Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Chapter Ten: A Positive Sign?

       Chapter Eleven: No Progress

       Chapter Twelve: Not My Father

       Chapter Thirteen: End It All

       Chapter Fourteen: Turning Point?

       Chapter Fifteen: Doing the Right Thing

       Chapter Sixteen: Failed to Protect Her

       Chapter Seventeen: Remorse, Guilt and Regret

       Moving Memoirs eNewsletter

       About the Publisher

Chapter Ten

       A Positive Sign?

      Joss had a detention after school that Tuesday, so she didn’t return home until 5.30 p.m.

      ‘You know what happened, so don’t ask!’ she thundered as she came in. ‘Miss said she’d phoned you.’

      ‘She did phone,’ I said.

      I closed the front door as Joss kicked off her shoes. She was clearly angry, so there was no point in trying to talk to her now. She marched upstairs to her room and I went into the kitchen to continue making dinner. A few minutes later she came down again, holding her school bag, which she plonked unceremoniously on the dining table. ‘I suppose I’ll have to do my effing homework before I go out.’

      I turned to look at her. ‘You won’t be going out tonight, love,’ I said. ‘Not after the way you behaved at school today.’

      ‘But that’s not fair! I’m allowed out on a Tuesday. I’m not doing my homework, then. You can stuff it!’

      Here we go again, I thought. Grabbing her bag, she stormed back upstairs. I heard her bedroom door slam and then her moving nosily around in her room, which was directly above the kitchen.

      How much easier it would be, I thought, in the short term at least, if I let Joss do as she wanted instead of trying to put in place guidelines for good and safe behaviour. Here I was, at the start of yet another evening, tense and anxious, with my stomach tied in a knot. But letting Joss continue unchecked would do her no good and would have been irresponsible of me as a parent and carer. Someone needed to make Joss understand that there would be consequences if she kept behaving as she was, and who else was there to do that but me? Her mother and stepfather had tried and failed, so had an aunt and two previous foster carers, and it looked as though I was going the same way. I knew Joss and I were heading for a showdown – her will against mine – but it was essential she learnt to behave in a safe and acceptable manner.

      Joss stayed in her room for the next fifteen minutes, until six o’clock when I called everyone to dinner. She came immediately and was no longer angry or even sulking; she took her seat at the table and spoke pleasantly to Lucy and Paula – Adrian wasn’t home yet. Naïvely I assumed that, alone in her room, she’d had time to reflect on her behaviour, had realized she was in the wrong and now accepted she wasn’t going out. She ate her main course, didn’t want any pudding, but remained seated at the table until we’d all finished. Then we took our dishes through to the kitchen and Joss returned upstairs to her room. I’d go up shortly and encourage her to come down, as I didn’t want her sitting alone all evening. However, a minute later, while I was clearing up, I heard her bedroom door open and then her footsteps on the stairs. I was expecting her to go into the front room where Paula and Lucy were, or possibly to come and find me, but a few moments later I heard the front door open and then close. I went straight into the hall to find it empty.

      ‘She’s gone out,’ Lucy called from the front room.

      ‘I don’t believe it! She wasn’t allowed out tonight. I’m going after her.’ I quickly pushed my feet into my sandals and opened the front door.

      ‘Be careful,’ Paula said, appearing in the hall.

      ‘Don’t worry, I won’t be long.’

      I went out, down the front path and onto the pavement just in time to see Joss disappearing around the bend further up the road. I assumed she was heading for the bus stop on the high road, in which case I’d need to reach her before she got on the bus. It