Sins and Scandals Collection. Nicola Cornick
Читать онлайн книгу.
there is Merryn to consider. I do not believe that for me to kill you would help her in any way.”
“I would like to marry Lady Merryn,” Garrick said. He chose his words carefully. Others would not serve. “I want her. I wanted her from the first. I will always want her …”
He took a deep breath. There was nothing civilized about his thoughts or his desires or his need for Merryn Fenner, particularly now that he had taken her exquisite body once—twice—and burned for more.
He shifted in his chair. He knew that it was not simply desire that drove him, strong as that was. He had seen Merryn’s courage and her grace under pressure. He had held her in the darkest night and protected her from harm. He had saved her life and she had saved his. They were bound together now more tightly than they had ever been.
Regret raked him, opening old scars. He was not worthy to marry Merryn. He knew it. What could he give her, with his flawed honor and his equally damaged soul? Yet now he had to offer her marriage or be branded even more of a dishonorable scoundrel. He was trapped. There were no alternatives.
“I am aware,” he said, “that my behavior has not been that of a gentleman.”
“Not remotely,” Alex agreed, with an expressive lift of the brows.
Garrick gritted his teeth. Grant was right of course. He had lost control with Merryn, a circumstance that had never, ever happened to him before. He had been sworn to protect her and he had done so, but then she had kissed him and the desire had exploded between them and shattered every tenet of duty by which Garrick had tried to live his life. Grant was right. He had transgressed the code. He was angry with himself for it; he felt full of violence and it disturbed him. He had not felt like this for years, since the time Stephen Fenner had died. He had thought that such powerful feelings, such dangerous actions, were behind him. Yet Merryn had smashed his cold facade and brought every emotion burning to new life.
He wanted to see Merryn. It felt as though she alone could soothe the demons in him. Yet he knew it would not be that easy. He had no notion if she would even agree to see him again, let alone marry him. The hideous scene in the brothel had haunted his thoughts for an entire day and night. Merryn, throwing on her ruined clothes in a desperate frenzy of embarrassment and horror, looking at him with loathing and disbelief.
I regret every moment of what we have done and I hate myself for it …
Garrick flinched at the memory. Everything had disintegrated into tawdriness and scandal, spilling corrosive misery over an experience that had been profoundly sweet and intense. For a brief moment they had built something exquisitely tender. And then they had lost it again.
“I make no excuse,” Garrick said now, aware of Alex’s steady gaze on his face. “I take full responsibility for my actions. It was unpardonable in me.”
There was a silence. “Inexcusable, yes,” Alex said. “Inexplicable, no.”
Garrick blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
Alex shrugged. A small smile played about his lips. “Make no mistake, Farne,” he said. “I do not condone in any way what happened. But I am also no hypocrite. People died in that flood. You and Merryn had been trapped for hours, facing the possibility of death together. She told us that you saved her life. Twice.” He grimaced. “Such circumstances strain the self-control of even the strongest.”
Garrick felt a little more of the tension ease from his body. “That is more than generous of you,” he said, “but still I make no excuse.”
“Of course,” Alex said. “And I would not expect you to in all honor. So …” His tone warmed a little. “The question is what we are to do about this.”
Their eyes met. Garrick realized that he had passed the test and was glad. He was starting to like Alex Grant. Owen Purchase spoke highly of the man. Under other circumstances he imagined that they might have become friends.
“I am sincere in my desire to wed Lady Merryn,” he said, “and not simply because of the scandal. I have the greatest admiration for her.”
A small smile played about Alex’s lips. “I see,” he said, and Garrick had the disconcerting feeling that Alex saw rather more than Garrick had intended.
Alex put his glass down with a businesslike snap. “You speak well, Farne,” he said bluntly, “but you had best cut line with me. I imagine that Merryn is the last bride you would have sought under normal circumstances.”
“That’s true,” Garrick said, deciding to be equally blunt. Regret scored him again. “I did not seek to wed at all,” he said slowly. “I am not a good catch for any woman.”
Alex looked taken aback. “Surely you jest.”
“I do not mean materially,” Garrick said. “My marital history should be sufficient to dissuade any woman of sense—” He stopped.
“I’m not sure how much of that can be blamed on you,” Alex said, very dryly. “Though I would not dream of speaking disrespectfully of your first wife.”
There was a taut silence.
“As for Lady Merryn,” Garrick said after a moment, “I am responsible for this scandal and as such I accept I have no choice other than to offer marriage to her.” He looked up to find Grant’s gaze fixed on him. “As I said, I have the greatest admiration for her. I like her. Very much.”
“Evidently,” Alex said even more dryly. He fixed Garrick with a not-unsympathetic gaze. “I do not think she will accept you, Farne.”
“Because she hates me for killing her brother,” Garrick said.
“It is a not-inconsiderable stumbling block,” Alex agreed pleasantly. “Although …” A thoughtful note entered his voice. “I do not think she hates you, precisely.” He shifted. “Her feelings, no doubt like your own, are confused. If you want her, though, you may have to force the match. Joanna and I will not stand in your way. We consider you the lesser of two evils.” He flashed Garrick a smile that robbed the words of offense. “Without marriage Merryn is utterly ruined and only you can save her from that. Joanna will accept that for her sister’s sake.”
Garrick frowned. Alex’s words were not unexpected but they were unwelcome. “I’ll not force Lady Merryn to wed me if she is unwilling,” he said. “That would be the action of a scoundrel.”
Alex shrugged. “Your scruples do you credit but how else can you put matters right in the eyes of the world, Farne?”
“I’ll persuade her to accept my hand,” Garrick said.
This time Alex actually laughed. “Persuade? Merryn? Surely you know her better than that? She is without doubt the most stubborn member of the Fenner family, and that is up against some very stiff competition.”
“She is also strong and brave and spirited,” Garrick said.
There was an odd expression in Alex’s eyes. “Not the qualities that most men seek in their wives,” he said. He paused. “I did not know Stephen Fenner,” he added obliquely, “but my wife tells me he was … a charming rogue.” He met Garrick’s gaze very directly. “Joanna was older than Merryn when it all happened, of course. She sees things a little differently. And although she loved her brother she was not in the least blind to his faults.” His tone changed. “You could consider telling Merryn exactly what happened. Intimate relationships have a better chance of succeeding if they are based on the truth.”
“One day I hope to be able to tell her everything,” Garrick said, “but in the end the fact is that I killed Stephen Fenner. Perhaps the details make no odds.” He thought about Merryn’s pain and disillusion on learning the truth. He wanted fiercely to protect her from that. But Purchase had been correct, Alex was correct. Everything had changed now that he and Merryn were to wed. He did not want a marriage based on deceit. He thought of the letter that he had sent a bare two days ago and prayed for a swift and just outcome.