Dead Edge: the gripping political thriller for fans of Lee Child. Jack Ford
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of reinforcement, and all held together by substandard bolts which quickly came loose, eventually piercing into the heart of the tank, causing it to erupt into flames.
On his return from the DRC, Maddie and Beau had insisted on him going back to see his shrink at the VA Medical Center. But he struggled. Struggled not to feel ashamed. Yes, he’d served and fought for his country, he’d been proud to do so, but his problems weren’t directly linked with combat, nor what he’d seen during his time as a Navy SEAL. His problems were linked to a woman. A woman he’d loved. His childhood sweetheart who he hadn’t been able to keep safe. But the shrink at the Veterans’ Affairs Center liked to bandy the letters PTSD around. And at that point, he always took his exit. Because how could he sit next to his military brothers, whose problems were a direct result of war, and hold his head up high when it hadn’t been a battle which had caused his torment?
Okay, the accident eight years ago had been in part caused by the approach and attack of their yacht by Somalian pirates, but that certainly wasn’t a reason to go to the VA Medical Center, cryin’ and hollerin’, no matter what the psychiatrists liked to try to tell him.
This was his doing. Period. And he had to deal with it. Consequently, instead of feeling like he was discrediting what it meant to be a veteran, a hero, he’d found a private shrink… Quite a few, actually. And so when things got really bad and he couldn’t sleep and the nightmares came and he just felt like he was on the edge and he wanted to end it all but didn’t know how, well then, they’d be there waiting. The quacks. With their prescription pads, giving him anything he needed. Anything. At a price… A heavier price than he ever realized.
Cooper sighed as he opened the bottle of pills. Shook two out. His body was still in pain from the Taser. Shook another one out. Just to be on the safe side.
In the distance he saw Maddie, who also worked at Onyx as a recovery operative. He hadn’t seen or spoken to her since she’d dropped him off at his ranch back in Colorado a couple of days ago. And if he was honest, he would be happy to leave seeing her for another couple of days. It’d been fine working together when they were still in a marriage. Well as fine as it ever could be.
He knew he needed to be man enough to work with her without a problem. After all, she was great at what she did.
He held her in the upmost respect.
He admired her.
He trusted her.
He valued her opinion…
But Goddamn, he didn’t know a man alive who wouldn’t want to run for the hills if they had to work with their estranged wife.
His job was his life and his life was job, so he couldn’t quit. Not that he didn’t think about it. A lot… Every day. And he couldn’t exactly ask Maddie to quit. Ultimately he knew it wasn’t really about her. And besides, it’d actually been Maddie who’d got him to come on board and get his investigator’s license to join the small but successful firm.
Maddie had worked at Onyx for just over seven years, since her commission in the Navy had ended, having heard of them and their reputation, and knowing it was a place her specialized skills could come into play. Though she hadn’t been the only one to hear of it. Cooper had heard of Onyx long before he’d known Maddie, and he’d known her for years – since the first day of Aviation Officer Candidate School, at the beginning of his military career, when they’d become good friends.
His knowledge of Onyx came from the fact it was run by Dax Granger… Ellie’s father. His almost-father-in-law. If he’d only got round to asking her. And he had been planning to. When his tour of duty in Kenya came to an end. But then… Then the accident had happened, and everything became too late.
Working with Dax was difficult. And it had never gotten any easier. If anything, as the years went by, it’d gotten worse.
At first Dax had been too busy in his own grief to bother with Cooper, but as the fog had lifted, Dax’s anger towards him arrived. The blame. The culpability. The pain. It had all been sent his way. And there was nothing Cooper could do about it… Because he was to blame. So he had to accept it. Accept that son-of-a-bitch guilt like it was ten men beating up on him in a bar. Because it hurt. Crippled him. Weighed so heavy at times he thought he couldn’t breathe.
He’d often wondered, why Onyx? Why not get a job somewhere else? Maybe having to see Dax was part of some kind of penance. A painful reminder of what he’d done. Or perhaps being around Dax Granger was what he needed, because when he saw him, he could see Ellie.
And if he did leave, where the hell would he go? He’d drifted before. And it hadn’t ended up pretty.
So he’d taken any assignments which came through in recovering assets from Africa. And that had just been perfect for him. Because it gave him the ability to travel, the reason and permission to go and search; but then he’d got lost in himself, believing Ellie was somewhere out there in Africa. Never once accepting she’d drowned that day.
Sometimes, he’d extended his stays up to a couple of months at a time. Just drifting. Just looking. It hadn’t mattered where. Who cares where? It’d just made him feel better and everyone else feel worse.
From Kenya to the Congo to Chad to the Sudan. Getting stuck in hell holes. Getting stuck in jails… Getting stuck in drugs. And each time it was Maddie, his beautiful, loving, undeserving Maddie, and his friend, Levi Walker, who’d come and gotten him out.
And somehow, and somewhere along the line, he’d got together with Maddie. Details hazy. Timeline hazier. But she’d been good to him. Always. That he did remember. That he would never forget. Then like an entry out of a hillbilly’s diary, she’d gotten pregnant and when he was wired enough, he’d proposed in a drug-induced rush of emotion whilst sitting waiting to see his therapist. For that he was ashamed. She deserved so much better.
He couldn’t even remember their wedding day. Only photos proved they had.
But even after they’d got married he’d carried on searching for Ellie, and Maddie had carried on begging him not to, and it was only after their daughter, Cora, was born did he come to a full stop. Resigned himself to the fact it was over. So he tried to clean himself up. And he tried real hard. Tried to be a good Daddy. Tried to be a loving husband. Tried to forget the past.
But then, last year, after seven long years, Ellie’s death certificate had come through. Officially confirming her passing. And it’d sent him spiraling. Spiraling towards Africa. Towards the nightmares. Towards the pills. And towards the edge he was about to fall off. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to find his way back.
He thought the love for his daughter would stop it. Act like a clasp. Fastening him to where he had to be. But it hadn’t. Didn’t. Because he couldn’t feel it anymore. Not himself. Not the people around him. And although he knew it was crazy the only thing he felt was Ellie, and the need. The need for her to still be alive so he could wash away his guilt, because if he could do that, if he could somehow know he hadn’t killed her, then he might be able to find his way back. To feel again. To feel life again. Knowing he had the permission to live and love again.
‘Hey, Coop, what’s happening?’
Cooper’s thoughts came to an abrupt halt, screeching to a stop like a car in a pit stop. He waved at Levi Walker, watching him pat down his neatly cornrowed afro.
Like Maddie, he’d known Levi since his military days. And like Maddie, he could trust Levi with his life.
‘What you doing hiding your sorry butt out here? Granger’s got a job for you. If you want it. But he’s on the warpath.’
Cooper smiled, happy to see Levi. ‘Hell, when isn’t that man complaining about something?’
‘Yeah, but that something always seems to be you. Don’t know how you do it, Coop.’
Not wanting to think about Granger anymore, Cooper changed the subject. ‘How’s Mrs Walker, by the way?’
Levi