Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни. Отсутствует
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ты имеешь над своей женой?
3. Третий парень хранил молчание.
4. Через некоторое время один из первых двоих повернулся к третьему.
5. Ну, а как насчет тебя?
6. Как раз на днях вечером моя жена приползла ко мне на четвереньках.
7. Что случилось потом?
«Get out from under the bed!» — приказала жена третьему из парней, сидящих в баре. Слово get может использоваться и в других словосочетаниях, проявляя поразительную многозначность. Проверьте свое языковое чутье в отношении этого слова. При необходимости используйте грамматический комментарий (раздел 19).
6. Read the text one more time and substitute the word «to get» for any verb that seems to have about the same meaning.
7. Render the joke.
Section 17
Prospective church members
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor said, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.»
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, «Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»
The old man replied, «No problem at all, Pastor.»
«Congratulations! Welcome to the church!» said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, «Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»
The man replied, «The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but… yes we made it.»
«Congratulations! Welcome to the church!» said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, «Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»
«No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,» the young man replied sadly.
«What happened?» inquired the pastor.
«My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.»
«You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,» stated the pastor.
«We know,» said the young man, «we're not welcome at the local supermarket anymore either.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
elderly пожилой, стареющий
to join вступить (куда-л.), присоединиться
pastor священник, пастор
requirements требования (от to requireтребовать)
parishioner прихожанин (от parishприход)
to abstain воздерживаться
to reply отвечать
couch кушетка
to reach (for) дотягиваться (до чего-л.)
can банка
corn кукуруза
top верх; верхний
to bend (over) наклоняться (над чем-л.)
lust сильное желание
advantage преимущество
to state утверждать
to join a church вступить в церковь
to be able быть способным, мочь
No problem at all! Никаких проблем!
to go without sex обходиться без секса
Congratulations! Поздравления!
Welcome! Добро пожаловать!
to be welcome быть желаемым, желанным (где-л.)
to pick sth up поднимать что-л.
to be overcome with sth быть охваченным (чем-л.)
to take advantage of her воспользоваться удобным моментом
right there прямо там
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many couples wanted to join the church and how old were they?
2. What special requirements did the couples have to meet if they wanted to join the church?
3. Who did the pastor go to first when the couples returned after the two weeks' trial period?
4. Why was it easy for an elderly couple to be admitted to church?
5. How did the middle-aged husband cope with the problem?
6. What was wrong with the can of corn?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Two couples wanted _______ a church.
2. We have special _______ for new parishioners.
3. You must _______ from having sex.
4. No problem _______, Pastor.
5. _______ to the church!
6. I had to sleep on the couch for _______ of nights.
7. We were not _______ to go without sex.
8. My wife was _______ for a can of corn.
3. Say if the sentences are true or false:
1. Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join the army.
2. We have special requirements for new parishioners.
3. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.
4. The couples didn't agree and never came back.
5. The