Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improve Your Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress. John Gray
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Also by John Gray
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
This book is dedicated with deepest love and affection to my wife, Bonnie Gray.
Her love has supported me to be the best I can be and share with others what we have learned together.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE Why Mars and Venus Collide
CHAPTER TWO Hardwired to Be Different
CHAPTER THREE Stress Hormones from Mars and Venus
CHAPTER FOUR A Woman’s Never-Ending To-Do List
CHAPTER FIVE The 90/10 Solution
CHAPTER SIX Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee
CHAPTER SEVEN The Anatomy of a Fight
CHAPTER EIGHT How to Stop Fighting and Make Up
CHAPTER NINE Talking about Feelings in a Fight-Free Zone
CHAPTER TEN Looking for Love in All the Right Places
CONCLUSION Creating a Lifetime of Love
Appendix A: Reducing Stress through Cellular Cleansing
Appendix B: Creating the Brain Chemicals of Health, Happiness, and Romance
Appendix C: Mars Venus Coaching and Counseling
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I thank my wife, Bonnie, for sharing the journey of developing this book with me. She has been a great teacher as well as my biggest fan. She is a tremendous source of insight, and her capacity to love is a great inspiration. I thank her for expanding my ability to understand and honor the female point of view. This perspective has not only enriched our life together but also provides the foundation for the many insights in this book.
I thank our three daughters—Shannon and her husband, Jon Myers; Juliet and her husband, Dan Levinson; and Lauren—for their continuous love and support. Our many conversations have definitely enriched my perspective on what it means to be a young woman today. The love we share and the many challenges they have each overcome have helped anchor the many practical ideas in Why Mars and Venus Collide. I also thank our new grandchild Sophia Rose for the new grace and delight she has brought to our family.
I thank my staff and team, Bonnie Gray, Juliet Levinson, Jeff Owens, Melanie Gorman, Dean Levin, Neil Dickens, Ellie Coren, and Sherrie Natrass for their consistant support and hard work in organizing and producing my talks, seminars, columns, TV show, radio show, infomercial, nutritional product development and distribution, MarsVenus.com Web site, AskMarsVenus.com telephone coaching, MarsVenusDating.com, Mars Venus Coaching training program, MarsVenusGoCleanse.com, and Mars Venus Wellness Retreats. For a small group of people, you do a lot. I also want to thank the hundreds of supportive people who help our team bring this message to the world.
I thank my editors, Kathryn Huck and Diane Reverand, for their brilliant feedback, advice, and editorial expertise, and the CEO of HarperCollins, Jane Friedman, and publisher Jonathan Burnham for their vision and encouragement. I thank Steven Kunkes, M.D., for reviewing the scientific chapters to make sure I had it all right.
The ideas in this book are certainly inspired by my own personal experiences in creating a loving relationship and in helping others do the same, but without the thousands of people who have generously shared their insights, experiences, and research it could never have been so rich. Each page has some jewel of wisdom that I have cherished hearing, and I know you, the reader, will as well. To gather these ideas, it has taken a team of dedicated health, happiness, and relationship teachers, writers, coaches, researchers, therapists, doctors, nurses, patients, and seminar participants over thirty years to refine and develop. Much of this work in developing the new ideas of Why Mars and Venus Collide was done through special gatherings and seminars at the Mars Venus Wellness Center in northern California during the past five years.
I thank the colleagues and experts who have aided me during my research: Dr. Daniel G. Amen, John and Cher Anderson, Jack Canfield, Warren Farrell, Jim and Kathy Cover, Tony and Randi Escobar, Dr. Solar Farahmand, Dr. Mitzi Gold, Dr. Dennis Harper, Dr. William Hitt, Peter and Sarah Greenwall, Dr. Tom McNeillis, Dr. Gary Gordon, Ron Reid, Dr. Brian Turner, Harv Ecker, and Dr. Cynthia Watson.
I thank the thousands of people who have shared their personal experiences, concerns, and comments. Their enthusiasm with this material has motivated me and given me the confidence to write this book.
I thank my many friends and family members for their support and helpful suggestions: Robert Gray, Tom Gray, David Gray, and Virginia Gray, Darren and Jackie Stephens, Clifford McGuire, Ian and Ellen Coren, Martin and Josie Brown, Andrea and Reggie Henkart, Mirra Rose, Lee Shapiro, Gary Quinton, Russ and Carol Burns, Rhonda Collier, Rami El Batrawi, Sherrie Bettie, Max and Karen Langenburg, and Malcolm Johns.
I thank my parents, Virginia and David Gray, for all their love and support, and Lucille Brixey, who was always like a second mother to me. Although they are no longer here, their love and encouragement continue to surround and bless me.
INTRODUCTION
In the last fifty years, life has become more complicated. Longer working hours, intensified by grueling commutes and more traffic, the increased