Alexithymics – People without feelings

      Alexithymia is a word used to describe people who appear to lack emotions – including anger. Alexithymia is thought to be a fairly stable personality trait but isn’t a formal, psychological diagnosis in and of itself. Alexithymics tend to

      ✔ Have difficulty identifying different types of feelings

      ✔ Appear stiff and wooden in relating to others

      ✔ Lack emotional awareness

      ✔ Lack enjoyment

      ✔ Have trouble distinguishing between emotions and bodily feelings

      ✔ Appear overly logical when it comes to decision making

      ✔ Lack sympathy for others

      ✔ Appear perplexed by other people’s emotions

      ✔ Be unmoved by art, literature, and music

      ✔ Have few, if any, emotional memories (for example, memories of childhood)

      We don’t suggest disconnecting from your feelings to manage your anger. You want to have emotions but you want to be in control of those emotions. You want to let anger move you to write a letter to the editor in your local newspaper about some social injustice. You want your anger to move you to stand up for yourself when your talents are being exploited in the workplace.

      Anger that says to your spouse, “Hey, something is not working here” is good for a marriage. But if your anger only moves you to hurt others – or yourself – then you definitely have a problem. Think of anger as a tool that can help you throughout life if you know how to use it – and think of Anger Management For Dummies as a reference on how to use that tool.

      ✔ Carefully selected family and friends: You need people who are behind you 100 percent, people who know about your problems with anger and are cheering you on as you figure out how to manage it.

      ✔ Informational support: You can have the best of intentions, but if you don’t have the information you need about anger and how to manage it, you won’t get far. Lucky for you, you’re holding all the information you need to get a handle on your anger in your hands.

      ✔ Self-help: Most communities have anger-management self-help groups and classes – these are usually published in the newspaper and on the Internet. Some religious organizations also sponsor such self-help groups.

      ✔ Professional help: People with anger-management problems generally don’t think of themselves as needing psychotherapy. However, a trained, licensed therapist, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist usually has important skills that can help you turn away from anger. Therapy can help you identify your personal anger triggers, teach coping skills, and support you through the process. And therapists would gladly work with you on getting the most out of this book as well.

      ▶ Understanding the adaptive possibilities of anger

      ▶ Spotting your anger buttons

      ▶ Identifying how, when, and where you express anger

      ▶ Seeing problems that accompany anger

      Cheryl’s boss tells her that her work is amazing but that other staff members have complained about her frequent irritability. Cheryl feels her pulse rate increase and her face redden, “I can’t understand that; I never get angry with anyone,” she insists, “I get everything done for everyone and this is the thanks I get?”

      Stan often expresses his anger at work by slamming doors and yelling. His boss tells him that his emotions are out of control. He recommends that Stan attend anger-management classes. Stan slams the performance review on his desk and shouts, “How the hell do you expect me to act when everyone around me is an incompetent fool?”

      Amber’s boss gives her a solid review. He asks her whether she has any concerns or complaints. She hesitates for a moment and calmly remarks, “Actually, I am upset and even a bit angry that a couple of my colleagues suffer from anger problems that distract me and hurt our workgroup’s morale.”