Snare. Katharine Kerr
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than you Kazraks ever would.’ He waved his hand vaguely at the encircling darkness. ‘Out here, mistakes mean death. A man who makes mistakes has no place in the comnee. Do you understand?’
‘Oh yes. And I’ll tell you something. I like it.’
They shared an easy smile.
In Ammadin’s tent a ball of pale light hung on the ridge pole like a lantern. As part of the ritual, Zayn had to describe his visions, and as she waited, watching him, her eyes seemed to look through, not at him. Safe, warm at last, well-fed, Zayn was too blurry with sleep-longing to think of any convincing lie.
‘I saw a spirit crane. It met me on the lake shore and took me to the island for my vigil. Then later it kept coming back.’
‘Wonderful! Did it leave you a gift?’
‘No, but I was going to stay all night until the arrows started flying.’
‘Ah, damn Palindor! The crane would have given you a gift if only he and his Kazraks hadn’t got in the way.’
‘Got in the way? That’s one way of putting it.’
‘From now on, cranes are Bane for you,’ Ammadin went on as if he hadn’t spoken. ‘You must never kill one – never, do you hear me? Don’t disturb a nest, either. Any crane you see means an omen, and you must greet them and speak to them. If you find a dead one, you must bury it properly.’
‘I promise, and I mean it, because that crane saved my life out there. It showed me a vision, too. My father came to me.’
‘His ghost? Is he dead?’
‘No. I guess it was just an image of him.’
‘That’s good enough. Did he have some advice for you?’
‘You don’t understand. My father hates me. I was nothing but one disappointment after the other.’
Ammadin stared, visibly shocked. ‘Did he curse you?’ she said at last. ‘In the vision, I mean.’
‘No. He had the usual look on his face, like a man who’s just stepped in fresh horseshit with a bare foot.’
‘Why did he hate you?’
‘The Lord means everything to him. He kept our household as pure as he could make it, until I came along.’
‘Your people can be harsh, when it comes to your religion. It must be that book you read.’
‘He read it all the time, that’s for sure. He wanted me to memorize it, you see, and so I did.’
‘Wait a minute. Why would he get angry if you did what he wanted?’
Zayn felt cold fear clutch him. He’d blundered, and badly. Back in the khanate that lapse might have led to his unmasking and, ultimately, his death. Ammadin raised one eyebrow but waited for him to speak. He wanted a lie, could think of none.
‘Uh well,’ Zayn said. ‘I did it in a single afternoon. I mean, I read through it, and I knew it off by heart, all of it. I was eight, maybe.’
‘Well, so?’
‘Don’t you know what that means?’
‘No. I should think he’d have been proud of you, a child that young, laying up holy words in his heart.’
‘But –’ He hesitated.
‘But what?’ Ammadin leaned forward, staring into his eyes. ‘What does it mean, then?’
Caught – how could he tell her? But how could he refuse? She waited patiently, her expression gentle, concerned.
‘Ah well,’ Zayn said at last. ‘It means I’m demon spawn, of course.’
‘What? That makes no sense at all.’
‘A memory like mine, it’s one of the twelve times twelve forbidden talents. So Father tried to exorcize the demon part of me, and when that didn’t work, he took me on quite a journey. We went to mosque after mosque, holy man after holy man. He was trying to find one who had the power to cure demon blood, you see. Finally I realized what he wanted, and so I pretended I was cured. But he never really trusted me.’
‘I still don’t –’
‘You must have heard of the forbidden talents.’
‘No, I haven’t. Are they like Banes?’
‘Yes, exactly. But –’ Zayn caught himself just in time. Why was he babbling like this? The face of the man in his vision rose in his memory. For a moment he thought he saw it floating like a mask in front of him, a smug face, twisted and gloating over secrets held too long.
‘What’s wrong?’ Ammadin rose to a kneel. ‘Are you going to throw up?’
He shook his head. ‘The talents, they’re Bane, all right,’ he said. ‘But you’re born with them. If you have one, it marks you as demon spawn. Most fathers kill children like that, but I was his only son. So he didn’t. I learned to hide it.’
‘Demon spawn? What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Back in the old country, across the sea where we came from, there were demons. They were impure, and they had the forbidden talents. But some of our women slept with them and had children, impure children. That’s one reason we left the old country and came here, so we could be pure again.’
‘Are the demons supposed to have come with you?’
‘No. It’s just that those women must have hidden some of their children, you see, so the mullahs couldn’t kill them. And those children would have grown up and passed the taint on to their children, and so on. And now, people like me still have demon blood in us. My mother must have carried it.’
Ammadin considered him for so long that he assumed she, like all the others, despised him. Finally she shook her head and spoke. ‘That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Demons can’t sire children. They don’t have bodies.’
He gaped, knew his mouth was hanging open like some idiot child’s, tried to find words, and realized at length that he was shaking.
‘Don’t you believe me?’ Ammadin said.
‘Of course I do. The mullahs and my father – they always warned us against demons, the gennies, they called them. They could look like real people, but they weren’t. They were spirits, and their bodies were just illusions.’
‘Well, then, how is one of these illusions supposed to get a woman pregnant?’
He could only stare at her. He wanted to say ‘of course they can’t, you’re right, it’s ridiculous,’ but his mouth refused to form the words. He hadn’t seen. Why hadn’t he seen? He hadn’t dared to see. What if he’d tried this piece of logic on his father? The old man might have killed him. He’d come close to killing his tainted son as it was, with his beatings and periods of forced starvation.
‘What a waste!’ Ammadin went on. ‘Your people could use a memory like yours. They’ve got so many laws and prayers.’
He nodded. ‘Look, Spirit Rider, Wise One, if I’m not demon spawn, then what am I?’
‘A man like any other, I suppose, with an odd turn of mind. Some men are good with a bow; others can’t shoot to save their lives but ride like they’re half-horse. Some men would forget their own names if they lived alone; others can remember every horse their wives have sold to the Kazraks in the last thirty years.’
‘But the forbidden talents –’
‘– are on some list one of your holy men made up a long time ago. I have no idea why he did it or why he put having an amazing memory on it, but I think he was born a few pages short of a holy book, if you take my meaning.’
Zayn laughed, softly at first, then louder, realized that his eyes