The Great Village Show. Alexandra Brown
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evenings were my own again – there was no more need for the Mum-taxi service, taking him to hockey practice, rugby, swimming and such-like in Market Briar. I really fancied trying something new and different, so I signed up to Hettie’s ‘Cross-stitch for Beginners’ course. It’s totally informal; about eight of us meet up every Wednesday evening. After a good thirty minutes or so of catching up (gossiping) and devouring packets of custard creams and Jammie Dodger biscuits, and whatever delicious cake Kitty has brought with her (she runs the Spotted Pig café and tearoom on the corner of the High Street), Hettie shows us how to cross-stitch as beautifully as she does.
‘Don’t be daft!’ Sybs nudges me gently. ‘Why on earth would you think a bruised hip would stop Hettie from soldiering on?’ We both laugh.
‘Hmmm, I’ve actually no idea why I thought such a thing,’ I say, enjoying our banter. ‘I should have known Hettie wouldn’t let us down.’
‘Absolutely not. And you should have seen the look she gave me when I suggested that of course you would all understand if she wanted to give this week’s class a miss.’
‘Ha! I can imagine. You are one brave woman, Sybil Bloom,’ I chuckle.
‘A foolish one more like,’ she pulls a face. ‘Anyway, I’d better get going and sort out this stinking dog before the whole of Tindledale whiffs of fox poo.’
‘Sure,’ I laugh. ‘Well, thanks for popping by.’ I give Sybs a hug.
‘Oh, I almost forgot – can I give you these?’ She opens the top of her beautiful fuchsia hand-knitted bag – it has rose-print fabric lining – and pulls out a wad of leaflets. ‘It might not be your thing, but I wondered if you wouldn’t mind putting one inside each of your children’s book bags? For the parents. Well, children and dogs too – or ferret in Molly’s case,’ she sighs, and an image of Molly, the butcher’s wife, walking her pet ferret around the village on a lead, pops into my head. ‘Yes, the more the merrier. Ben reckons we really need everyone to get involved if we’re to stand a chance of winning.’ Sybs grins and I grin back, feeling brighter than I have all week. I like Sybil; she’s always cheerful and eager to help out if she can.
‘Sure,’ I say, taking them from her and glancing at the leaflet on top of the pile.
Tindledale Needs You!
Come along to the Duck & Puddle pub on Friday 29 May at 6 p.m. to find out how you can get involved in this year’s GREAT VILLAGE SHOW. All welcome (dogs on leads please).
‘Ooh, so the parish council got over its embarrassment, then, and decided to have another go?’ I say, trying not to sound too amused.
‘What do you mean?’ Sybs asks with a curious look on her face.
‘Well, last time, it, um … didn’t go quite to plan.’ I arch an eyebrow, unsure of how much I should tell her. I imagine some members of the parish council would prefer that the revered village GP and his girlfriend weren’t aware of how badly behaved some of them were last time Tindledale put on a show.
‘Last time?’
‘Yes, it was in the summer before you arrived, which I guess is why you don’t know what happened.’
‘Oh dear, this sounds ominous – what?’ She frowns. ‘Ben thought it might be a good idea, you know, to boost community spirit and really put Tindledale on the map. Apparently the ten best village shows in the whole country get listed in one of the national newspapers, with a full colour feature in their Sunday supplement magazine.’
‘Hmm, Dr Ben is right, it is a good idea, and it certainly does boost community spirit, but last time two of the parish councillors took spirit –’ I pause for added emphasis – ‘to a whole new level and had to resign. There was a falling out over a giant marrow!’
‘Ooops!’ Sybs makes big eyes.
‘Indeed. And we were doing so well, having been pre-selected by the National Village Show Committee to have a celebrity to help with the judging of local produce – food, preserves, cakes, bakes, eggs, vegetables, gardens in bloom … that kind of stuff, which is always a bit of a kudos thing. Stoneley Parish Council were most put out when they had to put up with the plain old ordinary judges. Sooo, Alan Titchmarsh turned up, fresh from his telly gardening programme, and the two Tindledale councillors started bickering and accusing each other of cheating – something about having bought the marrow from the new Lidl that had just opened up in Market Briar, instead of cultivating it on their allotment as per the rules. It was shocking, but hilarious too – one of them completely lost it and ended up grabbing Alan’s clipboard and smashing it over and over and over into the offending marrow, at which point Marigold – you know, the wife of Lord Lucan?’ Sybs nods in acknowledgement, aware I’m referring, not to the famously untraceable nanny-murderer, but to Lord Lucan Fuller-Hamilton from Blackwood House on the Blackwood Farm Estate. ‘Well, she had to step in with a roll of kitchen towel so Alan could wipe the marrow pulp from his face.’
‘Oh no, that’s awful,’ Sybs says, trying not to laugh.
‘And that’s not all. The day before the show, the village green was defiled. Mud everywhere. It was such a mess. A runaway tractor was to blame – one of the farm boys lost control as he came over the brow of the hill and ended up doing twenty zigzag laps with the plough mode in full throttle, across the immaculately manicured lawn. Carnage, it was, and with absolutely no time to re-turf the green before the judges arrived.’
‘Blimey. Well, let’s hope it isn’t a disaster this time around.’
‘Yep, fingers crossed.’
‘Why don’t you come along to the meeting?’ Sybs suggests, slipping the strap of her bag over her head, cross-body style, before getting back on to her bicycle. ‘Sounds as if we might need a teacher, someone in a position of authority, to bring some order to the event – especially if last time’s disastrous chain of events are anything to go by. What if the villagers start behaving like a bunch of children, bickering and bitching over the provenance of their allotment produce?’ Sybs lets out a long whistle, while I ponder on her suggestion.
‘Now, there’s an idea. I might just do that,’ I nod purposefully, thinking it could be just the thing to kick-start my life. Jack isn’t the only one who can look to new horizons. I’m still young, so who knows what the future might hold?
Monday afternoon, and I’ve just arrived home from a very long and difficult day at school when I spot Lawrence leaning against the frame of my sunshine yellow front door. Tall and fifty-something, he’s the most debonair man in the village, and his head is mere inches away from the hanging basket that’s in desperate need of attention – the rainbow mix of mini-petunias have really come on, so much so that they are now cascading almost down to the top of the wooden welly storage box. I make a mental note to sort them out later on. I find it therapeutic, and just what I need right now.
‘Hungry?’ He waggles a pink paper carrier bag from Kitty’s tearoom high in the air, before giving me a huge hug. Dressed in a smart tweed suit, complete with waistcoat and open-necked checked flannel shirt, he looks every inch the perfect country gent – very Ian McKellen, albeit with cropped short hair and classic aviator-style sunglasses, which he takes off and slips inside his breast pocket, swapping them for his usual black-framed indoor glasses. ‘I thought we might enjoy afternoon tea together?’ he adds thoughtfully, stepping aside so I can balance my bike against the brick side wall and unlock the door.
‘Ahh, I’d love to. Thank you, Lawrence, what a great idea.’ I rummage in my handbag for the bunch of keys.
‘I do try,’ he says modestly, with the vague hint of an American accent. ‘Here, let me help you with that.’ He takes my enormous cloth