Three Letters. Josephine Cox
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never!’ Opening his arms, he took the boy into his embrace before inviting him to, ‘Get yer coat off an’ help yourself to a ginger biscuit from the barrel in the kitchen cabinet. Oh, and by the way, your comics are still in the drawer, if you’re wondering.’
Curious, he glanced at the mantelpiece clock. It was almost 8 p.m. At this time of evening, the boy should be at home, getting ready for his bed. And when Tom hung his coat up, the old fella noticed that he was still in his working clothes. That was odd, he thought worriedly. ‘Come through, lad. Looks to me like we need to talk, eh?’
Leaving the boy to his biscuits and comic, Bob led his son to the back parlour, where Tom stood with his back to the fireplace, while his father sat himself in the big old armchair.
‘What’s wrong, lad?’ Though a working man, married with a child, Tom was always referred to by his father as ‘lad’. In an odd way, it gave him a sense of comfort, but not tonight, because tonight, there was nothing on earth that might comfort him.
‘I’ve left her.’ Tom spoke softly so the boy might not hear. He was not proud of his decision, however justified it might be. Nor was he proud of the awful burden he was about to heap on this dear man. ‘We’re not going back, Dad. Not ever!’
When his father made no response, Tom saw the worry in his face. ‘I’m sorry, Dad. I know it was a drastic step to take, but this time, she’s gone too far.’ In his mind’s eye he could see Ruth wildly attacking Casey, and the boy flinching from her, his arms held high in a feeble effort to protect himself.
‘I see.’ Bob gave a small, understanding smile. ‘You had another bad set-to with Ruth, am I right?’
‘Yes.’ He had no intentions of revealing the shocking thing Ruth had confessed to him about the stranger in the alley being Casey’s true father.
‘Hmm. Well now, with you and Ruth at loggerheads, and all things taken into account, I can mebbe understand you not wanting to go back, but have you considered what Casey wants? Oh, I know he’s not yet of an age when he can reason for himself, but he has a quick mind and a voice with which to express his own views. I trust you’ve taken his feelings into account when you say you’re “never” going back? And besides, who’s to say this upset with Ruth won’t blow over, like they’ve done many times before?’
‘Not this time, Dad.’
‘So, why not this time? What’s gone on between the two of you that’s so unforgivable it can’t be put right?’
Tom felt the anger rise in him. ‘It can’t ever be put right, Dad, because, like I say, this time she’s gone too far altogether!’
‘But in what way?’
‘It doesn’t matter. All you need to know is, she’s shown her true colours. Take my word, Dad, me and Casey are well out of it. I want nothing more to do with her. It was Casey himself who asked me to bring him here, so he could live here with you. He told me he never wants to go back there.’
For a long, tense moment, the air was thick with Tom’s outburst. Then, almost in a whisper, Bob revealed what was on his mind. ‘This upset between you and Ruth … a man, was it?’
For some time now, he had overheard snippets of worrying gossip. He kept them to himself, because like many a parent, he believed any problems should be taken care of inside the relationship, though it seemed in this particular case that might be too much to ask. ‘That’s it, isn’t it, lad? That wandering wife o’ yourn has been cheating on you again.’
Tom was shocked. ‘What makes you ask that?’ He had no idea that his father was aware of Ruth’s seedy other life.
‘Oh, lad! I might be long in the tooth, but I’m not a fool.’ When under pressure, Bob had a habit of biting his bottom lip, which he did now. ‘The thing is, I’ve heard mutterings now and then. I had hoped it was just idle gossip amongst folks who’d got nothing better to do. I’m sorry, Tom. I should have known there’s no smoke without fire. So, is it true then … what they say?’
Tom merely nodded, his sense of shame increasing tenfold.
Getting out of his chair, Bob went to the door and softly closed it. Then he laid his broad, comforting hand on Tom’s shoulder. ‘You and the boy can stay ’ere as long as you need to. I’ll not ask any questions, and I’ll not intrude in your marriage … unless o’ course you need me to. Whichever way you want to handle it, lad, I’m here for you.’
‘Thanks, Dad.’ Tom was deeply moved by his father’s support. ‘I promise you, Dad, I haven’t taken this step lightly. For a long time now, I’ve tried to keep the marriage together, mainly for Casey’s sake – you’ve no idea how I’ve tried – but she doesn’t love us … not me, and certainly not the boy.’
In that moment, he believed he was the one who had failed, and that things could only get worse. It broke his heart to realise that, out of all this chaos, the person who would be hurt most was young Casey.
As Tom hung his head and choked back the tears, his father held him close. ‘It’ll be all right, son,’ he said. ‘Whatever it is, we’ll face it together, me and you … and our precious boy.’
Tom gave no answer. Instead he kept his head buried in his father’s shoulders until his sobs began to subside.
The old man also had tears in his eyes. ‘Hey, come on now, lad. Don’t let the boy see you like this. Best get to your bed, eh? Right now, your mind is all over the place. In the morning, we’ll all be thinking clearly, then we’ll talk it through, and deal with it.’
Holding Tom at arm’s length, he was relieved when Tom smiled back at him. ‘That’s better, son. So, is my plan a good ’un, d’you think?’
‘Yeah, Dad. As good as any I’ve heard.’
When his father seemed relieved, Tom regretted not being able to tell him about the other matter that haunted him. For some time now, Tom had been on the brink of confiding in that dear man, but he could not bring himself to burden him with such crippling news, even though he knew his father would move Heaven and Earth to bring him a measure of peace.
So now, as he thanked his father for accommodating him and Casey, Tom managed a smile; though it was a shallow effort.
Tom was well versed in putting on a brave face, so the old man had no idea that his son was carrying a much heavier burden than he was yet ready to reveal.
Sometimes in life, bad things happened and there was no real explanation as to why. All Tom knew was that these past weeks had been almost unbearable. There was no way for him to ease his mind, and no way he could share the load. So, he carried the burden alone; praying that somehow, his instincts might lead him to do the right thing, for everyone; especially his son.
Somewhere deep inside himself, Tom wanted to believe that Ruth did love the boy, and yet her every word, look and action showed only hatred. Casey felt her rejection of him, and in turn he began to lose both respect and love for his mother. It was a difficult situation, which over the years, had widened the rift between Tom and his wife, and made him love his son even more.
His thoughts now turned to his father. The truth was that however the darling old man might want to ‘work out’ his son’s problems, there was no way that could ever happen. What was done was already done, and there could be no turning back.
In her seemingly cruel way, Fate had intervened.
The dice were thrown and there were no winners.
‘I reckon you’d best get the boy to bed, afore he falls asleep on the kitchen floor.’ Tom was jolted out of his thoughts by his father’s timely reminder.
‘I’ll do that right now,’ Tom answered. ‘Mind you, I don’t suppose he’d care much if we left him there till morning.’
‘Well, we’re not having that. So, go on, you put your son to bed, and meantime I’ll get us a drop o’ summat good to warm the cockles.’