Ethan. Diana Palmer
Читать онлайн книгу.
don’t have the right to interfere in my life, Ethan,” she said, staring back at him. “You gave that up years ago.”
The muscles in his face contracted, although his gaze didn’t waver. “I know better than you do what I gave up.” He stared her down and drank some more coffee. “Mother and Mary are fixing up the guest room for you,” he told her. “Matt’s off at a sale in Montana, so Mary will be glad of the company.”
“Doesn’t your mother mind having me landed on her?”
“My mother loves you,” he said. “She always has, and you’ve always known it, so there’s no need to pretend.”
“Your mother is a nice person.”
“And I’m not?” He studied her face. “I’ve never tried to win any popularity contests, if that’s what you mean.”
She shifted against the pillows. “You’re very touchy these days, Ethan. I wasn’t looking for ways to insult you. I’m very grateful for what you’ve done.”
He finished his coffee. His gray eyes met hers and for an instant, they were held against their will. He averted his gaze instantly. “I don’t want gratitude from you.”
That was the truth; not gratitude or anything else—least of all love.
She let her eyes fall to her hand in its cast. “Did you call the hospital at Dallas to ask about my father?”
“I phoned your uncle early this morning. The eye specialist is supposed to see your father today; they’re more optimistic than they were last night.”
“Did he ask about me?”
“Of course he asked about you,” Ethan replied. “He was told about your hand.”
She stiffened. “And?”
“He didn’t say another word, according to your uncle.” Ethan smiled without humor. “Well, what did you expect? Yours hands are his livelihood. He’s just seen a future that’s going to require him to work for a living again. I expect he’s drowning in self-pity.”
“Shame on you,” she snapped.
He stared at her, unblinking. “I know your father. You do, too, despite the fact that you’ve spent your life protecting him. You might try living your own way for a change.”
“I’m content with my life,” she muttered.
His pale eyes caught and held hers, and he was very still. The room was so quiet that they could hear the sound of cars outside the hospital, in the nearby streets of Jacobsville.
“Do you remember what you asked me when they brought you in?”
She shook her head. “No. I was hurting pretty badly just then,” she lied, averting her eyes.
“You asked if I remembered the swimming hole.”
Her cheeks went hot. She pleated the material of the hospital gown they’d put her in, grimacing. “I can’t imagine why I’d ask such a question. That’s ancient history.”
“Four years isn’t ancient history. And to answer the question belatedly, yes, I remember. I wish I could forget.”
Well, that was plain enough, wasn’t it, she thought, hurt. She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. She could imagine the mockery in his eyes. “Why can’t you?” she asked, trying to sound as unconcerned as he did. “After all, you told me yourself that I’d asked for it, that you’d been thinking about Miriam.”
“Damn Miriam!” He got up, upsetting the coffee cup in the process, splattering a few drops of scalding coffee onto his hand. He ignored the sting, turning away to stare out the window at Jacobsville, his body rigid. He lifted the cup to his lips and sipped the hot liquid again to steady himself. Even the mention of his ex-wife made him tense, wounded him. Arabella had no idea of the hell Miriam had made of his life, or why he’d let her trap him into marriage. It was four years too late for explanations or apologies. His memories of the day he’d made love to Arabella were permanent, unchanged, a part of him, but he couldn’t even tell her that. He was so locked up inside that he’d almost forgotten how to feel, until Arabella’s father had telephoned him to tell him that Arabella had been injured. Even now, he could taste the sick fear he’d felt, face all over again the possibility that she might have died. The world had gone black until he’d gotten to the hospital and found her relatively unhurt.
“Do you hear from Miriam anymore?” she asked.
He didn’t turn around. “I hadn’t since the divorce was final, until last week.” He finished the coffee and laughed coldly. “She wants to talk about a reconciliation.”
Arabella felt her heart sink. So much for faint hope, she thought. “Do you want her back?”
Ethan came back to the bedside, and his eyes were blazing with anger. “No, I don’t want her back,” he said. He stared down at her icily. “It took me years to talk her into a divorce. Do you really think I have any plans to put my neck in that noose again?” he asked.
“I don’t know you, Ethan,” she replied quietly. “I don’t think I ever did, really. But you loved Miriam once,” she added with downcast eyes. “It’s not inconceivable that you could miss her, or want her back.”
He didn’t answer her. He turned and dropped back down into the armchair by the bed, crossing his legs. Absently he played with the empty coffee cup. Loved Miriam? He’d wanted her. But love? No. He wished he could tell Arabella that, but he’d become too adept at keeping his deepest feelings hidden.
He put the cup down on the floor beside his chair. “A cracked mirror is better replaced than mended,” he said, lifting his eyes back to Arabella’s. “I don’t want a reconciliation. So, that being the case,” he continued, improvising as he began to see a way out of his approaching predicament, “we might be able to help each other.”
Arabella’s heart jumped. “What?”
He stared at her, his eyes probing, assessing. “Your father raised you in an emotional prison. You never tried to break out. Well, here’s your chance.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That’s obvious. You used to be better at reading between the lines.” He took a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and dangled it from his fingers. “Don’t worry, I won’t light it,” he added when he saw the look she gave him. “I need something to do with my hands. What I meant was that you and I can pretend to be involved.”
She couldn’t prevent the astonished fear from distorting her features. He’d pushed her out of his life once, and now he had the audacity to want her to pretend to be involved with him? It was cruel.
“I thought you’d be bothered by the suggestion,” he said after a minute of watching her expression. “But think about it. Miriam won’t be here for another week or two. There’s time to map out some strategy.”
“Why can’t you just tell her not to come?” she faltered.
He studied his boot. “I could, but it wouldn’t solve the problem. She’d be dancing in and out of my life from now on. The best way, the only way,” he corrected, “is to give her a good reason to stay away. You’re the best one I can think of.”
“Miriam would laugh herself sick if anyone told her you were involved with me,” she said shortly. “I was only eighteen when you married her. She didn’t consider me any kind of competition then, and she was right. I wasn’t, and I’m not.” She lifted her chin with mangled pride. “I’m talented, but I’m not pretty. She’ll never believe you see anything interesting about me.”
He had to control his expression not to betray the sting of those words. It hurt him to hear Arabella talk so cynically. He didn’t like remembering how badly he’d had to hurt her. At the time, it didn’t