Speechless. Sandy/Yvonne Rideout/Collins
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can play as hard as they work. In fact, by the time I finally weave my way back to my room and fall into bed, the sky is beginning to brighten.
I feel as though I’ve only been asleep for minutes when I awaken, sensing an evil presence. I struggle to open my puffy eyes, only to see someone standing by my bed, silhouetted by the light streaming through the window. She’s staring at me intently. Waiting. I swallow a scream and croak, “What are you doing?”
“Waiting for you to wake up.”
“If you’re thinking about waxing my eyebrows, forget it.”
“This is no time for your jokes. We have a crisis.”
“I haven’t recovered from the last one yet.”
Margo is still wearing her suit from yesterday and it’s looking decidedly worse for wear. Craning to see the clock, I realize that I have only been asleep for an hour. I also realize that I’m still tipsy. Keeping my face averted to prevent premium bourbon vapors from enveloping her, I raise both eyebrows in a question. She holds up a newspaper, forcing me to lift my pounding head for a closer look. It’s the Fort Everest Chronicle-Times, and there on the front page is Minister Cleary, just as she appeared during last night’s exodus. It is just a black-and-white, so regrettably, the impact of the yellow silk robe is lost. The photographer caught her with mouth agape, one bare leg and a feathered mule dangling out the car door.
“Good thing you did that pedicure,” I say.
“I’m surprised you see any humor in this situation.”
“Sorry. Read me the headline.” I ease my head back onto the pillow.
“Minister Storms Out of Have-a-Nap At Midnight— Motel Staff Mystified.”
Margo tosses the paper at me and sits on her bed, which hasn’t been slept in. The story quotes motel staff speculating on the Minister’s hasty departure: “Her husband is very rich, you know. Maybe our beds aren’t good enough for her.”
“The Minister refuses to do today’s events.”
“That’s just going to make things worse.”
She ignores me and continues: “The Minister wants to know how the reporter found out about it. She thought you might know.”
“How would I know?” When she doesn’t reply, I sit up so that I am eye-to-bloodshot-eye with her. “I hope you’re not implying I called the local paper and leaked this in the five minutes before Bill found us another motel.”
“Not at all, Libby, but we do want you to drive over to the Have-a-Nap and apologize for the Minister’s abrupt departure. See what you can find out.”
“Just let it go. The more we react, the more coverage we’ll get.”
“The Minister wants action, so get out of bed and get going.” She hands me the car keys and walks out.
The definition of “speechwriter” just gets broader every day. I consider telling her I’m too drunk to drive, but she’d only run to Bill, then Laurie, and discover they’re worse off than I am. Instead, I swallow headache pills and head for the car. I can’t believe they think I alerted a paper I didn’t know existed to the newsflash that the Minister would be appearing out-of-doors without makeup for the first time in her life.
At the Have-a-Nap, I chat up the clerk and apologize for our hasty exit. There’s a stack of newspapers on the counter and the unflattering photo is already on display in a cheap plastic frame by the cash register. Gesturing toward it casually, I say, “I can’t imagine how the paper knew we’d be leaving just then.”
“The editor was leaving Millie’s Roadhouse next door as your driver pulled around,” the clerk offers. “Between you and me, he’s thrilled, because there’s so little real news around here. Apparently they’ve picked up the story in Toronto, too.” I must look shocked because she adds quickly, “The Minister’s not upset about all this, is she?”
“Not at all! She has a great sense of humor,” I lie. “I’ll let her know that the folks back home will see her in the news.”
I knock at the Minister’s door and when Margo opens it, I can see the Minister lying on the bed, forearm over her eyes, overcome by the drama of it all. The table is strewn with hair-brushes, makeup and nail polish. Clearly, Margo has been trying to soothe some shattered nerves.
“You’d better step outside,” I tell Margo. She is so shaken by my news that I actually have to restrain her from heading to our room to write a huffy rebuttal to the local paper—and all three Toronto papers, just in case. “Don’t. You’ll inflame the situation. Leave it alone, and it’ll die out.”
“And where did you get your degree in Political Science, the University of Kentucky?” I guess she’s onto the bourbon.
She’s blocking entry to the Minister’s room, but realizing I can turn my personal hygiene issue to my advantage, I lean in nice and close and let the fumes wash over her: “I may not have the degree, Margo, but I know something about public relations.”
My breath has the desired effect and Margo backs away, allowing me to slip past her. “Minister?”
“Who’s there?” comes her weak reply.
“It’s me… Libby. I have something I need to tell you.”
Margo attempts a body slam in the doorway and we stumble into the room together.
“Stop it, you two, my head is killing me. What is it, Lily?”
“I think you should do this morning’s event.”
“I am not leaving this room.”
“The children have been preparing for weeks. They’ll be so disappointed.”
“Can’t you see I’m ill?”
“Surely you could stand for an hour, Minister… Remember, children don’t read the newspaper.”
She lifts her head to glare at me. My imagination must have been working overtime when I thought she was warming up to me.
“I’ll send regrets saying that you’re unwell, Minister,” Margo says.
“If we don’t generate a fresh story, the paper might do a follow-up piece about last night’s hasty retreat and what they make up will be worse than the reality.” Sensing that I’m getting through to her, I continue. “You could put on your new Dolce & Gabbana suit—it’s stunning—and say something funny and self-deprecating to the teachers and parents before your speech. How about I write up a funny line or two to defuse the situation? What do you say? The show must go on, Minister.”
“All right, I’ll do it,” she mutters.
Margo is livid, especially later, when I am proven right. The Minister rises to the occasion, striding onto the school stage looking like a million bucks.
“Hello, everyone,” she begins, “I do hope I’m looking a little better in person than I did on the front page of your paper this morning?”
When everyone laughs, she relaxes and delivers the rest of the speech with ease. Afterward, people surge over to offer support; no one mentions the motel incident. My rare moment of satisfaction is enhanced by the fact that Margo isn’t speaking to me. Later, as we drive to the airport, Margo breaks the news to the Minister about the Toronto paper picking up the photograph. I expect tempers to flare, but much to my surprise, Mrs. Cleary takes it all in stride.
“Well, Margo, we’ll just face this the same way we did today. I managed to maintain public affection quite effectively.”
I won’t hear any praise from them, but I know I earned my pay today. And I did it all with a hangover. I am good.
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