Hold the Dream. Barbara Taylor Bradford
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furthermore, he wanted everyone to be happy, and all of the time, no less. He hated controversy and upset, bent over backward to keep the peace – and very often that was to his own detriment. In Emma’s mind, one of Jim’s main problems was his overwhelming need to be liked in return, to be popular with every member of the family, his friends, and those in his employment. This trait in him both dismayed and irritated Emma. It was lonely at the top. And it was generally not very wise to be overly familiar with employees. That quickly led to trouble. Loath though she was to admit it, Jim was simply not of the same calibre as Paula. Would he hold up over the years? Every marriage had its problems, its stresses, its emotional upheavals. If Jim caved in because of his lack of stamina and endurance under pressure, what would happen to that marriage? To Paula? To their children? She hated to contemplate the future in this dismal way, and instantly pushed all negative thoughts out of her mind. They did love each other very much, and perhaps their love would overcome any differences they may have.
Winston said, ‘You wanted to see me Aunt Emma?’ He sounded both nervous and concerned.
‘Yes,’ Emma said, pivoting. She walked over to a grouping of chairs, motioned Winston and Emily to join her.
They sat down opposite her, waiting.
Winston had been mystified when Emily had dragged him out of the drawing room, whispering that Emma had sent her to get him. He knew at once, from the girl’s anxious demeanour, that something was wrong. Now his worried air intensified as he puffed rapidly on his cigarette. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Emily’s face was stark above her yellow suit, its bony pallor more pronounced.
Getting right to the point, Emma said, ‘A few minutes ago I saw Shane looking at Paula in such a way that it left no doubt in my mind about his feelings for her. Emily tells me you also noticed.’
‘Yes, I did,’ Winston said, at once, realizing there was no point in denying it, or lying. He braced himself, wondering what she would say next. He studied her face which was severe and grave.
‘Shane is in love with Paula,’ Emma announced in a clipped tone.
‘Yes. And desperately so,’ Winston replied, shaking his head. He had wondered for a long time when this would come out in the open, and now that it had he decided it was wisest to be completely candid with Emma. In a way, he felt relieved that she finally knew. It had been a heavy burden for him to carry alone.
Desperately, Emma repeated under her breath. And her heart sank. Winston was underscoring her own suspicions, confirming her conclusions. She said slowly, ‘Has Shane discussed his feelings for her with you, Winston?’
‘No, Aunt Emma, he hasn’t. He’s a very private man, and discreet. But I’ve picked up a few things lately, and I’ve known about his emotional involvement with Paula for a while now … through my own observations. After all, we do share the same house at weekends. To be honest, I have a feeling Shane thinks I know, but he’s never brought the matter tip. As I said, he’s extremely discreet.’
Emma sat back, pursing her lips, her eyes more reflective than before. After a short silence, she said, ‘They’ve been as close as two peas in a pod all of their lives, Winston. How could he have let her slip through his fingers?’
‘I can only hazard a guess,’ Winston muttered, eyeing her closely. He stubbed out his cigarette, the gesture filled with sudden anger. ‘It’s because they grew up together … I mean, I don’t think he could see the wood for the trees, see what was under his nose. I’m positive Shane only realized the depth of his feelings for her when she became engaged to Jim. And they got married so quickly after their engagement was announced, Shane hardly had time to catch his breath. Or act. It all went very fast, as you know.’
Winston now lifted his shoulders in a weary shrug, and glanced away, thinking of Shane’s abject misery. It had grown more intense and acute – and more noticeable – lately. He was glad Shane was going to the States – for Shane’s own sake. He turned back to Emma, finished, ‘That’s my analysis of what happened, for what it’s worth, Aunt Emma. I truly believe that it took another man in the picture to make Shane understand how much he loved Paula.’
‘Yes, I think you’re correct, Winston,’ Emma said.
‘Do you think Paula ever knew, or knows, that he cares about her in that way?’ Emily asked Winston in a hushed voice, touching his arm lightly, looking up at him.
‘I honestly can’t answer that, Emily. But I – ’
Emma interrupted with great firmness, ‘I’m sure she didn’t and doesn’t have an inkling, dear.’ She cleared her throat, continued in that same clear strong voice, ‘This is a most tragic state of affairs for Shane, but there’s nothing anyone can do, least of all me. Not any more. Also, it’s really none of my business. Nor is it anyone else’s, for that matter. The last thing I want is for Shane or Paula to become topics for the gossip mongers in this family, and we all know there are a few who would love to tittle-tattle, perhaps blow this matter out of proportion. I have implicit faith in the both of you, and in your discretion and loyalty. However, I must ask you both to promise me faithfully that you will never mention what you saw this afternoon to anyone, ever. Is that clearly understood?’
‘Of course I promise, Grandma,’ Emily cried in a shocked voice, looking at Emma aghast. ‘You must know I would never talk about Paula, or do anything to hurt her. I feel the same way about Shane.’
‘I wasn’t doubting you, Emily. I simply felt compelled to stress the importance of your absolute silence on this matter.’ She directed her attention at Winston.
He said, ‘I promise, Aunt Emma. I care about Paula and Shane as much as Emily does. And I tend to agree with you about the gossips in our family. There’s also a lot of free-floating jealousy about Paula. Shane too, in many ways. They’re very special people, so obviously they’ll always be targets. My lips are sealed, Aunt Emma. Please don’t worry about me.’
‘Thank you,’ Emma said, and made a mental note of Winston’s astute comments. She smiled thinly. ‘I would prefer it if we ourselves never referred to this matter again. I believe it would be best forgotten by the three of us. Shane is going away for six months. Let’s hope he will forget Paula – ’
‘He’ll never let go of her!’ Winston cut in fiercely, heatedly. ‘It’s not in his nature to – ’ Angrily he clamped his mouth shut, regretting that he had opened it in the first place.
But he had said enough for Emma to get a clear picture. Yes, she thought, that’s what I’m afraid of, too. She said, as steadily as possible, ‘Perhaps he will always care for her, Winston. But he’s a young man, and virile. He has normal appetites and desires, I’ve no doubt. Let us hope that he’ll eventually find someone who’ll meet his needs, and come up to his standards, a woman who can help him to forget Paula. I sincerely hope he makes a rewarding life for himself, finds fulfilment and happiness.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ Winston muttered, changing his mind yet again. He ought to be truthful with Emma. He owed her that, after all. He threw his aunt a gloom-filled glance. And then, because he had always been able to say anything to her without a shred of embarrassment, he added, in a blunt fashion, ‘I’m sure he’ll continue to have his brief, hit-and-run affairs, his sexual entanglements. He couldn’t avoid them, not the way women throw themselves at him. Shane’s no saint, you know. And he’s hardly the type to lead a celibate life. After all, Aunt Emma, you don’t have to be in love with a woman to sleep with her.’
‘Quite,’ Emma said, lifting a brow, glancing at Emily.
Winston noticed this, but Emily was a big girl. She knew what was what. Undeterred, he plunged on, ‘I suppose you won’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway. In my opinion, Shane O’Neill will never love anyone but Paula. You said a few minutes ago that this was a tragic thing for Shane. And it is. But it’s also tragic for Paula, I think. She’d have been far better off and happier with a man like Shane than with Jim Fairley.’
Winston’s