Reaching Lily. Vivacia Ahwen K
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‘Will there still be strippers?’ I blurted.
‘No.’ The corner of his mouth twitched, almost imperceptibly. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘I don’t know.’ There was a beat, and I asked, ‘Are we going to discuss my proposal or what?’
‘Eventually. But first, I’d like to discuss you, Ms Dewitt.’ He leaned forward. ‘I’ve been looking over my employee files all afternoon.’
‘Why? And you can start calling me Lily.’
‘Excellent. In the past, Lily, I’ve found that I can save hours of conference time by looking over who has been hired by one of my companies, and then I know who needs to go before I even talk to them.’ He scowled. ‘You’d be surprised how many people don’t make the cut.’
Oh, boy. And he failed to do the You can call me Dorian. Oh, well.
I waited.
He gestured at a menacing file cabinet. ‘Now that I’ve seen how unqualified so many of you are, my workload has significantly decreased.’
‘How very convenient for you.’ Why should I waste any more of my time? ‘So, I didn’t make the cut, did I.’
It came out as a statement, rather than a question.
‘Why would you say that?’ He seemed surprised. ‘I simply wish to know why you still choose to work at Apollyon. Aren’t you hungry?’
Had he heard my stomach growl? ‘Hungry?’
‘Do you have ambition?’ he explained. ‘Your CV has so much to offer, but you choose to work for a failing company, and are willing to perform the tasks of three people without demanding a raise. Also, since when are copywriters creative directors?’
‘Well, I didn’t –’
‘What that says to me as your boss, Lily, is that you don’t take yourself seriously.’ His face was a mask. ‘If you don’t take yourself seriously, or value your work, why should I take you seriously? Or any of your co-workers? Or any of Apollyon’s clientele?’
I hung my head. This was not the conversation I’d hoped to have, though I wasn’t surprised. Well, not entirely true. The angle he took came as a total surprise; I wasn’t expecting him to cushion it so nicely. The man was good.
‘Look at me, Lily,’ he commanded.
‘All right.’ My voice came out small and choked, as I looked up at him, fully obedient. ‘You are firing me, aren’t you? It’s OK to just say yes.’
‘Let’s talk about your past.’
Please, God, help me keep it together,
‘I can – could we please talk about the ideas I came up with?’
‘At some point. Right now I want to know more about you. What your goals once were. Starting with Boston College.’
I swallowed the lump in my throat. ‘Mr Holder, I need to apologise for this afternoon. I was rude to you, and I know it. Generally I’m not … I’m not like that.’
It was worth a shot. I’m not too proud to grovel. As you’ll find out, I have no shame at all when push comes to shove. Though at that moment in his shiny office? Really, I feared everything. Dorian Holder. Life. Myself.
‘What?’ He had either forgotten my bad behaviour or was a fine actor.
‘I kind of snapped at you in the café.’ Not to mention my looking at his pants. ‘I apologise, and it won’t happen again. I’m wicked sorry, Mr Holder.’
‘Oh, please.’ He waved his hand. ‘You’re fine. I was being impolite, and deserved far worse. If that’s your idea of snapping at someone, you must comprehend what I meant about not taking yourself seriously. You command zero respect, and if you’re heading up a department, yours is no way to behave. Letting your staff leave early when you are under duress and need to meet a deadline? Poor choice.’
I watched him take a slow, languorous sip. Late-afternoon sunbeams illuminated Dorian Holder’s drink, giving the illusion that he was swallowing liquid amber.
‘Speaking of no way to behave?’ He tilted his head. ‘Did you just tell me you were “wicked sorry”?’
‘Well, I am.’
‘I see.’ He stared at me. ‘Do you think local colloquialisms make you come across as a professional? For a young lady who studied communications, it disappoints. Are you disappointed with yourself?’
Maybe he was actually a psychologist whom Holder Enterprises had hired, pretending to go in as the real boss. Think about who the former president of Apollyon was, after all. Mr Colossimo the basket case! Holder Enterprises must have got some shrink to come in here, do evaluations of the employees and winnow the wheat from the chaff. The nuts from the Guinness. The … Wait. Didn’t I say insanity begins with paranoia?
‘I’d like to talk more, Mr Holder,’ I said, my voice shaking. ‘But since I am fired, after all, I’m not sure what the point is. You have my “high-school girl” notes. Jay-Jay can take over for me.’
‘What?’ He set his glass down on the tabletop. ‘Who said you were being let go? It’s not like this is Iowa.’
Iowa?
‘You aren’t –?’
‘No, I am not. And don’t ever tell me again who to hire, fire, buy or sell.’
‘Mr Holder, I’d never try to –’
‘Mr Tanaka is not up for your position. He’s underqualified to head up copy, and I don’t care that he’s next in the weak chain of command. I’m getting someone from the outside.’ He scowled. ‘And you aren’t being terminated, Lily. You’re being demoted. Starting tomorrow, you will once again be an intern.’
‘Oh.’ I wasn’t sure whether or not to be relieved. After all, I remained employed, since it was a paid internship. On the other hand, I was so fucking humiliated, and didn’t know how I could talk about this with anyone. See, I just don’t command respect …
‘I’d like to move you around a few different departments, because you’ve got more to offer than copywriting, and I feel your talent could be better utilised in another capacity. Though you are quite a talented writer. I could see you excelling in PR. Concepts. Development. My long-term view would be you as a creative director, as I mentioned, but you would obviously need more grooming over the next two years.’
‘Creative director?’
‘Not beyond the realm of possibility, given the right mentor.’
‘Mr Holder, I need to be clear about something. So I … I’m being asked to step down. That sounds too much like “fired”.’
He mulled my comment over, and took a generous gulp. ‘An understandable reaction to this conference, but not based in reality, and you continue to demonstrate poor listening skills. Still, I acknowledge your disappointment, and regret that is what you are garnering from our meeting.’
He was definitely an undercover shrink. I despised him on one hand, but wanted to tell him everything on the other.
‘I – I am pretty disappointed.’ I blinked. I will not cry, I will not cry.
‘I would be, as well, were I in your shoes, your age, having no sense of direction or comprehension of potential advancement. If I had no belief in myself. What I offer you is opportunity, but we have to start from ground zero. You’ve been poorly trained, Lily.’ His eyes dropped to my feet, WTF, and I crossed my ankles, feeling exposed. ‘Since you don’t appear to think long-term, let me get down to your level and we’ll go from there.’