He's Still The One. Cheryl Kushner
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never really known me. How would you like it if I ripped into your life?”
Ryan’s expression hardened. He stood, leaned over the table so they were face-to-face, mere inches apart. “There’s nothing to rip into.”
She kept her gaze locked to his. “I don’t agree. Let’s start with why you’re sitting in the police chief’s chair in Riverbend when all you ever wanted to do was chase crooks in the big bad city.”
“That’s none of your business.” His voice was devoid of emotion.
“You left.” She challenged him to deny her words as she abruptly changed the subject and answered his Truth question. “We were friends, Ryan. Friends don’t desert one another.”
“I graduated from college,” he said patiently. “I moved to Philadelphia to take a new job.”
“You weren’t there on the most important night of my life.”
“Guilty as charged. We missed your high school graduation. But Kate and I had other things on our minds.”
“You eloped! Why?”
“I’ll tell you if you answer why our marriage sent you into such an emotional tailspin that you neatly and deliberately cut me out of your life.”
“I can’t answer that question.”
“Can’t,” he said quietly, “or won’t. It was never about me marrying Kate. Or our moving to Philly. It’s always been about your father.”
Zoe’s heart pounded in her chest. She felt each painful breath as she slowly exhaled, then inhaled then exhaled again. She’d thought the day couldn’t get any worse. She was wrong. “Leave my father out of this. You don’t know anything.”
“Your parents separated. I know it was a painful time for you, but they did what they thought best. Kate was hurting, too. And I was reeling after my parents were killed in that stupid car accident,” Ryan said softly. Now she heard the pain in his voice, and tried to harden her heart against it.
“Kate got me through the grief,” he said. “We were young, impulsive and thought with our hormones.”
All Zoe remembered was that night she’d thought she’d lost three people who’d meant the world to her. And now, here Ryan stood, ten years later, trying to push back into her life and opening wounds she’d only been able to messily bandage.
He slid the plate across the table. Their hands touched. Zoe felt the sizzle and tried to pull away. Ryan kept her hand in place with his for a moment more. “Kate and I were smart enough to recognize almost immediately that we were totally wrong for each other. We married on impulse. I’ll always love her but I’m not in love with her. Your parents divorced because they realized something was missing in their marriage. You were hurting. I let you blame me then. But I won’t let you continue to blame me now.”
Her parents had divorced. Zoe hadn’t wanted to listen to their explanations of why. All she knew was that her comfortable family life had been destroyed. With her father moving to California, and Kate and Ryan married and living in Philadelphia, Zoe had been left alone that summer to deal with her emotionally wrought mother and her own feelings of abandonment.
It had taken many months before Zoe had been able to have a cool but cordial relationship with her father. She was afraid to trust her feelings, afraid of being hurt again. She might have aged ten years, but she didn’t feel any differently today than she had back then. And Ryan O’Connor was a life-size reminder of all she had lost.
“Well, so much for clearing the air between us.” With all the energy she could muster, Zoe brushed past Ryan and calmly walked out of the kitchen, through the living room where Kate and Alec were now cuddled on the couch and out the front door.
She paused at the end of the walkway and turned around. Ryan stood silhouetted in the doorway. Zoe started walking, not expecting, but hoping he’d call out, or come after her and finally admit, after all these years, that he’d been wrong. With a heavy heart, Zoe trudged down the street. The wind had picked up and Zoe was certain she heard it whisper, “little coward,” as it swept past her.
When she came to the street corner she stopped, gazed around and realized she had nowhere to go except home. Not New York, but the cozy bungalow on the aptly named Division Street, filled with memories she’d prefer not to deal with.
Ryan rested his forehead against the closed door. “You sure bungled that one.”
Ten years ago, Ryan had given up the right to call Zoe a friend. When he’d acted rashly following his parents’ deaths, and his elopement with Kate certainly was rash, he hadn’t been thinking of anyone but himself. Of anything but his anger, his hurt, his pain. Zoe’s feelings never entered into any equation.
And he’d regret that the rest of his life.
But no matter how all grown-up Zoe was, there was no way he was getting involved with her. She was practically his little sister! No matter how strong the temptation, she was, he decided firmly, off-limits.
There had been several women in his life. He was, after all, a normal healthy man with a normal, healthy sex drive. But he hadn’t allowed himself to get close to any one woman emotionally for any length of time. He wasn’t proud his emotional barriers flashed a red alert whenever a relationship looked like it might get too serious.
The excuse was always the same. He was a vice cop. His life was dangerous. He couldn’t ask anyone he cared for to share the uncertainties. Except he wasn’t a vice cop any longer. His life wasn’t filled with danger or uncertainties.
Still, he wasn’t ready to dive into any depth of emotional waters. He wasn’t afraid, just wary of not being able to live up to someone else’s expectations. It was hard enough, he thought with a frown, to live up to his own.
He turned to find Kate standing in the archway, worry written all over her face.
“Your talk with Zoe cut short?”
“How could you forget to tell Zoe I’m the best man.”
“Oops.” She shrugged slightly. “It’s not that big a deal.”
“It’s a big deal to Zoe. You deliberately didn’t tell her.”
Kate winced. “I had hoped to ease into it. That was before you locked her in jail.”
Ryan wisely decided to ignore that last comment. “Were you going to pull her aside moments before the wedding ceremony began and say, ‘See that guy in the black tux? He’s our best man and you’re walking down the aisle with him. You recognize him? That’s Ryan O’Connor. Your ex-best friend.”’
“Yes.”
“Not funny, Kate.”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny. I’m still waiting for you to promise you’ll get along with Zoe over the next two weeks.”
When he didn’t respond she poked him in the chest. “Promise.”
He nodded curtly. “I’ll do my part. You might want to remind her it takes two to end a war.”
“Zoe understands,” Kate said with exaggerated patience. “You just don’t know her the way I do. She feels things differently than you or I do.”
“I’m not even going to begin to try and make sense out of that statement.” He glanced at his watch. “I need to check in at the station. And, Kate, remember that Zoe and I are like oil and water. We no longer mix. And I have no intention of getting involved with her. So don’t play matchmaker. It will just blow up in all our faces.”
Ryan heard the click of the door close behind him, and a few murmured words between Kate and Alec before the porch light flicked on ostensibly for Zoe’s return. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone, punched the three-digit code that immediately connected him with the police station. Once the night dispatcher assured him all was quiet, he