4 turns. A play for 5 people. Comedy. Nikolay Lakutin
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but in general, to be honest, I didn't think about it. Whether you hang out on this tree or not, it doesn't matter to me. I have decided to put my plan into execution, and I will do it! And nothing will stop me!
Lida puts aside the rope, sits down on the ground/stage.
Lida (with interest). Well, then you first.
Grisha. What am I?
Lida. What's that? First, you tell me what pushes such men in suits to commit suicide, and then I will. I'm the first one… (timidly) I'm shy.
Grisha looks at Lida with doubt.
Grisha (cheerfully, busily). Listen, maybe I'd better help you? Give me a string here, now I'll quickly bait it…
Grisha approaches Lida busily. But she removes the rope, it turns out a kind of cat-and-mouse game. Lida has a playful mood. Grisha is in full earnest, but he still fails to take the "tool of labor" from Lida.
A hysterical whistle signal is heard, which distracts the attention of Grisha and Lida.
An alarmed policeman runs in, in uniform with a shining flashlight in his hand. He looks intricately pleased.
The policeman (in the commanding voice of the whistleblower). So! What's going on here?
Grisha and Lida look at each other, think what to say, while both hold on to the rope, unable to divide it.
The policeman (with a satisfied voice of the winner, knowing what's what). Yeah. Well, well. Yes, I, as I look, warned the rape? (Grisha, strictly) Citizen, documents!
Grisha takes a moderately calm look, does not hurry to present documents.
Lida (to the policeman, calmly, with irony). Yes, whatever… Will you wait for him?
The policeman (in confusion). I didn't understand. And then what? What kind of string do you have in your hands here? Fighting, I saw. Noise. (Savoring the new version of what is happening) And … (Grisha) To decide, have you decided to divchin? Strangle, right? Your documents, please!
Grisha just opens his mouth to say something, but Lida is already speaking.
Lida (to the policeman, calmly, with irony). Yes, who else will decide who, if anything …
a policeman (in confusion, Lida). I didn't understand. In the sense of the opposite, or what? Are you his, citizen? I'll ask for your documents then!
Lida (to the policeman, calmly, with irony). Yes, no one is going to decide anything with anyone here – to decide!
The policeman (in confusion). And then what are you, let me be curious, doing?
Lida (to the policeman, thinking). We're here…
Grisha (confidently). We're pulling the rope!
Lida is delighted and looks admiringly at Grisha, then looks at the policeman, nods affirmatively to him.
Lida (to the policeman, confidently). Well of course. Don't you see? What else can we do here?
The policeman (in shock). Are you tug-of-war? You? Here? Now?
Lida (to the policeman, confidently). Well, yes, but what's the big deal?
Grisha (confidently). As far as I know, the law does not yet prohibit tug-of-war in the forest, and the time for this is not regulated by any legislation.
The policeman (scratching his head thoughtfully). Are you crazy?
Grisha and Lida (chorus, immediately in response). YES!
The policeman, startled by the unexpected sonorous answer, takes a step back, looks askance, incredulously at the couple.
The policeman (continuing to sniff). And you're here by the hour… you don't indulge in bookmarks, do you?
Grisha and Lida wave their heads negatively.
The policeman (continuing to sniff). Have you sipped the bulbulizer?
The policeman comically gestures, lighting up the bulbulizer, looking hopefully at the couple.
Grisha and Lida shake their heads negatively.
The policeman sighs weakly, and, with his hands on his hips, looks at the couple. Thinks. Lida and Grisha look at the policeman as if he were an idiot.
Policeman (sternly, squeezing out the last option). Are we eating vodka? Are we violating public order?
Grisha (confidently). Yes, what vodka, for pity's sake. Exclusively – lemonade!
Grisha takes the remains of the lemonade he came with and hands it to the policeman.
The policeman doubtfully unscrews the bottle cap, sniffs, takes a sip, looks at the couple with displeasure, puts his hand to his head, saluting.
The policeman (returning the bottle). Have a nice time, I apologize for the trouble …
the policeman leaves, looking skeptically at the couple, trying to imperceptibly twist his finger at his temple about what he saw.
Grisha (after seeing off the policeman and making sure that he left, Lida). I didn't understand! Are you going to hang yourself at all or not? Let's somehow decide already, there's a queue here, if you haven't noticed…
Lida (with a sly smile). And… I'm not going to report to anyone here about my actions or inactions. (Slight pause) Let's get acquainted first, and then I'll think about whether to talk to you or not!
Grisha (surprised). What a business! That's a woman's logic… Why am I going to get to know you? You've got… (peering into the girl's face, a little squeamish) a black eye!
Grisha points to the black eye.
Lida takes out a mirror, looks at it, then takes out a cosmetic bag with powder, or concealer covers up a bruise. During the marathon, he mimics Grisha without looking at him.
Lida (sceptically mimicking). Fingaaaal under the eye…
finishes powdering, looks in the mirror, she looks pleased.
Lida. That's it, no black eye. Meet me!
Grisha thinks about it.
Grisha (thinking aloud). Well…, in principle… there's really no hurry for me. Okay… An hour earlier – an hour later…
Grisha approaches Lida, extends her hand in greeting.
Grisha (with a nod). Grisha!
Lida curtsies and gives a return bow of greeting.
Lida. Lida.
Grisha is standing in a stupid position with his hand outstretched. Removes his hand behind his back.
Grisha (through his teeth). Let's get acquainted.
Lida boyishly approaches Grisha and pushes him in the shoulder.
Lida. Why are you so uncooperative, Grinya?
Grisha looks at what is happening in confusion. He was not used to such a fraternal attitude.
Grisha. No…, not that…, I just don't really like it when something or someone interferes with my plans.
Lida. Oh, come on. Your plans are not going anywhere. Well, if you want, I'll give in to you. And then I'll think about it, maybe I'll look after another twig, or maybe …
Lida smiles shyly.
Grisha. What is "and"....? What does this "and" mean?
Lida (after a pause, playfully). And it doesn't mean anything. In our women, in general, anything can mean one meaning and diametrically opposite at the same time!
Grisha (judiciously). It's true. I have lived for almost forty years, and I have not learned to understand women. Yes that there are women. People! I observe, from time to time, such a situation: You do good to a person – and he hates you. And someone commits meanness after meanness, so they run to him in droves with open arms. Yes, not others are running, but the same ones! Those who have been betrayed, who have been framed, who… (waves his hand without saying anything). And … (Tired, doomed) What is happening in this world, how to understand it? How can a person with a pure heart