The Last Kids on Earth. Max Brallier
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are, but in case you’ve been living in a hole, let me break down the horror –
Classic Zombie
There are other monsters, too.
Like the Dozers – big, hulking brutes that resemble two-legged rhinoceroses.
And the Winged Wretches – flying beasts like mutated pterodactyls.
And there are also the Vine-Thingies – long red vines that are alive. I mean, yeah, I know plants are alive – but these are like alive alive. They turn backyards into treacherous jungles!
Now, keep in mind, these aren’t real-deal scientific names. I’m no monsterologist.
And all that’s just scratching the surface. Almost every day I discover some new thing that is horrific and hair-raising and makes you wanna hurl.
Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this. Y’know, why you’re privy to the thoughts and ramblings of a kid trying to stay alive during the Monster Apocalypse.
I’ll tell you.
It’s ’cause I think it’s important that future people know what it was like in the time after the monsters arrived.
Also, I’d like to be remembered – just in case I get eaten one of these days. Like this . . .
Now, how you remember me – well, only time will tell . . .
Zombie hunter?
Monster slayer?
Late-blooming, slow-developing 13-year-old?
Like I said, before the Monster Apocalypse I was an orphan. Well, I guess I still am an orphan, strictly speaking, but you know what I mean.
The last family I got stuck with – the Robinsons – they were the worst. As soon as the monsters showed up, they just hightailed it.
I wasn’t all that surprised they left me behind. Honestly, I’m kinda sure the only reason they took me in in the first place was because they wanted someone to rake the leaves . . .
Now, if this sounds like I’m trying to make you feel bad for me or something – I’m not. That is not my style. I’m just letting you know the situation. The ins and outs. The deets.
I learned a long time ago that it’s best to try not to worry so much about the junk life shovels on you. Life tries to knock you one – just do your best to duck and keep moving. The way I see it, someone’s always got it worse, right?
I mean, unless you’re the last person on Earth. Then, technically, yeah, no one has it worse.
Ever since the Robinsons peaced out – that’s forty-two days ago, now – I’ve been forced to survive alone in a world of monsters. That’s pretty much the plot of a video game, right?! So I said, y’know what, I’ll treat life like a video game.
And that’s easy, because I’ve always looked at life from a video-game-y angle anyway – picturing people’s stats and powers and imagining obstacles like they’re big boss fights.
You know how in video games there are challenges you complete to earn Trophies and Achievements?
Well, I created my own. I call them . . .
Apocalyptic Success!
I earn them by completing goals and challenges. The riskier the challenge, the greater the Feat. And I always need photographic proof. For example:
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FEAT: Mad Hatter! Steal the hats off five zombies. |
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FEAT: Outrun! Beat a zombie in a footrace. |
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FEAT: Say Cheese! Take a photo with someone you knew before they got zombified. |
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FEAT: House Hunter Explore 50 different abandoned houses. |
There are like 106 Feats still to be completed. And if I start running low, I just create more.
Now – pay attention – here’s where things get serious.
There is one VERY IMPORTANT Feat of Apocalyptic Success that I have not yet completed. It is:
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FEAT: Damsel in Distress Find and rescue love interest, June Del Toro. |
Here’s why this particular Feat of Apocalyptic Success is the ULTIMATE Feat of Apocalyptic Success.
When I first moved to Wakefield, I decided I wanted to be a photojournalist (which is just a fancy word for taking photos of cool, action-y stuff).
When I told the Robinsons, they said, ‘YEAH OK, THAT ’LL HAPPEN!’
So I was like, whatever, I’ll handle this on my own, and I got a gig taking photos for the school paper. That’s where I met June Del Toro . . .
June Del Toro
– The Love Interest –
June was the student editor of the Parker Middle School Gazette, which was perfect, ’cause if we’re both working on the paper, that gives us a reason to chat and get friendly, right?
Turns out, though, June is scary when she’s on the job. But even when she’s ticked-off and super-stressed, she manages to remain ridiculously cute . . .
Now, I should be clear here – I think June kind of hates me.
She told me I was lazy. I respectfully disagree. Not lazy – I was just trying to fulfill my role as photographer: the wild rebel who plays by his own rules, the hip cool guy who’s always being hip and cool non-stop, 24/7, non-stop hip and cool, hip and cool.