The Swallow's Nest. Emilie Richards
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is this news to me?”
“Why would either Carrick or Graham talk about it? If it’s true, they were manipulated into becoming friends. But whether or not it is, Da was happy teaching and working on a book nobody will ever read, so he refused all offers. But he does give Douglas financial advice from time to time. Which means if any of this is true, his plan paid off. At least a little.”
“I remember the first time I met Carrick. I think he was fourteen. I liked him right away.”
“Did you have a crush on either of them?”
Lilia crossed her arms under her head and tried to remember how all this had started. “I was surrounded by boys at home, so they held no mystery. Graham and Carrick were nicer than my brothers, and I just liked being with them. They came from a different world, too. Of course as the years passed, things changed a little.”
“How so?”
She wasn’t sure how to phrase the difference. “We all became more aware of each other. They began to compete for my attention, and I liked it. The two were so different, but they were both attractive and fun to be with. Carrick is open and easy. Graham is more closed off. I’m sure every time he tried to open up, a door was slammed in his face by one parent or the other.” She realized she sounded sympathetic, and that annoyed her.
“What happened on the beach?”
All these years later the scene was absolutely clear, because all of them had been so humiliated. “I was fifteen, and it was summer. I think both Ellen and Douglas finally realized I might be more than unpaid help, because my invitations to visit dropped off.”
“You were probably a knockout. How could they not notice?”
“One afternoon Graham called to say he and Carrick were at the house for a week and asked if I wanted to go swimming. My mother was going to a neighboring estate to oversee the installation of outdoor lights, so she gave me a ride. When I got there I found out that Graham’s parents were in town having lunch with business associates.”
“Maybe that’s why they called you.”
“I’m sure. Graham wanted to hike down here to swim. In those days the path was even more challenging, and two years before he’d tried it after a heavy rain and broken his wrist. Ellen had strictly forbidden him from coming here, but that day he said it was ridiculous to live so close to a beach he couldn’t use. He was determined to come down again with or without us.”
“Sixteen and finally ready to challenge authority, huh?”
“I suppose. I didn’t want him going alone, but it was clear he planned to, unless we went along. Once Graham makes up his mind, there’s no stopping him. Witness the fact that he decided to have a baby without his wife.”
“Is it hard to talk about him? You could just leave me hanging.”
Lilia grunted. “I showed them the best way down. The water was a lot calmer that day than it is now. We bodysurfed and watched for dolphins and whales. Then we walked this way to see the falls before going back. Graham wanted to make sure he was home before his parents got there.”
Regan sat up and slapped more sunscreen on her legs. “It’s strange to be right here while you tell this story.”
“When he asked what we would see farther east I told him the truth.”
“Which is?”
“Farther that way,” she pointed, “people like to take off their clothes to sunbathe. The far edges on both ends are known as nude beaches.”
“Whoa. Sixteen-year-old boys. Nude beach.”
“Uh-huh. I might as well have tossed a lighted match into a gallon of kerosene. I was embarrassed, but I was persuaded to walk with them because they were going to go anyway, and I wanted to be sure they knew how to get back up the path. I told them we would look from a distance, and that’s as much as we would do because it was getting too late to go farther. Some couples were sunbathing, but without binoculars that was all we could see. Even so the possibilities made me uneasy.”
“I can see why.”
“I was with two guys whose place in my life had quietly reconfigured. I was confused about my feelings, and thrilled when they agreed to turn around and start back. That’s when we saw a man stalking toward us. Of course it was Douglas. I hung back with Carrick, and Graham went ahead to meet his father.”
Regan lay down on her side and propped her head to look at Lilia. “I can imagine this.”
“Douglas has a way of diminishing anybody who disagrees with him, but you know that. Graham took the abuse, but when his father accused me of putting him up to this, Graham told him he was wrong. Douglas didn’t listen and called me a number of names I have managed to forget.”
“I’m sorry he put you through that.”
“When I arrived back at their house my mother was already there. Ellen was furious, most likely because Douglas was. She told Mama I would no longer be welcome, and my mother told her to find someone else to manage the estate. By then Graham had taken off in one of the family cars, and Carrick had gone along, probably to calm him down. Not only was I totally humiliated, I lost two friends I thought I would never see again.”
“They didn’t find a way to see you before they left?”
“No, that was the last time for years. They left the next day. Carrick emailed to say he was sorry things had gone the way they had. Graham never did, and he didn’t answer my email. But I wasn’t surprised. I knew that, of all of us, he was the most embarrassed by everything that had happened.”
“Did you and Carrick stay in touch?”
Lilia considered her answer. “I think Carrick knew that Graham had a thing for me, even then. His first loyalty was to him.”
“I don’t think that’s true anymore.”
Telling the story to Regan had taken some of the sting out of it. Still she didn’t want to talk about herself anymore. She turned on her side to view her friend. “Now it’s your turn.”
Regan bit her lip and didn’t speak for a moment. When she did her voice was low. “This is harder than I expected. Even after you just gave such a great lead-in about how painful it is to lose people you care about.”
“Are you about to lecture me?”
Regan waved her to silence. “Oh, please, not even vaguely. It’s just I’m something of an emotional coward.”
“You’re somebody who will fly all the way to Kauai during tax season just to support a friend.”
“I came for more than that.”
“Why don’t you tell me then?”
Instead Regan crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the sky. “I love my family, but we never really talk about feelings, so I never learned how. Actually we never talk about ourselves. It’s that Irish Catholic thing. Don’t get a swelled head. Put yourself down, so nobody else has to.”
Lilia knew Carrick better than she knew his sister. Regan had grown up on the East Coast and gone to college and graduate school there. They hadn’t become good friends until she had come West to take a position in a Silicon Valley accounting firm. Now she realized that Regan was right. Because whatever Carrick was feeling, he rarely shared it, and Regan was much the same.
“Are you saying you have something you want to say, and you don’t know how?” She paused but Regan didn’t answer. “Don’t tell me you were having an affair with Graham, too?”
Regan whacked her on the arm. “You’d better be kidding.”
The mood had changed, which is what Lilia had intended. “So spill.”
“I’ve never told you about Devin.”
Regan