, everyone shut the hell up and accepted it.
“Look, I’ve made up my mind. I’m through. I can’t be a SEAL anymore. And if I can’t be a SEAL, I won’t serve.” He gestured to the bar. “This is a job. It’s honest work and will pay the bills until I figure out what I want to do.”
Honest work to pay the bills. It took Brody a moment to figure out why the words tasted so bitter. Then he remembered his father yelling them at his mother. Every argument they had over his drinking, his living at the bar, had ended with that statement.
Apparently they sounded just as good to Genna as they did to him.
“So this is it?” The wave of her hand was more a slap at the bar than an encompassing gesture. “Your future? Tending bar, holing up in that dingy apartment filled with ugly memories and despair?”
“Leon already rented out the dingy apartment. I figured I’d live with you.” Clearly not in a joking mood, she just hissed. So he shrugged and amended that to, “Or in the guesthouse behind my grandmother’s.”
Her glare was just as threatening as an AK-47, making it clear she wasn’t interested in smart-ass responses.
Okay, fine. She wanted the truth, she could find a way to deal with it.
“My future was being a navy SEAL. I worked my ass off for that, Genna. I trained for it, I lived it, I breathed it. I was it. And now I’m not.” Brody glared right back, hating that she was forcing him to say the words aloud. “So excuse me if I make the best of the lousy hand I’ve been dealt.”
She gave him a long look, then slowly nodded.
The vicious knots of tension gripping Brody’s gut eased a little. Good. Maybe now she’d let it go.
“You don’t have to take this deal. You have plenty of other options, including returning to duty.”
Why? He wanted to drop his head into his hands and give it a good shake. Why did he ever believe she’d take the easy path? The one that tidily avoided all that emotional crap.
“What in the hell do you know about it?”
“Blake and Alexia came to see me earlier,” she said. “I know your friend said the surgeon cleared you to go back to the navy. That the decision to leave the SEALs was yours.”
If she’d hauled an Uzi from under her skirt and shot him, he couldn’t have been more stunned.
Blake and Alexia had been in Bedford? Specifically to visit Genna, obviously. What the hell? Since when was it the lieutenant’s job to play retention officer? Why did he care? Didn’t he realize the team was better off this way? That any team was better off with a solid group of dependable men?
Brody didn’t let any of that show on his face, though.
Any sign of weakness, of surprise, and she’d never let it go.
“Landon was right. It’s my decision. And I decided to stay here.”
“So... What? You’re just going to spend the rest of your life here at Slims, pouring drinks and hiding from life? You really are taking Brian’s place, aren’t you?”
Her implication was like a slap to the face. He wasn’t his old man. He wasn’t a bitter, angry asshole who loved his booze more than anything else in his life.
He was just a bitter, angry asshole.
“I don’t drink.” Brody almost rolled his eyes at that stupid statement. He was really hitting the bottom of the barrel on pathetic now.
“No? Why not?”
“My body is a military machine. A tool for Uncle Sam. You don’t take care of your tools, they don’t do the job they’re supposed to. Alcohol dulls the senses, it slows reaction times. I’m not messing up hours of intense training for a cheap buzz.”
His words trailed off as he realized he was speaking in the present tense. But his body wasn’t finely tuned anymore. And his mind was jacked-up trash.
That realization crashed down on him along with the full impact of how hard he’d worked, how long he’d striven to be the best, to finally be someone people admired. Gone.
All fucking gone.
Brody didn’t even realize he’d grabbed the whiskey bottle until the scent of Jim Beam hit him.
His eyes cut to Genna’s.
Instead of the appreciation and understanding he’d grown used to seeing in those warm blue depths, this time there was contempt.
His gaze cut away, focusing on the whiskey hitting a dingy glass.
“Well,” she said quietly. “I guess you have made your decision. You’re going to turn your back on a career you apparently loved. One you’re so good at, the president of the United States acknowledged you. One you’ve made such a difference in, the mayor of Bedford is throwing an event in your honor.”
Was she still harping on that? The entire team was up for the Silver Star, not just him. For the good and the bad, it was always the team. He wasn’t a hero. And he wasn’t a part of the team anymore.
“I told you from the beginning, I’m not doing that damned event. I’m not a windup toy sailor to be paraded back and forth for someone else’s ego.”
She threw both hands in the air, giving him an exasperated look.
“This isn’t about ego, Brody. It’s about you accepting your due. It’s about you being treated with the respect you deserve from a town that sucked at giving it to you before.”
Respect?
For what?
If they knew the truth, everyone in town would see that he was the same loser they’d always judged him to be. The only one under any illusions was Genna.
“I’m not a damned hero. I’m just a guy trying to make a life here so we can be together. You don’t want people to know you’re dating a badass, that’s your issue. If you don’t know who I am, if you can’t accept me for what I am, fine. But quit trying to make me into something I’m not to soothe your own ego.”
The look of shocked misery on her face made Brody want to throw himself on an IED. Crap. He shoved both hands through his hair, totally at a loss. He didn’t want to hurt Genna. But neither did he want to defend his decision. Because, as everyone in this room clearly knew, it was a lousy one. But he wasn’t changing his mind. He wasn’t fit to be a SEAL. And if he couldn’t be a SEAL, he wasn’t going to serve.
With that same sass he’d always admired, Genna took a deep breath and shook her head.
“The man I know, the man I’ve had a crush on since I was seventeen, the man I fell in love with? He’s a hero. He’s a badass with a miserable history. A man who overcame adversity, an abusive home and a knife in the gut to make something of himself. Something to be proud of. If that’s not a hero, I don’t know what is.”
She sniffed, took a shaky breath, then shook her head again as if she were trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong. “And now look at you. You’re what? Throwing it all away because you are having identity issues. It’s not because of me, Brody. Don’t you dare pin this on me.”
“Identity issues?” he sneered, wondering just how long she’d spent with Alexia. That shrink talk was apparently contagious.
“That’s what I’d call it,” she shot back. “You’re