The Brass Bottle: A Farcical Fantastic Play in Four Acts. Anstey F.
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don't want to be ungracious, but I must decline to be under any obligation whatever to a – well, to a perfect stranger like yourself.
Hast thou not placed me under the heaviest of obligations by delivering me from a bottle of brass? To escape out of a bottle is pleasant!
So I should imagine. But, you see, I'd no notion what I was doing or – well, it's done now, and if you really wish to show your gratitude for a very trifling service, I'll tell you how you can do it. [In a tone of earnest entreaty.] Take back all these gifts of yours, and let me alone!
[Beaming.] Truly I am amazed by thy modesty and magnanimity!
I'm not magnanimous – I'm devilish annoyed! [Exasperated.] Hang it all! Can't you understand that all these things are no earthly use to me? You might just as well have sent me so many white elephants!
As thou pleasest! To send thee elephants – yea, even in abundance – will be no difficult undertaking.
[Aghast.] Good Lord! Don't you go wasting white elephants on me! You take everything so literally! All I meant was that if these things were white elephants, instead of what they are, I couldn't be more embarrassed! Now do you see?
[Coming down to right.] Thou seemest to me to be despising riches beyond all price.
Exactly! Because they are beyond all price! Look at those sacks – bulging, simply bulging with diamonds and rubies and emeralds as big as ostrich eggs! Well, I can't wear 'em. They'd be too dressy! I can't sell 'em – no one could afford to buy a single one of 'em! And how am I to account for having them at all?
Thou canst surely say that they are presents to thee from Fakrash-el-Aamash, a Jinnee of the Green Jinn, in return for thy kindness in releasing him from a bottle of brass.
Oh, can I? I fancy I see myself giving that explanation! [More mildly.] No, Fakrash, – you meant well – but the kindest thing you can do is to remove all this at once —
This is a thing that cannot be. For to bestow gifts and receive them back disgraceth the giver.
Not when the gifts are only in the way. [He nearly trips over a sack.] Just look at this room!
Verily it is but a miserable apartment for a person of thy distinction!
It's quite good enough for me when it isn't lumbered up like this. I'm expecting friends to dinner this evening, and how the deuce am I to entertain them comfortably unless you make it possible for me?
[Benevolently.] Have no uneasiness. I will see that thou art enabled to entertain thy guests as is fitting.
Good! [At window.] Then you'll send for that caravan of yours?
I hear and obey.
[Encouraging them.] That's right! All those are to go. Put your back into it! [To some slaves who are throwing down bales from the balcony.] Do be careful! You nearly bowled a camel over that time! [The last slave has gone out with a sack from which an immense blue jewel has rolled; Horace picks it up and calls after him.] Hi! You've dropped a little sapphire thing! [The Head Slave takes the sapphire from him and salaams.] Sure you've got the lot? All right! Good day! [The Head Slave makes a final salaam and goes out, the door closing after him mysteriously; Horace approaches Fakrash.] It's awfully nice of you not to be offended, old fellow, and I'm just as much obliged as if I'd kept the things, you know.
It is no matter. Thou shalt receive other rewards more to thy liking.
[Alarmed.] No, no! I assure you I don't want anything. I can get along quite well by myself. Because – of course, you wouldn't know it, but – [with pride] – I've got a client now!
[Calmly.] I know it. Was he not my first gift unto thee?
[Staggered.] Your first – ? No, no – don't you go taking credit for that! He assured me himself that he came of his own accord!
He knew no better. Nevertheless it was I that procured him for thee.
How?
[Airily.] In the easiest manner possible. Having remarked him upon a bridge, I transported him instantly to thy dwelling, impressing him without his knowledge with thy names and thy marvellous abilities.
[Horrified – to himself.] Good Lord! He said he came in by the window! [To Fakrash.] So you did that, did you? Then you took a confounded liberty! You'd no business to introduce clients to me in that irregular way! Don't you ever do this sort of thing again! Just attend to your own affairs in future. I understood you were going off in search of Suleymán. It's high time you started. You won't find him in this country, you know.
He is on some journey – for in Jerusalem itself could I find no sign of him.
Oh, come! You can't have flown as far as Jerusalem and back already!
Know'st thou not that, to a Jinnee of the Jinn, distance is but a trifling matter?
So much the better! You'll be back in the East all the sooner. And when you are there, you stay there. Don't get disheartened if you don't find Suleymán directly. Keep on pegging away till you do! Why, the mere travelling will be a pleasant change for you!
[On right of table; sententiously.] Well and wisely was it written: "In travel there are five advantages. [Proceeding to enumerate them on his fingers.] The first of these is – "
[Impatiently, as he moves to his bedroom door on right.] I know, I know! Don't you bother to run through them now– I've got to dress for dinner. Just you bundle off to Arabia and search for Suleymán like billy-oh. Good-bye!
May Allah never deprive thy friends of thy presence! Never have I encountered a mortal who has pleased me so greatly!
[At bedroom door.] Awfully good of you to say so!
Farewell! Prepare to receive a reward beyond all thine expectations!
[With his back to the audience.] Great Scott! What's that old idiot let me in for now?
[Heard