Joy for Mourning. Dorothy Clark
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will know if you take off your widow’s garb a little early.”
“Justin—?” Laina stopped as Elizabeth gave a firm shake of her head.
“Justin hates the custom. He says it’s barbaric. He has written in his will that I am not to wear black if he departs this earth before me.” She smiled. “He likes me in soft colors.”
“Truly?” Laina heard the surprise in her own voice. She smiled. “Well, I can only say my brother is a very considerate and wise man.” She looked down at the hated black garment in her hands. Her smile faded and she released another sigh. “Nothing would give me more pleasure at this moment than to rip this dress to shreds! But it would do no good. I have nothing but black gowns with me.”
“I know…but I have others.” Elizabeth laughed and hurried to the door. “Bring them in, Annie.”
“Ohhh!” Laina all but swooned at sight of the different-colored gowns draped over the young maid’s arms. “Bless you, Elizabeth!” She gave her sister-in-law a fierce hug, then clasped her hands in ecstasy at the array of beautiful gowns being spread out on the bed. “Oh, my! They look like a rainbow.”
“God’s promise of better days ahead.” Elizabeth patted Laina’s clasped hands, then gave a rueful glance at the gowns. “I’m afraid there’s nothing red.”
Laina ignored the remark about God’s promise. “I know—Justin hates red.” She reached out and fingered the soft satin of a periwinkle-blue gown with an overdress of cream-colored, lace-edged net. “Perhaps this one?” She shot a questioning look at Elizabeth. “Or do you think it’s too—”
“I think it’s perfect. It will look lovely with your dark hair and blue eyes.” Elizabeth cleared her throat and turned to her maids. “Annie, go to my room and bring back my cream-colored satin slippers and my paisley stole. They look well with the dress. And Trudy, remove that black crape from around the bottom of Mrs. Brighton’s petticoat, then help her into the blue gown.”
She swept her gaze to Laina as the maids rushed to do her bidding. “It’s fortunate we’re much of a size. These gowns will do for now, if Trudy takes a tuck here and there. But you need dresses of deeper, more vibrant colors to truly enhance your beauty. And I know the very modiste who can create them for you.” Her lips twitched and she looked away.
“What is it?”
Her query drew Elizabeth’s gaze back to meet hers. “I can’t pretend any longer, Laina. I’m so glad you agreed to cast aside your mourning attire, because your brother has already arranged for Madame Duval to wait on you tomorrow.”
“He has?” Excitement coursed through her as Elizabeth nodded affirmation. “Well, bless his heart!”
Laina rapped softly, then rushed through the door into her brother’s study before he had a chance to answer. “Justin, I’m sorry to interrupt whatever it is you’re doing, but I simply had to come thank you!”
Justin dropped the bill of lading he’d been comparing against the profit statement on his desk and braced himself as Laina hurled herself into his arms. “Thank me for what?”
“For setting me free!” Laina stepped back, held her arms out to the sides and did a quick pirouette. “Do I not look lovely?”
“Beautiful.” Justin’s grin changed into a frown. “But much too thin.” Concern darkened his eyes. “Are you certain you’re not ill?”
“I’m fine, dearheart.” He looked doubtful. Laina sighed. “Truly I am, Justin. It’s only that I’ve had no appetite. Sitting alone at a dining table staring at empty chairs does not encourage one to eat well.”
His face tightened. “Yes…I remember.”
“Oh, Justin, I’m sorry.” Laina put her arms around his waist and squeezed. “I didn’t mean to bring back bad memories.”
“It’s all right, Laina. Thanks to the Lord’s blessings, the past no longer has the power to hurt me.” He kissed the top of her head, then held her a short distance away. His gaze fastened on hers. “I was remembering in regard to your circumstances. I intend to do something about them.”
He sounded so certain! Hope locked the air in Laina’s lungs. “What do you intend to do?”
Justin shook his head. “I don’t know. I only know the first step is to pray for guidance.”
The air rushed from Laina’s lungs in a disgusted, disappointed snort. She stepped back. “Then I’ll not hold my brea—” His finger on her lips stopped the angry words.
“Don’t speak words of unbelief, Laina. They only block your own blessing.” He lowered his hand to his side. “I know how you feel, and I understand. I felt the same way not very long ago. But I was wrong.”
She drew breath to speak.
He shook his head. “Trust me, Laina. I’m not asking you to believe—only to be still and wait.”
It was too much. She couldn’t hold the anger any longer. “Wait? I’ve waited for ten years! Do you really think things will change now? Look at me! I’m barren, Justin. I’m a widow whose husband lost interest when I couldn’t produce an heir. Do you think another man will marry me? Things would only end the same way.”
The words spurted from Laina’s mouth as fast as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She swiped the tears away and drew a deep breath. “You believe in a God who answers prayers and pours out blessings? Well, I do not! I prayed for children for ten years and I’ll not waste time praying again. You believe—very well, you pray! And if your Lord gives me children I will serve Him all of my remaining days! Now, if you will excuse me, I have an appointment to meet your son.”
With a whirl of her long skirts Laina stormed from the room. It took her several deep breaths and five minutes of pacing the hallway before she calmed down enough to join Elizabeth for their trip to the nursery.
“I’m afraid the girls are already napping, madam.” Anna Hammerfield glanced toward the open door a short distance from the rocker where she had been sitting doing needlework when Elizabeth and Laina entered the nursery. Soft, sleepy baby sounds emanated occasionally from the dimly lit interior of the adjoining bedroom. The nanny smiled. “But Master James is still awake.”
Elizabeth nodded. “Thank you, Anna.” She turned back to face Laina. “We’ll come back to see Sarah and Mary later, after dinner.” A soft, beautiful smile spread across her face. “For now, we’ll visit your new nephew.” She stepped through the open door and led the way across the small room to the crib against the far wall.
Laina caught her breath. “Oh, Elizabeth, he’s beautiful!” She smiled at the baby staring up at her and reached down to touch one small, perfect hand. “How do you do, James Justin Randolph? I’m your aunt Laina. And I’m very happy to meet you at last.”
The baby gurgled, gave her a toothless smile and waved his hands in the air. Laina’s heart hurt. So many emotions assailed her she couldn’t begin to sort them out—except two. Hunger and anger. Those two she recognized. She knew them well. They appeared every time she saw a mother and child. She took a deep breath and forced them back into the dark, empty place inside her.
“Would you like to hold him?”
“May I?” She couldn’t keep the longing out of her voice.
“Of course you may.” Elizabeth lifted her son, kissed his soft cheek, then tucked a blanket about him and placed him in Laina’s arms. “He likes to be rocked. The chair’s over there.” She nodded toward the corner. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I have to speak with Anna.” She turned and walked out of the room.
Laina stared after her. What a thoughtful, caring, unselfish person Elizabeth was. How could she ever have thought her interested only in Justin’s money? She shook her head at the sudden flood of memories, then looked down