The Trumpet-Major. Thomas Hardy
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you can curl up on the furniture if beds run short. As for my sleep, it won’t be much. I’m melancholy! A woman has, I may say, got my heart in her pocket, and I have hers in mine. She’s not much – to other folk, I mean – but she is to me. The little thing came in my way, and conquered me. I fancy that simple girl! I ought to have looked higher – I know it; what of that? ’Tis a fate that may happen to the greatest men.’
‘Whash her name?’ said one of the warriors, whose head occasionally drooped upon his epaulettes, and whose eyes fell together in the casual manner characteristic of the tired soldier. (It was really Farmer Stubb, of Duddle Hole.)
‘Her name? Well, ’tis spelt, A, N – but, by gad, I won’t give ye her name here in company. She don’t live a hundred miles off, however, and she wears the prettiest cap-ribbons you ever saw. Well, well, ’tis weakness! She has little, and I have much; but I do adore that girl, in spite of myself!’
‘Let’s go on,’ said Anne.
‘Prithee stand by an old man till he’s got into his house!’ implored Uncle Benjy. ‘I only ask ye to bide within call. Stand back under the trees, and I’ll do my poor best to give no trouble.’
‘I’ll stand by you for half-an-hour, sir,’ said Loveday. ‘After that I must bolt to camp.’
‘Very well; bide back there under the trees,’ said Uncle Benjy. ‘I don’t want to spite ’em?’
‘You’ll wait a few minutes, just to see if he gets in?’ said the trumpet-major to Anne as they retired from the old man.
‘I want to get home,’ said Anne anxiously.
When they had quite receded behind the tree-trunks and he stood alone, Uncle Benjy, to their surprise, set up a loud shout, altogether beyond the imagined power of his lungs.
‘Man a-lost! man a-lost!’ he cried, repeating the exclamation several times; and then ran and hid himself behind a corner of the building. Soon the door opened, and Festus and his guests came tumbling out upon the green.
‘’Tis our duty to help folks in distress,’ said Festus. ‘Man a-lost, where are you?’
‘’Twas across there,’ said one of his friends.
‘No! ’twas here,’ said another.
Meanwhile Uncle Benjy, coming from his hiding-place, had scampered with the quickness of a boy up to the door they had quitted, and slipped in. In a moment the door flew together, and Anne heard him bolting and barring it inside. The revellers, however, did not notice this, and came on towards the spot where the trumpet-major and Anne were standing.
‘Here’s succour at hand, friends,’ said Festus. ‘We are all king’s men; do not fear us.’
‘Thank you,’ said Loveday; ‘so are we.’ He explained in two words that they were not the distressed traveller who had cried out, and turned to go on.
‘’Tis she! my life, ’tis she said Festus, now first recognizing Anne. ‘Fair Anne, I will not part from you till I see you safe at your own dear door.’
‘She’s in my hands,’ said Loveday civilly, though not without firmness, ‘so it is not required, thank you.’
‘Man, had I but my sword – ’
‘Come,’ said Loveday, ‘I don’t want to quarrel. Let’s put it to her. Whichever of us she likes best, he shall take her home. Miss Anne, which?’
Anne would much rather have gone home alone, but seeing the remainder of the yeomanry party staggering up she thought it best to secure a protector of some kind. How to choose one without offending the other and provoking a quarrel was the difficulty.
‘You must both walk home with me,’ she adroitly said, ‘one on one side, and one on the other. And if you are not quite civil to one another all the time, I’ll never speak to either of you again.’
They agreed to the terms, and the other yeomen arriving at this time said they would go also as rearguard.
‘Very well,’ said Anne. ‘Now go and get your hats, and don’t be long.’
‘Ah, yes; our hats,’ said the yeomanry, whose heads were so hot that they had forgotten their nakedness till then.
‘You’ll wait till we’ve got ’em – we won’t be a moment,’ said Festus eagerly.
Anne and Loveday said yes, and Festus ran back to the house, followed by all his band.
‘Now let’s run and leave ’em,’ said Anne, when they were out of hearing.
‘But we’ve promised to wait!’ said the trumpet-major in surprise.
‘Promised to wait!’ said Anne indignantly. ‘As if one ought to keep such a promise to drunken men as that. You can do as you like, I shall go.’
‘It is hardly fair to leave the chaps,’ said Loveday reluctantly, and looking back at them. But she heard no more, and flitting off under the trees, was soon lost to his sight.
Festus and the rest had by this time reached Uncle Benjy’s door, which they were discomfited and astonished to find closed. They began to knock, and then to kick at the venerable timber, till the old man’s head, crowned with a tasselled nightcap, appeared at an upper window, followed by his shoulders, with apparently nothing on but his shirt, though it was in truth a sheet thrown over his coat.
‘Fie, fie upon ye all for making such a hullaballoo at a weak old man’s door,’ he said, yawning. ‘What’s in ye to rouse honest folks at this time o’ night?’
‘Hang me – why – it’s Uncle Benjy! Haw – haw – haw?’ said Festus. ‘Nunc, why how the devil’s this? ’Tis I – Festus – wanting to come in.’
‘O no, no, my clever man, whoever you be!’ said Uncle Benjy in a tone of incredulous integrity. ‘My nephew, dear boy, is miles away at quarters, and sound asleep by this time, as becomes a good soldier. That story won’t do to-night, my man, not at all.’
‘Upon my soul ’tis I,’ said Festus.
‘Not to-night, my man; not to-night! Anthony, bring my blunderbuss,’ said the farmer, turning and addressing nobody inside the room.
‘Let’s break in the window-shutters,’ said one of the others.
‘My wig, and we will!’ said Festus. ‘What a trick of the old man!’
‘Get some big stones,’ said the yeomen, searching under the wall.
‘No; forbear, forbear,’ said Festus, beginning to be frightened at the spirit he had raised. ‘I forget; we should drive him into fits, for he’s subject to ’em, and then perhaps ’twould be manslaughter. Comrades, we must march! No, we’ll lie in the barn. I’ll see into this, take my word for ‘t. Our honour is at stake. Now let’s back to see my beauty home.’
‘We can’t, as we hav’n’t got our hats,’ said one of his fellow-troopers – in domestic life Jacob Noakes, of Muckleford Farm.
‘No more we can,’ said Festus, in a melancholy tone. ‘But I must go to her and tell her the reason. She pulls me in spite of all.’
‘She’s gone. I saw her flee across park while we were knocking at the door,’ said another of the yeomanry.
‘Gone!’ said Festus, grinding his teeth and putting himself into a rigid shape. ‘Then ’tis my enemy – he has tempted her away with him! But I am a rich man, and he’s poor, and rides the King’s horse while I ride my own. Could I but find that fellow, that regular, that common man, I would – ’
‘Yes?’ said the trumpet-major, coming up behind him.
‘I,’ – said Festus, starting round, – ‘I would seize him by the hand and say, “Guard her; if you are my friend, guard her from all harm!”’
‘A good speech. And I will, too,’ said Loveday heartily.
‘And now for shelter,’