Grasping Destiny

      ‘I slept and dreamt that life was Joy,

      I woke and found that life was Duty.

      I acted, and behold,

      Duty was Joy.’

       Rabindranath Tagore

      ‘I bend but do not break.’

       Jean de la Fontaine

      ‘Work is more fun than fun.’

       Noël Coward

      ONE

      ‘She’s dead!’

      Cecil Williams made this announcement from the entrance to the dining room at Ravenscar, then, closing the door behind him, he walked across to the table in a few quick strides.

      Against her will, Elizabeth Turner jumped up. ‘When?’ she asked in a voice full of sudden tension, her eyes on his face.

      ‘This morning, very early. Just before dawn, to be exact.’

      There was a silence.

      Elizabeth took tight control of a sudden rush of emotion; even though this news had been long expected, deep down she had not believed she would ever hear those words. She took a moment to absorb them, then said, ‘There’s nothing much to say, is there, Cecil? Nothing at all, actually, and anyway, what would be the point? I’m not a hypocrite, I’m not going to pretend I mourn her death.’

      ‘Nor am I. I understand your feelings perfectly, Elizabeth.’ He put an arm around her shoulder, kissed her cheek, and looked deeply into her luminous dark eyes. They were glistening with tears, and he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that the tears were not for the deceased woman. They were, in fact, tears of genuine relief.

      ‘It’s over, Elizabeth,’ he said, very softly. ‘Finally. Your torment is at an end, and you’re safe, secure. No one can tell you what to do, not ever again. You’re your own woman, in control of your own destiny.’

      The tense expression on her pale face instantly lifted, and she exclaimed, ‘Yes, I am free. Free at last! Oh, Cecil, how wonderful that thought is! Yet, do you know, I can hardly grasp it.’ A quavery smile flickered around her mouth and was immediately gone, as if she was not quite convinced of her new status.

      He smiled at her. ‘I believe it’s going to take a few days to sink in.’

      She looked at him intently, her eyes narrowing slightly. He knew her well, truly understood her, and he was correct, it would take a few days for her to truly believe that everything had changed. She took a moment to steady herself, before saying, ‘I’m being rude, Cecil. Let me get you some breakfast, you must be famished. Lucas has brought in enough food to feed an army, so what do you fancy?’

      ‘I am hungry, I must admit. But I’ll help myself. Go and sit down, drink your coffee and relax. You have every reason to do so today of all days.’

      Elizabeth did as he suggested, glad to sit down in the comfortable chair. She was shaking inside and her legs felt weak and unsteady. As she settled back, trying to relax, she experienced instead an unexpected sense of dread. The future loomed up in front of her; it was an unknown future. Overwhelming. A wave of nausea swept over her at the prospect of moving on, leaving her old life behind, grasping her destiny with both hands. All those years of sleepless nights, early risings, often before dawn. Constantly worrying, always fearful, numb with anxiety, forever apprehensive. About her sister. Never knowing … never knowing what tricks Mary would pull, what accusations the woman would level at her. She had been living on the edge … on the edge of danger, living on her nerves for as long as she could remember. Mary had tormented her since childhood.

      A moment