Amelia Fang and the Naughty Caticorns. Laura Ellen Anderson
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gave an excitable wriggle. ‘But I REALLY hope the baby hurries up because I can’t wait to be a big sister!’
‘THAT’S WELL EXCITING!’ bellowed Florence through a mouthful of breakfast. ‘I WISH I ’AD A LITTLE BRUVVA OR SISTER. I’D TEACH ’EM ’OW TO BE THE BEST PRANCER IN THE KINGDOMS!’ Even though Florence was huge, she pranced as if she were as light as a feather. It was a very impressive sight.
‘If I had a little grim-brother or sister, I’d teach them how to sweep up dead toads without leaving a slimy mess,’ said Grimaldi, spreading some more toe jam on to his putrid pancake.
‘NICE,’ said Florence with a grimace. ‘AN’ YOU JUST USED THE SAME SCYTHE FOR SPREADING JAM THAT YOU USE TO SWEEP UP SQUISHED TOADS!’
‘I cleaned it on my cloak hood first,’ said Grimaldi, gazing innocently at Florence.
Amelia chuckled. ‘I can’t wait to introduce my baby brother or sister to you guys!’ she said. Squashy pa-doinged into Amelia’s lap and blew a raspberry.
‘And of course, the baby will be very excited to meet YOU!’ Amelia said, tickling Squashy’s tummy. He squeaked and smiled.
Amelia’s mother waddled into the kitchen. She had a very large tummy indeed, her usually immaculate beehive hairdo was a tangled mess, and her eyeballs were in the wrong sockets. She walked straight over to the fridge.
‘WHERE IS MY FOOT FUDGE?!’ she squawked, searching through half-eaten tubs of splattered spleen and mushy brain balls.
‘Uh oh,’ Amelia whispered to her friends. ‘I think Dad forgot to buy more fudge . . .’
Countess Frivoleeta turned around and gave Amelia a wobbly-eyed stern look. ‘WHO ate the last of my –’ Luckily, just at that moment, Amelia’s dad came running into the kitchen holding a big, stripy cardboard box.
‘HERE, my disastrous little wart-picker!’ said Count Drake, trying to catch his breath. He opened the box to reveal a freshly made batch of Foot Fudge. ‘I dashed to your favourite bakery, Drop Bread Gorgeous. And look, there are extra-crusty bits from in between the toes, just how you like it!’
Countess Frivoleeta’s bottom lip trembled. Then she sat down at the kitchen table and burst into tears.
Count Drake put an arm around his wife. ‘Why are you crying, darkling? I thought you’d be happy about the extra-crusty fudge?’
‘NO! It’s not that . . .’ said the countess as a long strand of snot dangled from her right nostril. ‘I just remembered something I saw last week. There was a mouldy bean on the ground outside. It was all by itself. So small . . . and mouldy . . . and bean-like!’
She let out a loud wail. Amelia, Florence and Grimaldi all tried very hard not to laugh.
BOOOOOOOONG!
The door gong echoed loudly through the Fang Mansion, covering the sound of the gang’s muffled laughter.
‘Are we expecting guests?’ asked Count Drake, sounding quite relieved at the interruption.
‘Maybe Wooo is back early from visiting his brother?’ said Amelia.
Wooo was the Fang family’s ghost butler. He kept everything in the Fang Mansion in order. But once a year he would take a well-deserved minibreak to visit his travelling brother, Fantom. Without Wooo around, things could get a little chaotic and messy, especially now that Amelia’s parents were distracted with preparations for the new baby.
Countess Frivoleeta suddenly stopped crying. Her eyes grew so wide that Amelia feared they might fall out.
‘Bothering bogeymen! ’ the countess shrieked. ‘That’ll be my sister, Lavitora. I completely forgot that I’d agreed to babysit her caticorns while she goes on an important work trip.’ She began shovelling handfuls of Foot Fudge into her mouth. ‘How on earth are we meant to look after three tiny creatures when we still have so much to get ready for our new baby?! He or she could be born any night now!’ Both Countess Frivoleeta’s eyeballs finally popped out on to the floor, rolling over to where Amelia stood.
‘It’s all right, Mum,’ Amelia said, wiping down her mum’s eyeballs and handing them back. ‘Florence, Grimaldi and I can help look after the caticorns while you and Dad take care of the baby stuff.’
The thought of looking after three fluffy little caticorns sounded like SO much fun. Amelia could already imagine them following her everywhere as her mum and dad looked on, telling each other what a brilliant big sister she would make!
‘What do you think, guys?’ Amelia smiled a big, fang-filled grin at her friends.
‘EASY-PEASY!’ declared Florence breezily.
‘And I’m very good with little creatures,’ said Grimaldi.
‘WELL, DEAD ONES ANYWAY,’ Florence pointed out.
‘Oh, thank you, my horrible little bin-lids,’ said Count Drake, smiling at everyone gratefully and putting an arm around Amelia. ‘That would be a massive help!’ He turned to the countess. ‘See, dear, everything’s going to work out juuuust fine.’
‘Oh, Amelia,’ said Countess Frivoleeta, stroking her daughter’s cheek and smearing Foot Fudge across it. ‘All grown-up . . . and . . . and . . .’
‘I FINK SHE’S GUNNA CRY AGAIN,’ Florence whispered loudly.
But before Frivoleeta had a chance to bawl her eyes out, a loud DONK DONK DONK filled the room, making her jump.
Grimaldi yelped and hid under the table as a face appeared at the kitchen window behind him.
‘COOO-EEEEEE!’ said a large prim-and-proper-looking lady. ‘Is anyone going to let us in? ’
‘I really need to get used to answering the front door while Wooo is away,’ sighed Count Drake. He waved at the window. ‘Be right there, Lavitora!’ he called, before muttering under his breath, ‘Do we have to let her in?’
‘I’ll get it!’ said Amelia, very excited at the thought of meeting her aunt’s little caticorns. Florence and Grimaldi followed, eager to meet the new guests, with Squashy pa-doinging along close behind.
Amelia pulled open the heavy wooden front door. ‘Hi, Aunt Lavitora!’
‘DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARKLING!’ Aunt Lavitora’s shrill voice resonated through the house like nails scraping along a chalkboard.
Wearing a high-collared gothic dress with frills in places you’d never imagine, Aunt Lavitora strutted into the entrance hall carrying a large suitcase in one gloved hand and a bunch of withered roses in the other. She looked like a version of Countess Frivoleeta who had been stretched widthways. A messenger crow with a top hat and a monocle perched on her shoulder.
‘Amelia Fang!’ Aunt Lavitora oozed. ‘You were just a disgusting wrinkly little thing last time I saw you!’ Then she called over her shoulder, ‘Come on in, my little floofs!’
Amelia’s eyes widened as three caticorns with fluffy fur and shiny little horns trailed through the door. Amelia squealed in excitement. As they stood in a neat row, smiling sweetly, she thought that they were the most adorable creatures she’d ever set eyes upon (aside from Squashy of course!). Looking after them was going to be such a treat.
‘Amelia,