Comedy of Marriage and Other Tales. Guy de Maupassant
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Why ask such questions?
JACQUES DE RANDOL
Then you did love him?
MME. DE SALLUS
Yes and no. If I loved him, it was the love of a little fool; but I certainly never told him, for positively I do not know how to show love.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
I can vouch for that!
MME. DE SALLUS
Well, it is possible that I cared for him sometimes, idiotically, like a timid, restless, trembling, awkward, little girl, always in fear of that disturbing thing—the love of a man—that disturbing thing that is sometimes so sweet! As for him—you know him. He was a sweetheart, a society sweetheart, who are always the worst of all. Such men really have a lasting affection only for those girls who are fitting companions for clubmen—girls who have a habit of telling doubtful stories and bestowing depraved kisses. It seems to me that to attract and to hold such people, the nude and obscene are necessary both in word and in body—unless—unless—it is true that men are incapable of loving any woman for a length of time.
However, I soon became aware that he was indifferent to me, for he used to kiss me as a matter of course and look at me without realizing my presence; and in his manners, in his actions, in his conversation, he showed that I attracted him no longer. As soon as he came into the room he would throw himself upon the sofa, take up the newspaper, read it, shrug his shoulders, and when he read anything he did not agree with, he would express his annoyance audibly. Finally, one day, he yawned and stretched his arms in my face. On that day I understood that I was no longer loved. Keenly mortified I certainly was. But it hurt me so much that I did not realize it was necessary to coquet with him in order to retain his affection. I soon learned that he had a mistress, a woman of the world. Since then we have lived separate lives—after a very stormy explanation.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
What do you mean? What sort of explanation?
MME. DE SALLUS
Well—
JACQUES DE RANDOL
About—his mistress?
MME. DE SALLUS
Yes and no. I find it difficult to express myself. To avoid my suspicions he found himself obliged, doubtless, to dissimulate from time to time, although rarely, and to feign a certain affection for his legitimate wife, the woman who had the right to his affection. I told him that he might abstain in future from such a mockery of love.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
How did you tell him that?
MME. DE SALLUS
I don't remember.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
It must have been amusing.
MME. DE SALLUS
No, he appeared very much surprised at first. Then I formulated a nice little speech and learned it by heart, in which I asked him to carry such intermittent fancies elsewhere. He understood me, saluted me very courteously, and—did as I asked him.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
Did he never come back?
MME. DE SALLUS
Never, until—
JACQUES DE RANDOL [interrupts]
Has he never again tried to tell you of his love?
MME. DE SALLUS
No, never, until—
JACQUES DE RANDOL [interrupts]
Have you regretted it?
MME. DE SALLUS
That is of small importance. What is of importance, though, is that he has had innumerable mistresses whom he entertains, whom he supports, whom he takes out. It is this that has irritated and humiliated me—in fact, cut me to the quick. But then I took heart of grace, and too late, two years too late, I took a lover—you!
JACQUES DE RANDOL [kisses her hand]
And I, Madeline, I love you with my whole soul.
MME. DE SALLUS
Well, all this is not at all proper.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
What do you mean by “all this”?
MME. DE SALLUS
Life in general—my husband—his mistresses—myself—and you.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
Your words—prove beyond a doubt that you do not love me.
MME. DE SALLUS
Why?
JACQUES DE RANDOL
You dare to say of love that it is not proper? If you loved me, it might be divine, but a loving woman would abhor a phrase which should contain such an idea. What! True love not proper?
MME. DE SALLUS
Possibly. It all depends upon the point of view. For myself, I see too much.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
What do you see?
MME. DE SALLUS
I see too well, too far, too clearly.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
You do not love me?
MME. DE SALLUS
If I did not love you—a little—I should have had no excuse for giving myself to you.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
A little—just sufficient to warrant that excuse!
MME. DE SALLUS
But I do not excuse myself: I accuse myself.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
Then you did love me a little—and then—now—you love me no more!
MME. DE SALLUS
Do not let us argue.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
You do nothing else.
MME. DE SALLUS
No, I only judge the present by the past; the only just ideas and sane notions of life one can form are those concerning that which is past.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
And do you regret—
MME. DE SALLUS
Perhaps!
JACQUES DE RANDOL
And what about to-morrow?
MME. DE SALLUS
I do not know.
JACQUES DE RANDOL
Is it nothing to you to have one who is yours, body and soul? MME. DE SALLUS [shrugs her shoulders]
Yes, mine to-day.
JACQUES DE RANDOL [vehemently]
And to-morrow!
MME. DE SALLUS [shrugs her shoulders again]
Yes, the to-morrow that follows to-night, but not the to-morrow of a year hence.
JACQUES DE RANDOL [emphatically]
You shall see. But