The Sunflower Forest. Torey Hayden
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silence. Then she turned and looked at me but came no closer.
‘What are you doing up?’ I whispered.
‘I heard you come in.’
We stared at one another across the expanse of the room. It was almost too dark to distinguish her when I let the curtain drop back down.
‘Why aren’t you in bed?’ she asked.
‘Why aren’t you?’
Again, no words. Megan reached up and pushed back her hair.
‘Is something the matter?’ I asked. ‘Why are you awake?’
She continued to try and keep her hair back from her face.
‘Come over here,’ I said.
She came, hesitantly, stopping just before she was within my reach.
‘Did you have a bad dream or something?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I wet the bed.’
‘Oh. Oh well, Meggie, don’t worry about it. Do you want some help getting it changed?’
‘No. I did it already.’ She scratched her nose. Her long hair was wild about her, like a secondary garment. She looked up again. ‘No, I was just sitting there and I heard you come in.’
‘Well, you better get back to bed then. It’s really late.’
A pause. ‘Can I sleep with you?’
‘Are you having bad dreams or something?’
She shrugged. ‘No, I’m just sort of lonely.’
‘It’s like the old days,’ Megan whispered after we had gotten into bed. She had the quilt right up to her nose and it muffled her words.
I had my eyes closed.
‘Remember how I used to come in and sleep with you when I was little? When we lived in Yakima. Remember that, Lessie? I came in all the time.’
‘No lie.’
‘It was because of those dreams. Those nightmares I got. Remember them? And I’d wake everybody up? Remember?’
‘Yes, I certainly do.’
Megan shifted. We didn’t fit together in my single bed like we used to. I had almost outgrown it myself. And Megan was no longer tiny. I lay with my cheek resting against the top of her head.
‘Did I ever tell you what I believed then?’ she asked.
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Well, you know how Mama was in the war? And she couldn’t go home to her family?’
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘Well, when I was little and in the school in Yakima, I thought maybe they were going to do that to me. That teacher, remember, she used to always keep me after school. Mrs Hoolihan. Because I kept doing those worksheets wrong. And I thought it was going to be like it was with Mama. That pretty soon she wasn’t going to let me go home at all.’
‘That would never have happened, you know,’ I said. ‘You should have told somebody you felt like that, because we could have told you. It wouldn’t really happen.’
‘But it happened to Mama, Lessie. And it was when she was at school. She told us that. She was there and she couldn’t go home.’
‘Yes, but that was different. There was a war on. And she was at the university, not in grade school. Besides, that was in Germany a long time ago. Not America. It wouldn’t happen here.’
‘Well, yes, I know that. I’m telling you what I believed then. Remember, I was just little.’
‘Yes.’
‘And I mean, you can understand it. They did keep Mama there and not let her go home. So I thought they might do that to me too. Especially when Mrs Hoolihan made me stay after school and wouldn’t let me leave until I did those papers right. It really wasn’t such a stupid notion.’
I put my arms around Megan.
‘It was you guys I was scared about most,’ she said. ‘That they’d keep me there and I’d never see you or Mama or Daddy again. That’s what happened to Mama, and I think I’d just die if the same thing happened to me. I would. Even now. So, I kept dreaming about it. Over and over and over.’
‘Was that tonight too?’ I asked.
‘No. I just wet the bed, that’s all. Then I got up and changed the sheets and I was just sitting around. It made me feel lonesome.’
Silence settled over us. It was horribly late.
‘Did you have a nice time?’ Megan asked.
‘You mean tonight? Yeah, I did.’
‘Is he OK?’
‘Yes, he’s OK.’
‘Did he kiss you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Did you like it?’
‘You know, Megs, it kind of wrecks a thing like this when you have to come home and discuss it with your little sister.’
Megan shifted. ‘I don’t see why.’
The darkness closed in around us, and Megan grew so quiet that I assumed she had fallen asleep finally. I was very sleepy myself. Closing my eyes, I dozed.
‘Les?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘I’m getting awfully tired, Meggie. I want to go to sleep.’
‘But can I ask you something first? Before you go to sleep?’
‘You will anyway.’
‘Well, you know about the war?’
‘Mmm-hmm.’
‘Well, we’re studying about it at school. And you know, my teacher was telling us about some of the things the Nazis did to people. To the Jews, you know? She had some pictures. They were in a book.’
‘Mmm.’
‘Have you ever seen those pictures, Lessie?’
‘What book is it?’
‘Well, I can’t remember its name. But have you ever seen pictures like that? Of what they did to the Jews?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I have.’
Megan was silent. I was wide awake again.
‘Is it true? Did they really, really do things like that to people?’
‘I guess they did.’
‘Mama never makes the war sound very bad. She makes it sound like, well …I don’t know. You hear her stories. Like about Jadwiga. About how silly she was and stuff.’
Again silence.
‘Well …’ and then she stopped. I could feel her breath against my arm as she exhaled. ‘Well, Les, do you think they ever did things like that to Mama, things like in those pictures?’
‘Is that what’s bothering you? Are you worried about that?’
‘But did they, Lesley?’
‘Megs, Mama wasn’t a Jew, was she? Those were Jews in those pictures.’
‘But how come she never went home when the war started?’
‘I don’t know. She was working or something. I don’t know. But it was different than with the Jews, Meggie. I know that for certain. They liked Mama. See, they thought Mama was really beautiful. Because she