The Talking Horse, and Other Tales. Anstey F.
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mater,' protested Dick, 'I can't go about asking who'll buy a whole bandbox full of jewels!'
'Oh, very well, then; I suppose we must go on living this hugger-mugger life when we have the means of being as rich as princes, just because you are too lazy and selfish to take a little trouble!'
'I know something about these things,' said Dick. 'I know a fellow who's a diamond merchant, and it's not so easy to sell a lot of valuable stones as you seem to imagine, mother. And then Priscilla really overdoes it, you know – why, if she goes on like this, she'll make diamonds as cheap as currants!'
'I should have thought that was a reason for selling them as soon as possible; but I'm only a woman, and of course my opinion is worth nothing! Still, you might take some of the biggest to your friend, and accept whatever he'll give you for them – there are plenty more, you needn't haggle over the price.'
'He'd want to know all about them, and what should I say? I can't tell him a cousin of mine produces them whenever she feels disposed.'
'You could say they have been in the family for some time, and you are obliged to part with them; I don't ask you to tell a falsehood, Richard.'
'Well, to tell you the honest truth,' said Dick, 'I'd rather have nothing to do with it. I'm not proud, but I shouldn't like it to get about among our fellows at the bank that I went about hawking diamonds.'
'But, you stupid, undutiful boy, don't you see that you could leave the bank – you need never do anything any more – we should all live rich and happy somewhere in the country, if we could only sell those jewels! And you won't do that one little thing!'
'Well,' said Dick, 'I'll think over it. I'll see what I can do.'
And his mother knew that it was perfectly useless to urge him any further: for, in some things, Dick was as obstinate as a mule, and, in others, far too easy-going and careless ever to succeed in life. He had promised to think over it, however, and she had to be contented with that.
On the evening following this conversation cousin Dick entered the sitting-room the moment after his return from the City, and found his mother to all appearances alone.
'What a dear sweet little guileless angel cousin Priscilla is, to be sure!' was his first remark.
'Then you have sold some of the stones!' cried Aunt Margarine. 'Sit down, like a good boy, and tell me all about it.'
'Well,' said Dick, 'I took the finest diamonds and rubies and pearls that escaped from that saintlike child last night in the course of some extremely disparaging comments on my character and pursuits – I took those jewels to Faycett and Rosewater's in New Bond Street – you know the shop, on the right-hand side as you go up – '
'Oh, go on, Dick; go on – never mind where it is – how much did you get for them?'
'I'm coming to that; keep cool, dear mamma. Well, I went in, and I saw the manager, and I said: "I want you to make these up into a horse-shoe scarf-pin for me."'
'You said that! You never tried to sell one? Oh, Dick, you are too provoking!'
'Hold on, mater; I haven't done yet. So the manager – a very gentlemanly person, rather thin on the top of the head – not that that affects his business capacities; for, after all – '
'Dick, do you want to drive me frantic!'
'I can't conceive any domestic occurrence which would be more distressing or generally inconvenient, mother dear. You do interrupt a fellow so! I forgot where I was now – oh, the manager, ah yes! Well, the manager said, "We shall be very happy to have the stones made in any design you may select" – jewellery, by the way, seems to exercise a most refining influence upon the manners: this man had the deportment of a duke – "you may select," he said; "but of course I need not tell you that none of these stones are genuine."'
'Not genuine!' cried Aunt Margarine excitedly. 'They must be – he was lying!'
'West-end jewellers never lie,' said Dick; 'but naturally, when he said that, I told him I should like to have some proof of his assertion. "Will you take the risk of testing?" said he. "Test away, my dear man!" said I. So he brought a little wheel near the emerald – "whizz!" and away went the emerald! Then he let a drop of something fall on the ruby – and it fizzled up for all the world like pink champagne. "Go on, don't mind me!" I told him, so he touched the diamond with an electric wire – "phit!" and there was only something that looked like the ash of a shocking bad cigar. Then the pearls – and they popped like so many air-balloons. "Are you satisfied?" he asked.
'"Oh, perfectly,"' said I, "you needn't trouble about the horse-shoe pin now. Good evening," and so I came away, after thanking him for his very amusing scientific experiments.'
'And do you believe that the jewels are all shams, Dick? – do you really?'
'I think it so probable that nothing on earth will induce me to offer a single one for sale. I should never hear the last of it at the bank. No, mater, dear little Priscilla's sparkling conversation may be unspeakably precious from a moral point of view, but it has no commercial value. Those jewels are bogus – shams every stone of them!'
Now, all this time our heroine had been sitting unperceived in a corner behind a window-curtain, reading 'The Wide, Wide World,' a work which she was never weary of perusing. Some children would have come forward earlier, but Priscilla was never a forward child, and she remained as quiet as a little mouse up to the moment when she could control her feelings no longer.
'It isn't true!' she cried passionately, bursting out of her retreat and confronting her cousin; 'it's cruel and unkind to say my jewels are shams! They are real – they are, they are!'
'Hullo, Prissie!' said her abandoned cousin; 'so you combine jewel-dropping with eaves-dropping, eh?'
'How dare you!' cried Aunt Margarine, almost beside herself, 'you odious little prying minx, setting up to teach your elders and your betters with your cut and dried priggish maxims! When I think how I have petted and indulged you all this time, and borne with the abominable litter you left in every room you entered – and now to find you are only a little, conceited, hypocritical impostor – oh, why haven't I words to express my contempt for such conduct – why am I dumb at such a moment as this?'
'Come, mother,' said her son soothingly, 'that's not such a bad beginning; I should call it fairly fluent and expressive, myself.'
'Be quiet, Dick! I'm speaking to this wicked child, who has obtained our love and sympathy and attention on false pretences, for which she ought to be put in prison – yes, in prison, for such a heartless trick on relatives who can ill afford to be so cruelly disappointed!'
'But, aunt!' expostulated poor Priscilla, 'you always said you only kept the jewels as souvenirs, and that it did you so much good to hear me talk!'
'Don't argue with me, miss! If I had known the stones were wretched tawdry imitations, do you imagine for an instant – ?'
'Now, mother,' said Dick, 'be fair – they were uncommonly good imitations, you must admit that!'
'Indeed, indeed I thought they were real, the fairy never told me!'
'After all,' said Dick, 'it's not Priscilla's fault. She can't help it if the stones aren't real, and she made up for quality by quantity anyhow; didn't you, Prissie?'
'Hold your tongue, Richard; she could help it, she knew it all the time, and she's a hateful, sanctimonious little stuck-up viper, and so I tell her to her face!'
Priscilla could scarcely believe that kind, indulgent, smooth-spoken Aunt Margarine could be addressing such words to her; it frightened her so much that she did not dare to answer, and just then Cathie and Belle came into the room.
'Oh, mother,' they began penitently, 'we're so sorry, but we couldn't find dear Prissie anywhere, so we haven't picked up anything the whole afternoon!'
'Ah, my poor darlings, you shall never be your cousin's slaves any more. Don't go near her, she's a naughty, deceitful wretch; her jewels are false, my sweet loves, false! She has imposed upon us all, she does not deserve to associate with you!'
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