The Complete Short Stories of Mark Twain (Illustrated). Mark Twain
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‘Inspector Blunt’s ingenious and extraordinary theory is as follows,’ than to have it say some harsh thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one.”
“I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion upon a certain minor point.”
“Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed any opinion on that point, anyway.”
I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would catch the elephant. The inspector said:
“It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would only be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits and labors.”
This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:
Flower Station, N. Y.,
7.30 a.m.
Have got a clue. Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm near here. Followed them two miles east without result; think elephant went west. Shall now shadow him in that direction.
Darley, Detective.
“Darley’s one of the best men on the force,” said the inspector. “We shall hear from him again before long.”
Telegram No. 2 came:
Barker’s, N. J.,
7.40 a.m.
Just arrived. Glass factory broken open here during night, and eight hundred bottles taken. Only water in large quantity near here is five miles distant. Shall strike for there. Elephant will be thirsty. Bottles were empty.
Baker, Detective.
“That promises well, too,” said the inspector. “I told you the creature’s appetites would not be bad clues.”
Telegram No. 3:
Taylorville, L. I.
8.15 a.m.
A haystack near here disappeared during night. Probably eaten. Have got a clue, and am off.
Hubbard, Detective.
“How he does move around!” said the inspector “I knew we had a difficult job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.”
Flower Station, N. Y.,
9 a.m.
Shadowed the tracks three miles westward. Large, deep, and ragged. Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks. Says they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground was frozen last winter. Give me orders how to proceed.
Darley, Detective.
“Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing grows warm,” said the inspector.
He dictated the following telegram to Darley:
Arrest the man and force him to name his pals. Continue to follow the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.
Chief Blunt.
Next telegram:
Coney Point, Pa.,
8.45 a.m.
Gas office broken open here during night and three months’ unpaid gas bills taken. Have got a clue and am away.
Murphy, Detective.
“Heavens!” said the inspector; “would he eat gas bills?”
“Through ignorance – yes; but they cannot support life. At least, unassisted.”
Now came this exciting telegram:
Ironville, N. Y.,
9.30 a.m.
Just arrived. This village in consternation. Elephant passed through here at five this morning. Some say he went east some say west, some north, some south – but all say they did not wait to notice, particularly. He killed a horse; have secure a piece of it for a clue. Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he struck it left-handed. From position in which horse lies, think elephant traveled northward along line Berkley Railway. Has four and a half hours’ start, but I move on his track at once.
Hawes, Detective.
I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a graven image. He calmly touched his bell.
“Alaric, send Captain Burns here.”
Burns appeared.
“How many men are ready for instant orders?”
“Ninety-six, sir.”
“Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the Berkley road north of Ironville.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as others are at liberty, hold them for orders.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Go!”
“Yes, sir.”
Presently came another telegram:
Sage Corners, N. Y.,
10.30.
Just arrived. Elephant passed through here at 8.15. All escaped from the town but a policeman. Apparently elephant did not strike at policeman, but at the lamp-post. Got both. I have secured a portion of the policeman as clue.
Stumm, Detective.
“So the elephant has turned westward,” said the inspector. “However, he will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.”
The next telegram said:
Glover’s,
11.15.
Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with water from cistern. Some swallowed it – since dead; several drowned. Detectives Cross and O’Shaughnessy were passing through town, but going south – so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in terror – people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet elephant, and many are killed.
Brant, Detective.
I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector only said:
“You see – we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned eastward again.”
Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought this:
Hogansport,
12.19.
Just arrived. Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating wildest fright and excitement. Elephant raged around streets; two plumbers going by, killed one – other escaped. Regret general.
O’Flaherty, Detective.
“Now he is right in the midst of my men,” said the inspector. “Nothing can save him.”
A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of ravaged barns,