Break-Up Club: A smart, funny novel about love and friendship. Lorelei Mathias
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absolute Muppet!’ Olivia punned, unwittingly. ‘Why would you put up with that?’
‘Blimey,’ Bella said. ‘Listen to us, whining on about our break-ups like a couple of miserable reprobates. We’re like some lonely hearts club, only without the band.’
‘Sad Bastards Anonymous, more like,’ Olivia suggested, smoothing out her hair, which had become crumpled from all the recent hugging. She began foraging for her handbag under the coat pile.
‘No…’ Holly said, ‘you guys are like some kind of bizarre break-up cult!’
Bella’s eyes dilated with excitement. ‘Break-up Club, surely? That’s got a better ring to it? Yes! That’s what we are!’ Bella lurched forward, while Holly and Olivia exchanged looks of concern. ‘HAHAHAHaaaa!’ She clamped a hand over her mouth. ‘Um, has anyone got a tissue? I think I’ve just been a bit sick in my mouth,’ she mumbled through her fingers.
‘No,’ Olivia said, clearly disgusted, while Holly dug around in her bag for a tissue and handed it to Bella.
‘Ha! And that can be our strapline!’ Bella said through giggles, having wiped her mouth of anything offensive. She pulled out a moleskin notebook and began to jot things down in it. ‘The Break-up club..’
‘You cannot be serious,’ Holly said.
‘LOL. LOL,’ Olivia said.
Everyone slowly turned to face her.
‘Liv. Did you just say “laugh out loud” – like, as an acronym?’ Holly asked,
Olivia nodded. ‘I’m afraid the answer is yes. Yes I did.’
Bella groaned. ‘Liv, you div. You can just laugh, you know. You don’t need to, like, declare the laugh.’
‘I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s Ross. He barely said whole words in all the time we were together. He spent so much time in those chat rooms! You’ll need to bear with me while his geek vernacular wears off.’
‘Anyway, we can always think up another strapline for the club,’ Bella said, deadpan.
‘You nut-nut; there isn’t really a club. We were just twatting about,’ Olivia said, looking at Holly. ‘Seriously, we’re not that unhinged.’
‘Yes, seriously, hon, we’ll be fine,’ Bella said, her eyes bloodshot, mascara all over her face, and snot congregating around her nostrils.
‘I don’t think you should be so quick to knock it, actually,’ Holly said.
Bella squinted at her in confusion.
‘Yes. In fact, I was just thinking how it’s kind of serendipitous that you guys have coincided. It’s nice that you’re there for each other, to help each other through this difficult time.’
‘Next you’ll be saying you’re jealous,’ Olivia said.
‘Ha! No, you’re all right,’ Holly said, taking a large sip of her drink and accidentally finishing it.
‘Ride horseback through the world heritage site of the Vinales Valley. Salsa through the streets of Trinidad, Cuba’s museum city….’
Holly looked up from the ‘Havanatur’ leaflet and watched the travel agent, Cheryl, tapping away at her screen. Holly read on, beginning to swoon at the very idea of getting away. ‘Lose yourself in frenetic La Habana Vieja. Enjoy home-cooked cuisine in a cosy “Casa Particulare”. There’s more to Cuba than Communism and Cohibas…’
‘OK,’ interrupted Cheryl. ‘The cheapest thing I’ve got for you guys is with Iberia, change Madrid, for seven nine six including taxes and fuel surcharges. How about it?’
Holly gulped. ‘Wow. It’s four months from now, and it’s that much already?’
‘Or can do you a nice package deal to Varadero, if you like, for let’s see – eight nine?’
Holly turned to Lawrence. They both had the same policy on package holidays: a resounding ‘Hell, no.’ Holiday Reps were ‘for wimps from Wilmslow’ was Lawrence’s saying and he was sticking to it.
‘No, that’s OK, we’ll take the flight and play it by ear when we get there.’ Holly smiled at Lawrence, a scene playing in her mind of the two of them on a motorcycle, cruising up a highway lined with palm trees, whizzing past wild horses and tobacco plantations, her hair blowing in the wind, her arms clasped around him as he rounded corners at break-neck speed. Obviously, for the purposes of this daydream, Lawrence looked a lot more like Gael García Bernal than he did in reality.
‘OK, if you’re sure,’ said Cheryl. ‘Actually, you get in quite late from this flight, would you like me to book your first night’s accommodation?’
‘Makes sense – thanks,’ Holly said, looking at Lawrence, who was nodding.
‘Well, here’s one hotel we recommend. The Saratoga. A lot of our customers have loved it there.’
Cheryl rotated her monitor to show a maroon webpage displaying a dreamlike wonderland straight out of a catalogue for Paradise. It was all gilded interiors, high ceilings and colonial architecture. There was even a lavish rooftop pool overlooking the whole of Havana. Basically, gulp.
‘Wow,’ Holly said, ‘that’s Havana heaven.’
Lawrence squeezed her hand. ‘Imagine getting into that pool after a nine and a half hour flight. That’s not Havana, that’s Navana.’
‘Ick, Lawrence!’ shouted Holly. ‘Did you just pun?’
‘Yes. You’re right I did. I’m sorry, it was a proper stinker too; I just couldn’t hold it in.’
Lawrence pretended to ‘fan’ the air around him, as if to rid the air of the stench, while Cheryl looked on, bemused.
‘Sorry. How much is it per night?’ Holly asked.
‘200 convertible pesos. I’m not sure what that is in sterling at the moment.’
‘Let’s take it!’ Lawrence said. ‘It’s a poor country, isn’t it? Pesos probably aren’t worth much, are they?’
Holly knew how ridiculous Lawrence sounded, but she just couldn’t take her eyes off the rooftop pool. ‘If you say so… It’s only one night anyway; we can rough it the rest of the time to make up for it.’
‘Smashing. So with the hotel included, the grand total comes to one seven nine fifty. Now, I will be needing the whole amount now on either a credit or debit card,’ she said, looking to Lawrence.
‘Wow. Flights to Paris for only £59.99!’ he said, staring at a poster on the wall. ‘That’s so much cheaper than Eurostar!’
Holly shifted about in her seat. ‘One thing at a time, dear,’ she said in that way they sometimes did when they pretended they were an old married couple. Tentatively, she reached for her purse and dug out her credit card. ‘Anyway, I’m sure it’ll be more than that – see how it says “FROM” £59.99… that’s the trap to lure you in. Chances are, it’ll actually cost more like £159.99.’
‘Actually, the price is what it says it is,’ Cheryl added helpfully. ‘Sorry. I’ll just go and get the card machine.’ She smiled and then headed out into the back room.
‘So,’ Lawrence went on, ‘I’m just thinking, it might be good to book our tickets to Paris while we’re here. And maybe they can do us a special deal, since we’re spending so much already?’
Holly felt a tiny knot form in her stomach.
‘Um, Lawrence, I already said, I’m not sure I want to go to