Shadows And Light. Lindsay McKenna
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Girding herself emotionally the best she could, Susan walked slowly down the tile floor of the aisle between the beds. She gripped the clipboard to her breast more as armor against the coming attack than as the tool it was for taking notes on each patient, to be discussed later with the watch doctor. Her hands became damp with nervousness as her gaze fastened on the bed where Craig moved restlessly.
As Susan approached, she saw that he had kicked his light blue bedspread onto the floor, and his sheet was in a tangle at the end of the cot. Like all the patients, Craig wore light blue cotton pajamas.
Susan looked at him, taking in his arm thrown across his eyes, his compressed mouth, the sweat gleaming on his face, and she realized that his pajama top was unbuttoned, exposing his chest. Swallowing convulsively, she remembered placing her hand on that chest, aware of the taut muscles beneath his shirt. But that had been so long ago—a lifetime, it seemed. Still, as she slowed, the memory of Craig’s masculine power seeped back into her memory. Toward the end of their Annapolis days, her relationship with Steve hadn’t been going well, and she’d confided in Craig. Upset and uncertain, she had cried in Craig’s arms over what to do. Two days later, Craig had showed up at her apartment, roses in hand. By that time, Susan had been sure that she was going to break up with Steve, and she’d told Craig her decision. The roses had been such a touching surprise, because she’d known just how little money Craig had. On sheer impulse, she’d leaned up to give him a thank-you kiss for his concern. Only the kiss had turned unexpectedly passionate—for both of them. Shaken by the memory, Susan thought of the thread of hope that experience had given her. She’d never forgotten Craig’s latent strength, vividly recalling how his body tautened as she shyly returned his heated, hungry kiss. A sadness enveloped her now as she came around the side of his bed. They had both been so innocent.
Well, those days were behind them, Susan acknowledged, feeling tears rise in her eyes. Then, Craig had treated her as if she were some priceless, fragile object, never forgetting his manners or trying to take advantage of her. She looked down at his shadowed form, her gaze moving to his mouth, tensed against his pain, and she fought the very real desire to put her arms around him and hold him.
“Craig?” Her voice came out low and hesitant.
Instantly, Craig jerked his arm from across his eyes. His gaze narrowed. Susan! His heart slamming in his chest, he opened his mouth, then snapped it shut as fury tunneled through him. She stood uncertainly before him, her white nursing uniform flattering her slim figure. Her brown hair hung in a simple pageboy, barely grazing her collar. The shadows caressed her square features, sad eyes and parted lips. He sensed her uncertainty, and it fueled his impatience.
Wrestling with his anger, he let his voice become hard and flat. “What are you doing here?”
Stunned all over again by his fury, Susan felt her own anger flowing to the surface, but her tone was low and controlled as she said, “I’m duty nurse for the ward tonight.” She tried to ignore the accusation in his husky voice, the anger bright in his eyes. Attempting a smile to break the terrible tension, but not succeeding, she added, “You’re stuck with me, whether either of us likes it or not.”
Craig tried to make himself immune to Susan’s presence, but it was impossible. Just that small, broken smile she had tried to give him was nearly his undoing. He saw her lay her clipboard on a nearby chair. Then she picked up his sheet and smoothed it across him. The blue bedspread followed. A wild mix of emotions raged through him as he watched her study his chart at the end of the bed. Didn’t she know what she was doing to him? Automatically, his gaze moved to her long, slender hands. They were beautiful, artistic hands, Craig realized with a pang of memory, and he thought of her long-ago feather-light touch on his face, on his chest.
She was nervous. Craig saw the stain of a blush on her cheeks as she moved quietly to the other side of his bed to check the IV drip rate. When she leaned over to make sure the intravenous needle was secure in his arm, he stiffened. Instantly, she jerked her fingers away from his arm. It was then that he realized she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. His eyes narrowed to slits as she popped a thermometer into his mouth.
“I want to know how my men are,” he mumbled around it.
Susan nodded and picked up the clipboard. “Just let me get your temperature and then we’ll talk,” she said, trying for a tone of brisk authority. It was agony to look into his sweaty, strained features, those gray eyes reminding her so vividly of a hawk. Craig missed nothing; he was attuned to every nuance. Susan swallowed hard and worked to focus on his medical record, realizing that the doctor had prescribed sleeping pills as well as pain pills. Craig had refused the sleeping pill, she saw from the previous nurse’s notation. And he was well past the time when he should have been given a pain pill. She frowned. The earlier nurse had forgotten to give it to him.
Rankled, Susan said nothing as she left his bedside to return to the office’s small pharmacy, which contained certain widely used drugs. She unlocked the cabinet and removed the appropriate medication, then locked up and walked back into the ward. By the time she arrived at Craig’s bed, the three minutes were up and she took the thermometer out of his mouth.
“What is it?” Craig demanded irritably.
Susan recorded the temperature and shook the thermometer down with several flicks of her wrist. “One hundred point two.”
“Infection,” he growled. Then he shot her a glance. “I’m taking enough antibiotics to kill a horse. By morning, I’ll be normal.”
Susan grimly held out her hand. “Here’s your pain med.”
Craig looked at her opened hand. “At least you make your rounds.”
He picked up two of the four tablets and popped them into his mouth, then took a large gulp of water and set the glass back on the bedside table.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Susan challenged.
Glaring, Craig held her insolent stare. “It means that the other duty nurse didn’t make her last round. Not everyone is as capable as you, Lieutenant Evans.”
Stunned, Susan tried to gather her composure. “Don’t you want the sleeping pills?”
He continued to glare at her. “Why the hell would I? I just got out of Recovery. I’m drugged enough as it is.”
Susan slipped the pills into the pocket of her uniform. “I’m sorry the other nurse forgot to give you the pain med.”
It hurt just to speak with Susan, Craig thought. It hurt to feel her this close to him. His emotions were frayed, and the pain had made him snappish. “Look,” he said in a harsh whisper, “just do me one favor and then leave me the hell alone. Find out how my men, Hayes and Shelton, are doing, will you? It’s the only thing I’ll ever ask of you, Susan.” He was breathing hard, each breath fiery and filled with anguish.
Susan found she couldn’t protect herself from Craig’s anger. It was obvious that he was angry with her. Tucking her lower lip between her teeth to stop from snarling back at him, she held her tongue. Craig was suffering badly. The past, she realized, wasn’t buried between them as she’d thought. No, it was alive and haunting both of them. “I’ll find out,” she promised quietly, and left his side.
Craig lay back, shutting his eyes and trying to control his chaotic breathing. He’d seen how his anger had struck Susan, as surely as if he’d hit her. Hurting physically and emotionally, he castigated himself. Sometime later, he felt Susan’s presence again and barely opened his eyes to see her quietly making her rounds through the ward. Most of the men were drugged into sleep. A few, like him, had refused the pills and were either awake or sleeping fitfully. Craig’s mouth lifted in a tortured grimace.
He tried to ignore Susan’s serene presence, but it was impossible. He hungered to see her, to watch her, to absorb her soft, smiling face into his deeply suffering heart. She ministered to those men who were awake, reaching out like a mother to touch their hair or place her hand on their shoulders. Susan knew the value of touch; she always had. Craig remembered the way she would touch