The Secret Love of a Gentleman. Jane Lark
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she’d left behind was another signal of how much she’d suffered. It would have taken a lot to make her choose to leave that life.
But he was certain that Caroline would abhor pity. Perhaps that was a part of her discomfort, that she must be reliant on others, and therefore be in need of pity. Perhaps she was embarrassed by her reliance on Drew as much as by her husband.
The pity in his gut swelled to admiration in his chest as Drew turned his horse off the track and kicked his heels, rising into a canter. Rob followed, racing the trap back to the house.
The first night he’d met Drew, Rob’s family had applauded Drew when he’d entered the room, out of respect because he’d helped Caroline escape her marriage. They should have applauded Caroline because she had survived years of cruelty and then had the courage to leave Kilbride.
When they reached the house Rob dismounted and handed the reins of his horse over to a groom, then waited for the trap beside Drew. It was a few yards away.
A groom came to hold the horse’s head as the trap pulled up. Drew lifted his hands up to take George from Caroline.
Another groom helped Mary down. Rob stepped forward, offering his hand to Caroline, forgetting entirely that she’d never taken anyone but Drew’s hand in all the years he’d known her. But he could not retract the offer, that would look crass, and so his gloved hand hovered in the air a foot away from where she stood in the trap.
Drew’s arms were full, the grooms were not near her, she accepted Rob’s hand, or rejected it and climbed down unaided; those were her choices.
She looked at him, her eyes gilded gold in the sunlight.
“Caroline.” He bowed his head, slightly.
She took a breath, which lifted her bosom. Then her fingers gripped his. They’d been trembling, but her firm hold denied it as she stepped down.
She immediately let go, when her feet touched the ground. But it was another step they’d taken towards friendship.
He turned to see Drew and Mary walking towards the house. They had not even noticed. He glanced at Caroline. “If you like, we could walk about the side of the house across the lawn and go in through the French doors of the morning room, to stretch our legs a little. Drew and Mary will be going up to the nursery anyway. Then we can call for tea.”
She looked at him, challenge bright in her eyes, but he guessed the challenge was to herself. “Yes, if you wish.” She was being brave today.
He turned and began walking. She fell into stride beside him.
He clasped his hands behind his back, refusing the instinct to offer her his arm.
It was not only Caro who felt awkward; he felt awkward too. He was not overly used to spending time with women outside of his family. Again, women were Harry’s forte, not his. There were many years to be lived before the time came for him to think about a wife, and he was not interested in mistresses, or casual liaisons. He was happy as he was. And unlike his peers in the family he believed in morality.
Rob had seen how the whores his brother and his cousins favoured lived. He pitied them. He had no desire to lie with them, and if he held a seat in the House of Commons then he would be speaking out for the safety of those women. His brother and cousins used the brothels, but there were many women on the streets who were only there because they needed food. It was not right.
But if Caroline were to be a friend, he supposed he ought to treat her as he would his friends—he would not offer his arm to a male friend.
A humorous sound escaped his throat.
She glanced at him, but said nothing as they walked on, side by side, in steady strides, she gripping the handle of her open parasol, while his hands were held together behind his back.
He ought to say something. “Did you enjoy your day?”
“Very much.” There was a slight quiver in her voice.
“You know, Caroline.” Rob glanced sideways at her as they walked around the corner of the house on to the lawn. “I respect you immensely.”
She did nothing to acknowledge his comment.
He liked her hair. It was in a loose knot and a whole swathe of it had been left to fall and curl across her shoulder and over her bosom.
“I was thinking, after we saw you in the trap, how much you must have had when you were with the Marquis of Kilbride. It only really occurred to me today what a big step it must have been for you to leave.” Perhaps it was not the best of topics to choose, and yet he did not wish to walk in silence and this was what was on his mind. “You gave up a life like Kate’s… ”
He stopped walking as they neared the open French doors of the morning room. He wished to complete this conversation.
She stopped too, and her hazel eyes widened as they became darker in the shadow of the parasol.
“I want you to know, I admire your courage. To experience such things and then to walk away and leave that life behind.” She’d been wrong. She was brave, braver than anyone else he knew.
Her skin pinked across her cheeks, then tears made her eyes appear fluid. “Excuse me…” She turned and then was gone again, his phantom, hurrying towards the house, her fingers clutching her dress to lift the hem.
“You are a damned idiot, Rob,” he said aloud, as he followed.
He did not see her in the house, and she was not in the drawing room. He ordered the tea and then went to his room to change out of his riding clothes. She was not downstairs when he returned, nor was she there for dinner.
After dinner, when Mary went up to the nursery to kiss the children goodnight, Rob walked out into the garden with Drew, to drink their port, so Drew might have a cigar.
Rob grasped at their privacy. “I was thinking today about Caroline’s marriage. It is no wonder really that her nerves affect her as they do. I mean I know what she went through. I read the details in the paper.”
Drew blew smoke up into the cooler night air, then looked at Rob. “You do not know the details. Even I do not. You read the story, which merely scratched at the surface. But for God’s sake do not tell her you read anything. I never told her what was printed in the papers. She did not have sight of them at the time. It would have hurt her and she’d been hurt enough, and she would be cut by you speaking of it. She is a private person.”
So Rob had noticed. His hand lifted and ran through his hair, then fell.
He was not proud of the conversation he’d started this afternoon. But oddly, the thought made him understand a little more of Caroline. Perhaps her air of wounded pride was not because she had been prideful, but because she was without pride. Perhaps she did not feel proud of her past or herself and that was why embarrassment left her tongue-tied.
“I shall not speak of it,” he confirmed to Drew.
He wished, more than anything, to make Caroline feel at ease.
Caro walked into the nursery after breakfast, knowing that Drew and Mary had gone out for a ride. She’d assumed Robbie had gone too, but he was lying on the floor beside George raining an army of lead soldiers with imaginary cannon fire.
I respect you immensely. Those had been the words he’d used yesterday. Respect… When she’d spent the past years feeling shame; feeling like a leech.
But the words and the mention of Albert had thrown her into turmoil, the past rising up before her and memories scurrying through her head, good as well as bad. Yes, she had given up a lot: her home, her self-possession, her position in society. Despite his brutality, she had held her head high, denying in public what happened