Only a Mother Knows. Annie Groves
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at humour but it didn’t work.
‘Forthwith?’ Tilly asked, bemused, but his answer came all too swiftly, and a chill sliced right through her.
‘It means I have to go away tonight.’ Drew’s voice dropped to a whisper as he gazed into her tearful blue eyes. ‘Now. Immediately. I have to catch the flight my father has arranged tonight …’ His smile slipped a little and she could see tears brimming in his eyes.
‘You mean you can get a flight to the States at such short notice, even though you’re not in the Forces?’
‘If there are seats available you can be sure my father will wangle one,’ Drew said.
‘Why do you have to go, Drew?’ Tilly’s voice was barely a whisper as she asked the question. His mother was ill, he was telling her. He would be back some time soon. Some time, soon? She couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing him every day.
‘I knew I would have to go back someday, you knew that, tell me you did, Tilly.’ Drew searched her face as if imprinting her beauty on his memory forever. ‘I tried to leave you with the letter but I couldn’t. I had to see you one more time …’ He tried to keep the obvious misery from his voice but eventually he accepted defeat as his shoulders slumped and all his jovial bravado disappeared. ‘Tilly, I gotta say …’ There was a strange look in his eyes, like he was trying to read her, ‘today was swell, I never wanted it to end …’
‘I’ll never see you again!’ Tilly gasped the words that suddenly struck her, forcing them from her lips. She wanted to get away from this, be anywhere except listening to her one true love tell her he was going tonight. This isn’t right, she thought frantically, first she lost her father then her grandparents – now Drew was leaving her, too. She’d never get over it, she wouldn’t! Tilly could see his beautiful lips moving and forced herself to concentrate.
‘I won’t be gone forever, Tilly, you know that, don’t you?’ Drew gently took her in his strong arms. But Tilly didn’t know any such thing. His plane could be shot down in the middle of the Atlantic. His father might not allow him to come back. Anything could happen.
‘You’re too beautiful to stay away from, my darling, you make my every day complete …’
‘I don’t know what I’ll do without you.’ Tilly blinked her tears away but more came.
‘My mother is very ill.’ He looked down at her for a long time as if trying to choose the right words. But there were none. Drew took a long, deep breath, whilst Tilly tried to swallow the restriction in her throat that had suddenly threatened to choke her.
‘Do you remember when I told you that I may have to go back to the States someday?’ Tilly nodded like a child who needed to be reassured and he continued, ‘I prayed every night that they could find a cure for Mom, and for a while that seemed to be the case.’ Tears were running freely down his handsome face now. ‘I longed to stay with you in this wonderful, devastated place where there is so much love, and a kind of freedom I never had before …’
‘Oh, Drew,’ Tilly whispered, unable to say any more when he gently placed the tip of his finger on her lips.
‘I dreamed we would set up home together. I planned to build us a house when this war is over … our children go to decent schools, be happy and free. I dreamed that one day we would have the perfect life, oh, honey, please don’t cry any more, I can’t bear it …’ Drew gently outlined her face, his touch almost imperceptible, before kissing her tears away. ‘I will come back to you as soon as I can, I promise.’
Tilly had to believe his words or how else could she let him go? They had both known he would have to go home someday. But it would always be too soon.
‘I will come for you, believe me.’ The forced smile on his lips did not reach his eyes and Tilly could not control her agony any longer. Her body gave way to deep, shuddering, convulsive sobs and he held her for a long time, until she was exhausted.
‘Oh, Drew,’ Tilly said eventually, calmer now, remembering the unopened letter still in her hands. ‘Were you really going to leave me without saying goodbye?’
‘I couldn’t – I know that now.’ His words, low, threaded through her hair.
‘You promised that you would take care of me,’ Tilly said, her head on his chest, longing to behave with dignity, since she didn’t want him to remember her with red, swollen eyes and a blotchy face, but it was useless, she couldn’t control this desperate emotion that was seizing her and in the end she didn’t care that she was making a fool of herself.
Drew held her for a long time, silently stroking her hair. Then gently he held her at arm’s length and said in a calm, quiet voice, ‘My darling Tilly …’ Tears filled his own eyes. ‘Please don’t send our ring back to me.’ His voice ebbed and, unable to speak now, Drew bent and tenderly kissed her wet cheek.
Tilly gazed up at him, her arms circling his neck, and through a mist of tears she too was unable to voice her loving, if selfish, thoughts, knowing he had to go. He had no choice. She had a powerful, unbreakable bond with her mother and Tilly knew how devastated she would feel if anything should ever happen to her. How could she deny the man she loved his need to see his own mother, perhaps for the last time? She must let Drew go with the knowledge she would be here waiting for him when he got back. Because, for her to get through this, she had to believe he was coming back. He would come back. She knew he would.
‘I love you, Tilly Robbins.’ Drew’s voice was gravelled with emotion. ‘I will write to you every day. You know that, don’t you?’ He had a desperate need to be reassured. With scalding tears streaming down her cheeks Tilly nodded, her voice refusing to articulate this love she would feel until her dying day.
‘I’ll leave you with a kiss to build a dream on until we can be together again,’ he said before kissing her with a fevered power that took Tilly’s breath away. Then, reluctantly, he walked away. His back was stiff, his head held high as he made his way to the waiting cab.
Tilly watched as its door clunked shut and she waited, desperate for him to turn and wave out of the back window. He didn’t. She waited, and waited, until long after the reverberations of the taxi’s engine could no longer be heard and the chill of the night air caught at her throat. She felt weak with grief, and the eerie silence that had wrapped itself around her was broken now only by her devastated sobs as the vibrant colour of her world disappeared, making everything grey, drab and miserable.
Her mother’s protective arm around her quaking shoulders was just too much right now and she shrugged it away. She didn’t want to be cajoled or coaxed into being calm. She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw herself on the floor, to kick, and beat her fists. She couldn’t bear it! She would die!
‘Come on, my darling.’ Her mother’s voice came from somewhere a long way off. ‘Let’s get you inside.’
‘Oh, Mum,’ Tilly sobbed; her head buried in the crook of her elbow. ‘I don’t know what to do.’ The crumpled letter she had received from her darling Drew was crushed in her shaking hands. He’d sworn to her in church that he would love her forever and she so wanted to believe that as her trembling fingers turned the ring that was now obviously on the third finger of her left hand, the one that she had proudly showed off when she and Drew arrived home from holiday. Tilly had ignored the pained expression on her mother’s face, willing her to be as happy as she was. Drew’s promise to love her and be with her forever more was still deeply etched on her memory.
‘Oh, Mum, how will I be able to carry on without him?’
‘You will find a way, my darling, we women always do.’ Olive rose from where she had been sitting on the corner of Tilly’s bed and went to her daughter’s side, cocooning her in a loving embrace. Hadn’t she, too, had to endure the departure of the man she loved at an early age? ‘I know you are hurting,’ Olive said, rocking Tilly back and forth, ‘but you must be strong. Drew will come back, I’m sure.’ But even to her own ears the words didn’t sound convincing.