Future Ratboy and the Invasion of the Nom Noms. Jim Smith
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who’s scared of hairy flying things. ‘Argh! Keep it away from me!’ He jumped out of his chair and ran into the little bathroom at the back of Bunny Deli. ‘Has it gone yet?’ he whimpered from behind the door.
The insect, which was pink and had a long curly nose, buzzed towards Jamjar’s nostrils and opened its mouth. ‘NOM NOM!’ it growled.
‘Arrrgh! Shoo, you annoying little beast!’ said Jamjar, waggling her five arms in the air. ‘Stop trying to bite my nose!’ She picked up a zigzaggedy chip and waved it like a sword.
The chip bonked the insect on the head and it twirled round, darting in the direction of Not Bird’s beak.
‘NOT!’ growled Not Bird, doing his scariest face, and the insect changed its mind, did a loop the loop and headed for the ratty full-stop blob on the end of MY nose.
‘Waaah, not my full-stop nose-blob!’ I cried, half trying to make everyone laugh, half a tiny bit scared the insect was about to bite it off.
The insect landed on the blob and opened its mouth, the way something does when it’s about to bite someone’s nose off.
I shouted in my superhero voice, flicking the insect, and it flew through the air and landed splat in the middle of Twoface’s four eyes.
The insect shook its head and blinked, looking like it was working out which one of Twoface’s two noses to bite first. ‘NOM NOM!’ it cackled, scuttling down towards the nostrils of the left one.
‘Get off me you stupid little hairy pink rectangle!’ growled Twoface, trying to sound like he wasn’t scared.
‘Ooh, what a lot of fuss and bother!’ chuckled Bunny, walking back over to our table, still holding the cup of Hedgehog Cola.
The insect paused, its jaws wide open. Its eyes swivelled round to look at Bunny, and its long curly nose did a sniff. ‘NOM NOM?’ it squeaked, leaping off Twoface’s left nose and flying out of Bunny Deli.
Twoface patted his hood-wings down and breathed a sigh of relief. ‘See - nothing to worry about!’ he said.
‘H-how did you do that, Bunny?’ said Splorg, poking his gigantic bald blue head round the bathroom door.
‘Maybe he didn’t like my perfume!’ chuckled Bunny. ‘Now, about that shopping list,’ she said, and she nodded at the Floaty Note 6000.
‘What in the name of unkeelness are you doing with your cup, Splorg?’ said Twoface, slurping on his drink.
It was ten minutes later and we were walking down Shnozville High Street, following the Floaty Note 6000 to get Bunny’s bits.
That’s one of the keel things about Floaty Note 6000s. They’re not just floating shopping lists - they know the way to the shops, and loads of other things too.
‘I’m protecting my hooter from that horrible little insect!’ said Splorg, who’d slotted his empty cup over the end of his nose. ‘Mmm, carpet flavour lemonade - smells even better than it tastes!’
Twoface thought for a second,
then pulled a plastic ray-gun-
shaped water pistol out of his
pocket. ‘Hey, I’ve just had
the keelest idea!’ he said.
He emptied the rest of his drink into a little hole in the top of the ray gun and slotted his empty cup on to the end of one of his noses.
He looked over at my cup and grinned. ‘Don’t mind if I borrow this do you, Ratboy?’ he said, snatching my avocado and felt-tip pen flavour soda and pouring the last gulp’s worth down a passing drain (drains move around in the future, in case you didn’t know).
‘Hey, I was enjoying that!’ I said, kicking Twoface up the bum as he slotted the cup over the end of his other nose.
Jamjar pushed her big round glasses up her nose and rolled her eyes at us all.
‘Ooh look, it’s Dr Smell!’ she said, waving down the street at Dr Smell, who was sweeping the bit of pavement in front of his perfume shop.
Dr Smell’s perfume shop is where Bunny buys her favourite perfume, ‘Stonk’.
‘Hello Dr Smell!’ said Jamjar, and Dr Smell waggled his arms around, swatting the end of his nose.
‘That’s a weird way to wave,’ said Twoface, squirting his ray gun into his mouth. ‘Mmm, walnut and pavement flavour chocolate milk, my favourite!’ he grinned.
I Future-Ratboy-zoomed my eyes in on Dr Smell and gasped.
‘Dr Smell isn’t waving - he’s trying to swat one of those insecty things away from his nose!’ I said.
Splorg stared at the insect, which was blue this time and even bitier-looking than the one before. ‘ANOTHER NOM NOM? IT’S AN INVASION!’ he screamed, running off and hiding behind a bollard.
‘NOT!’ screeched Not Bird, following him like a Floaty Note 6000, except brown and circle-shaped and more furry.
Twoface pointed his ray gun in the direction of the insect. ‘Stand back, Dr Smell!’ he shouted. ‘Take THIS, you naughty little NOM NOM!’
A jet of walnut and pavement flavour chocolate milk squirted past Dr Smell’s ear at the exact same second the Nom Nom sunk its teeth into the tip of his nose.
screamed Dr Smell.
‘NOM NOM!’ growled the Nom Nom, and before you could say a word that takes about three seconds to say, it’d pulled its teeth back out of Dr Smell’s nose and buzzed off.
‘Nice shot, Twoface!’ I laughed, as Jamjar ran up to Dr Smell.
‘Are you all right, Dr Smell?’ she said, peering at two tiny little bite marks just above his nostrils.
‘I-I think so, Jamjar,’ stuttered