The Last Kids on Earth and the Zombie Parade. Max Brallier
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come to life.
I catch my breath, get to my feet, and inch out into the corridor. The Wormungulous left a trail of yellow worm goo in its wake and the floor is now a slick mess. I watch the worm crash into a clothes store and disappear in a cloud of dust as the wall crumbles behind it.
‘I didn’t get a photo!’ I exclaim.
‘PHOTO FAIL,’ Quint says.
I cock my eyebrow. ‘Don’t talk like that, Quint. It doesn’t suit you.’
‘A failure of photographic proportions, friend.’
‘Better,’ I say, slapping my best bud on the back. ‘Now where are we?’
Looking around, I begin to tremble and shake as I realize: WE’RE INSIDE GAME!
‘Dude!’ I exclaim as I begin to walk the aisles. ‘Could I have picked a better place for a last-minute hideout?’
‘Quite perfect!’ Quint exclaims happily.
Near the Nintendo 3DS section, I spot something I want so bad that it causes my gut to tighten up and my extremities to get all warm and tingly.
I’m staring at a giant, life-sized suit of space marine armour from my favourite game, NIMBUS: Call to Action. It’s shiny, practically GLOWING.
There’s a big sign next to it that says, ‘Coming soon! The hottest sci-fi space marine first-person action shooter ever to hit the planet Earth! NIMBUS: Call to Action 14.’
Suddenly, I’m punched in the face by sadness. I’m thinking about how many amazing video games were being designed when the Monster Apocalypse happened. And now they’ll never be released! I’ll never get to play them!
I knock on the chest piece. DONK DONK DONK. It’s definitely metal or some sort of fancy plastic.
Quint’s eyes go wide. ‘I was mistaken!’ he exclaims. ‘This silicone-plastic-Wonderflex is the finest in video game promotion!’
‘I’m totally taking this,’ I say. ‘I’ll be like an unstoppable space marine hero! I’ll stuff some bottle rockets in the side here – any monsters get close and VA-SHOOM! Eat rocket!’
Quint grins. ‘I must agree. It’s quite impressive.’
‘Now,’ I say, ‘where is our transportation?’
A moment later –
After about twenty clumsy attempts, Quint and I manage to get the space marine armour into Rover’s saddle. Rover is my monster dog, and he can haul anything. I pocket a few PS4 games for the road, then step out into the gooey, slippery corridor.
‘All right,’ I say, ‘let’s find June and Dirk.’
We’re walking the upper level of the mall, looking down at the corridor below. I see all sorts of little kiosks that sell T-shirts and fancy cell phone cases and other crud that’s really dumb but I also totally really kind of want. Most of the mall is a mess – looted and plundered by panicked people when the Monster Apocalypse first began.
Passing the Apple Store, I catch a whiff of something. A strange, sweet sort of odour, hanging in the air.
And I catch a flash of movement, below us. A figure, slinking around the corner, past Gap. An almost-human figure . . .
Seeing that – something almost-but-not-quite human – sends a chill of terror down my spine. My heart starts palpitating.
Maybe it was just a figment of my imagination . . .?
But no.
My eyes might play tricks on me, but not my nose. And the strange, sweet odour is growing stronger.
But it is not the odour of evil. It is not the foul stench that the villainous beast Blarg emitted. It is not the same stink that the Dozers and the Winged Wretches and other Wakefield monsters emanate. That is the smell of evil.
But this?
Honestly? It smells like a middle-school dance. It smells like, I realize, cheap aftershave.
‘Quint, did you see that?’ I whisper.
He nods. A huge helping of fear has appeared on his face. Fear with a side order of curiosity.
I pull my weapon, the Louisville Slicer, from its sheath.
It’s been one month since we rescued June (sorta rescued) and we’ve still not seen a single other person. No kids, no adults, no nothing. Just zombies and monsters up the backside. And recently, even the zombies seem to be popping up less and less. In fact, it’s like they’re disappearing.
I mean, we’ve been at the mall over an hour now, and we haven’t seen one zombie. And if you’re a zombie expert like me, you know zombies are supposed to be, like, all over the mall. Ever see a zombie movie? Play a zombie video game? Zombies are ALWAYS at the mall. They just love shopping or something.
Quint believes something is taking the zombies. We haven’t seen them migrating, and we haven’t seen them just, like, dying off. I’ll tell you this much: if something is taking the zombies, I do not want to meet whatever that ‘something’ is.
The sweet scent snaps my mind back to attention.
I drop to one knee and rub Rover behind the ears. ‘Buddy, can you drag my space marine suit back to Big Mama?’ I say, pointing in the direction of the parking lot, where Big Mama, our post-apocalyptic pickup truck, is waiting.
Rover tilts his head, then growls in understanding. A moment later he’s trotting down the corridor, my space marine suit banging and clanging behind him.
‘OK, Quint,’ I say. ‘Let’s see what this thing is.’
Quint follows as I creep down the escalator to the main level. We duck behind a kiosk called Stuffed Stuff – it sells stuffed panda bears and piglets and ferrets. Holding my breath, I peek around the corner.
I see the figure again. And if it’s a person, it’s a big person. It’s rattling one of the metal gates that hang over most of the storefronts.
Quint and I exchange terrified looks, then quietly sneak ahead to the next kiosk. We’re like ultra-lame James Bonds. Do you think James Bond ever had to hide behind Cate’s Custom Candles while trailing a target?
The strange figure comes to a stop in front of the Cinnabon bakery. I finally get a solid look at the thing. And what I see – it turns my blood to ice water.
I whip my head back around and drop to the floor. ‘Did you see that?!’ I ask Quint, trying to keep my voice to a whisper.
Quint nods. He doesn’t speak. He’s shaking like a leaf.
‘It was like a monster-person. Or a person-monster,’ I say. But before we can even begin to process the bonkers implications of that, a piercing shriek echoes down the hall.
It’s June. She’s rushing toward us. Dirk speeds alongside her. And behind them, colossal and charging with vicious fangs exposed, tearing through the mall like a