Saint's Progress. Galsworthy John
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the same as we are, I daresay. It’s the vicious way they’re brought up, of actin’ in the mass, that’s made ‘em such a crool lot. I see a good bit of crowds in my profession, and I’ve a very low opinion of them. Crowds are the most blunderin’ blighted things that ever was. They’re like an angry woman with a bandage over her eyes, an’ you can’t have anything more dangerous than that. These Germans, it seems, are always in a crowd. They get a state o’ mind read out to them by Bill Kaser and all that bloody-minded lot, an’ they never stop to think for themselves.”
“I suppose they’d be shot if they did,” said Noel.
“Well, there is that,” said the policeman reflectively. “They’ve brought discipline to an ‘igh pitch, no doubt. An’ if you ask me,” – he lowered his voice till it was almost lost in his chin-strap, “we’ll be runnin’ ‘em a good second ‘ere, before long. The things we ‘ave to protect now are gettin’ beyond a joke. There’s the City against lights, there’s the streets against darkness, there’s the aliens, there’s the aliens’ shops, there’s the Belgians, there’s the British wives, there’s the soldiers against the women, there’s the women against the soldiers, there’s the Peace Party, there’s ‘orses against croolty, there’s a Cabinet Minister every now an’ then; and now we’ve got these Conchies. And, mind you, they haven’t raised our pay; no war wages in the police. So far as I can see, there’s only one good result of the war – the burglaries are off. But there again, you wait a bit and see if we don’t have a prize crop of ‘m, or my name’s not ‘Arris.”
“You must have an awfully exciting life!” said Noel.
The policeman looked down at her sideways, without lowering his face, as only a policeman can, and said indulgently:
“We’re used to it, you see; there’s no excitement in what you’re used to. They find that in the trenches, I’m told. Take our seamen – there’s lots of ‘em been blown up over and over again, and there they go and sign on again next day. That’s where the Germans make their mistake! England in war-time! I think a lot, you know, on my go; you can’t ‘elp it – the mind will work – an’ the more I think, the more I see the fightin’ spirit in the people. We don’t make a fuss about it like Bill Kaser. But you watch a little shopman, one o’ those fellows who’s had his house bombed; you watch the way he looks at the mess – sort of disgusted. You watch his face, and you see he’s got his teeth into it. You watch one of our Tommies on ‘is crutches, with the sweat pourin’ off his forehead an’ ‘is eyes all strainy, stumpin’ along – that gives you an idea! I pity these Peace fellows, reely I pity them; they don’t know what they’re up against. I expect there’s times when you wish you was a man, don’t you, miss? I’m sure there’s times when I feel I’d like to go in the trenches. That’s the worst o’ my job; you can’t be a human bein’ – not in the full sense of the word. You mustn’t let your passions rise, you mustn’t drink, you mustn’t talk; it’s a narrow walk o’ life. Well, here you are, miss; your Square’s the next turnin’ to the right. Good night and thank you for your conversation.”
Noel held out her hand. “Good night!” she said.
The policeman took her hand with a queer, flattered embarrassment.
“Good night, miss,” he said again. “I see you’ve got a trouble; and I’m sure I hope it’ll turn out for the best.”
Noel gave his huge hand a squeeze; her eyes had filled with tears, and she turned quickly up towards the Square, where a dark figure was coming towards her, in whom she recognised her father. His face was worn and harassed; he walked irresolutely, like a man who has lost something.
“Nollie!” he said. “Thank God!” In his voice was an infinite relief. “My child, where have you been?”
“It’s all right, Daddy. Cyril has just gone to the front. I’ve been seeing him off from Charing Cross.”
Pierson slipped his arm round her. They entered the house without speaking…
3
By the rail of his transport, as far – about two feet – as he could get from anyone, Cyril Morland stood watching Calais, a dream city, brighten out of the heat and grow solid. He could hear the guns already, the voice of his new life-talking in the distance. It came with its strange excitement into a being held by soft and marvellous memories, by one long vision of Noel and the moonlit grass, under the dark Abbey wall. This moment of passage from wonder to wonder was quite too much for a boy unused to introspection, and he stood staring stupidly at Calais, while the thunder of his new life came rolling in on that passionate moonlit dream.
VII
After the emotions of those last three days Pierson woke with the feeling a ship must have when it makes landfall. Such reliefs are natural, and as a rule delusive; for events are as much the parents of the future as they were the children of the past. To be at home with both his girls, and resting – for his holiday would not be over for ten days – was like old times. Now George was going on so well Gratian would be herself again; now Cyril Morland was gone Noel would lose that sudden youthful love fever. Perhaps in two or three days if George continued to progress, one might go off with Noel somewhere for one’s last week. In the meantime the old house, wherein was gathered so much remembrance of happiness and pain, was just as restful as anywhere else, and the companionship of his girls would be as sweet as on any of their past rambling holidays in Wales or Ireland. And that first morning of perfect idleness – for no one knew he was back in London – pottering, and playing the piano in the homely drawing-room where nothing to speak of was changed since his wife’s day, was very pleasant. He had not yet seen the girls, for Noel did not come down to breakfast, and Gratian was with George.
Discovery that there was still a barrier between him and them came but slowly in the next two days. He would not acknowledge it, yet it was there, in their voices, in their movements – rather an absence of something old than the presence of something new. It was as if each had said to him: “We love you, but you are not in our secrets – and you must not be, for you would try to destroy them.” They showed no fear of him, but seemed to be pushing him unconsciously away, lest he should restrain or alter what was very dear to them. They were both fond of him, but their natures had set foot on definitely diverging paths. The closer the affection, the more watchful they were against interference by that affection. Noel had a look on her face, half dazed, half proud, which touched, yet vexed him. What had he done to forfeit her confidence – surely she must see how natural and right his opposition had been! He made one great effort to show the real sympathy he felt for her. But she only said: “I can’t talk of Cyril, Daddy; I simply can’t!” And he, who easily shrank into his shell, could not but acquiesce in her reserve.
With Gratian it was different. He knew that an encounter was before him; a struggle between him and her husband – for characteristically he set the change in her, the defection of her faith, down to George, not to spontaneous thought and feeling in herself. He dreaded and yet looked forward to this encounter. It came on the third day, when Laird was up, lying on that very sofa where Pierson had sat listening to Gratian’s confession of disbelief. Except for putting in his head to say good morning, he had not yet seen his son-in-law: The young doctor could not look fragile, the build of his face, with that law and those heavy cheekbones was too much against it, but there was about him enough of the look of having come through a hard fight to give Pierson’s heart a squeeze.
“Well, George,” he said, “you gave us a dreadful fright! I thank God’s mercy.” With that half-mechanical phrase he had flung an unconscious challenge. Laird looked up whimsically.
“So you really think God merciful, sir?”
“Don’t let us argue, George; you’re not strong enough.”
“Oh! I’m pining for something to bite on.”
Pierson looked at Gratian, and said softly:
“God’s mercy is infinite, and you know it is.”
Laird also looked at Gratian, before he answered:
“God’s