A Pair of Blue Eyes. Thomas Hardy
Читать онлайн книгу.
she exclaimed, in a tone neither of pleasure nor anger, but partaking of both. ‘I ought not to have allowed such a romp! We are too old now for that sort of thing.’
‘I hope you don’t think me too – too much of a creeping-round sort of man,’ said he in a penitent tone, conscious that he too had lost a little dignity by the proceeding.
‘You are too familiar; and I can’t have it! Considering the shortness of the time we have known each other, Mr. Smith, you take too much upon you. You think I am a country girl, and it doesn’t matter how you behave to me!’
‘I assure you, Miss Swancourt, that I had no idea of freak in my mind. I wanted to imprint a sweet – serious kiss upon your hand; and that’s all.’
‘Now, that’s creeping round again! And you mustn’t look into my eyes so,’ she said, shaking her head at him, and trotting on a few paces in advance. Thus she led the way out of the lane and across some fields in the direction of the cliffs. At the boundary of the fields nearest the sea she expressed a wish to dismount. The horse was tied to a post, and they both followed an irregular path, which ultimately terminated upon a flat ledge passing round the face of the huge blue-black rock at a height about midway between the sea and the topmost verge. There, far beneath and before them, lay the everlasting stretch of ocean; there, upon detached rocks, were the white screaming gulls, seeming ever intending to settle, and yet always passing on. Right and left ranked the toothed and zigzag line of storm-torn heights, forming the series which culminated in the one beneath their feet.
Behind the youth and maiden was a tempting alcove and seat, formed naturally in the beetling mass, and wide enough to admit two or three persons. Elfride sat down, and Stephen sat beside her.
‘I am afraid it is hardly proper of us to be here, either,’ she said half inquiringly. ‘We have not known each other long enough for this kind of thing, have we!’
‘Oh yes,’ he replied judicially; ‘quite long enough.’
‘How do you know?’
‘It is not length of time, but the manner in which our minutes beat, that makes enough or not enough in our acquaintanceship.’
‘Yes, I see that. But I wish papa suspected or knew what a VERY NEW THING I am doing. He does not think of it at all.’
‘Darling Elfie, I wish we could be married! It is wrong for me to say it – I know it is – before you know more; but I wish we might be, all the same. Do you love me deeply, deeply?’
‘No!’ she said in a fluster.
At this point-blank denial, Stephen turned his face away decisively, and preserved an ominous silence; the only objects of interest on earth for him being apparently the three or four-score sea-birds circling in the air afar off.
‘I didn’t mean to stop you quite,’ she faltered with some alarm; and seeing that he still remained silent, she added more anxiously, ‘If you say that again, perhaps, I will not be quite – quite so obstinate – if – if you don’t like me to be.’
‘Oh, my Elfride!’ he exclaimed, and kissed her.
It was Elfride’s first kiss. And so awkward and unused was she; full of striving – no relenting. There was none of those apparent struggles to get out of the trap which only results in getting further in: no final attitude of receptivity: no easy close of shoulder to shoulder, hand upon hand, face upon face, and, in spite of coyness, the lips in the right place at the supreme moment. That graceful though apparently accidental falling into position, which many have noticed as precipitating the end and making sweethearts the sweeter, was not here. Why? Because experience was absent. A woman must have had many kisses before she kisses well.
In fact, the art of tendering the lips for these amatory salutes follows the principles laid down in treatises on legerdemain for performing the trick called Forcing a Card. The card is to be shifted nimbly, withdrawn, edged under, and withal not to be offered till the moment the unsuspecting person’s hand reaches the pack; this forcing to be done so modestly and yet so coaxingly, that the person trifled with imagines he is really choosing what is in fact thrust into his hand.
Well, there were no such facilities now; and Stephen was conscious of it – first with a momentary regret that his kiss should be spoilt by her confused receipt of it, and then with the pleasant perception that her awkwardness was her charm.
‘And you do care for me and love me?’ said he.
‘Yes.’
‘Very much?’
‘Yes.’
‘And I mustn’t ask you if you’ll wait for me, and be my wife some day?’
‘Why not?’ she said naively.
‘There is a reason why, my Elfride.’
‘Not any one that I know of.’
‘Suppose there is something connected with me which makes it almost impossible for you to agree to be my wife, or for your father to countenance such an idea?’
‘Nothing shall make me cease to love you: no blemish can be found upon your personal nature. That is pure and generous, I know; and having that, how can I be cold to you?’
‘And shall nothing else affect us – shall nothing beyond my nature be a part of my quality in your eyes, Elfie?’
‘Nothing whatever,’ she said with a breath of relief. ‘Is that all? Some outside circumstance? What do I care?’
‘You can hardly judge, dear, till you know what has to be judged. For that, we will stop till we get home. I believe in you, but I cannot feel bright.’
‘Love is new, and fresh to us as the dew; and we are together. As the lover’s world goes, this is a great deal. Stephen, I fancy I see the difference between me and you – between men and women generally, perhaps. I am content to build happiness on any accidental basis that may lie near at hand; you are for making a world to suit your happiness.’
‘Elfride, you sometimes say things which make you seem suddenly to become five years older than you are, or than I am; and that remark is one. I couldn’t think so OLD as that, try how I might…And no lover has ever kissed you before?’
‘Never.’
‘I knew that; you were so unused. You ride well, but you don’t kiss nicely at all; and I was told once, by my friend Knight, that that is an excellent fault in woman.’
‘Now, come; I must mount again, or we shall not be home by dinner-time.’ And they returned to where Pansy stood tethered. ‘Instead of entrusting my weight to a young man’s unstable palm,’ she continued gaily, ‘I prefer a surer “upping-stock” (as the villagers call it), in the form of a gate. There – now I am myself again.’
They proceeded homeward at the same walking pace.
Her blitheness won Stephen out of his thoughtfulness, and each forgot everything but the tone of the moment.
‘What did you love me for?’ she said, after a long musing look at a flying bird.
‘I don’t know,’ he replied idly.
‘Oh yes, you do,’ insisted Elfride.
‘Perhaps, for your eyes.’
‘What of them? – now, don’t vex me by a light answer. What of my eyes?’
‘Oh, nothing to be mentioned. They are indifferently good.’
‘Come, Stephen, I won’t have that. What did you love me for?’
‘It might have been for your mouth?’
‘Well, what about my mouth?’
‘I thought it was a passable mouth enough – ’
‘That’s not very comforting.’
‘With a pretty pout and sweet lips; but actually, nothing more than what everybody has.’
‘Don’t make up things out of your head as you go on, there’s a dear Stephen.