Forever Her Hero. Belle Calhoune
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anxious to see her reaction to his news. She tensed up. Her mouth was set in a firm line while her eyes glittered dangerously. Sawyer knew her well enough to know the warning signs. If he had any sense he would run for cover. Without a word, Ava reached out and snatched the puppy from his arms.
“Welcome back, Sawyer,” she spit out. “If I’d known you were coming I would have thrown you a party. Forgive me for not rolling out the red carpet.”
He let out a pent-up sigh. “I know you’re upset with me, but I’d like to see the kids, to help you any way I can.”
“Help me?” She bristled. “The same way you helped me after Billy died? ’Cause from what I remember you were a rock for the first year, until you took off for parts unknown and stayed gone this whole time.”
He gritted his teeth, uncomfortable with her angry stance. “The coast guard sent me to Africa on a global partnership mission. I couldn’t tell you where I was going before I left, Ava. Those missions are classified.”
She juggled the puppy in her arms as she attached the leash to his collar. “It’s been a year since you left. One whole year. The twins have asked about you nonstop, and I kept telling them you’d be back, that their uncle wouldn’t stay away for long. And guess what?” she exploded. “They finally stopped asking about you, because as faithful and trusting as kids are, even they can’t continue to believe in something that doesn’t exist!”
He hung his head, not wanting to see the hurt in Ava’s eyes. He could hear it ringing out in her voice. Seeing it would bring him to his knees. The thought of causing Ava and the twins pain was agonizing. When he’d left Cape Cod it had been an act of self-preservation, an attempt to extinguish all the guilt he’d felt over his cousin’s death and to get his life back on track. In the end, running away had only made things worse, since thoughts of Ava and the kids had relentlessly followed him.
“I know I shouldn’t have taken the assignment. I should have stayed right here where I belong. Believe me, if I could go back and change things, I would.” It was the closest he’d come to apologizing to her. He should have told her sooner, perhaps written her a heartfelt letter. There was so much more lying under the surface, things that both of them had always chosen to ignore. They were part of the reason he’d left and why he’d chosen to stay out of contact with her, even though he’d sent half a dozen postcards and packages to the kids. But it was far too soon for him to start digging up the past. For now, all he wanted to do was extend an olive branch.
“Well, Billy always said your job was the most important thing to you,” she said crisply. “I guess you proved him right.”
Ava turned her back on him and began walking down the beach toward her house. He could see Casey and Dolly in the distance, darting among the waves crashing toward the shore. More than anything he wanted to see them, to spin them around in his arms and tell them how much he’d missed them. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know if he had the right to just walk back into their lives, especially since their mother wasn’t rolling out the welcome mat.
For all he knew the twins no longer remembered him. In a child’s life, a year was a lifetime. He didn’t want to believe they could so easily forget all the campouts on the beach, the sailing lessons or the trips to the aquarium at Woods Hole. Since the day they were born he’d loved them more than he could put into words. It would be painful to see a blank look on their faces. Even if their memories of him had faded, he still intended to be a permanent fixture in their lives from this point forward. He wasn’t going anywhere, not ever again.
Lord, please let me help Ava and the kids any way I can. Let me make up for any pain I’ve caused them and help them continue to heal. And please give me the strength to stay on course and not run away from overwhelming feelings. Lord, give me strength.
As he watched Ava take the twins by the hand and lead them across the beach to the stone path leading to their house, he felt a huge sense of loss wash over him. How many times had he sat on this beach with Billy and watched the kids make sand castles? How many times had he walked the stone path with Ava? There was so much he had to say to her in order to make things right between them.
There’s no time like the present, a little voice buzzed in his ear. Why shouldn’t he follow them up to the house? Even though Ava was still bitter about his having left Cape Cod, he needed to get a few things straight with her. He needed to make her understand that accepting the assignment in Africa didn’t mean he’d abandoned them. And before she found out from someone else, he needed to tell her that he was the proud owner of a lighthouse and her new next-door neighbor.
* * *
Ava opened the back door of her house with trembling fingers. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling in an uneven rhythm as chaotic thoughts swirled in her head. Her palms were damp. She reminded herself to breathe in and out, slowly and evenly. As she ushered the kids through the door, she barely noticed their sandy feet and the dirty beach toys they’d brought inside. Feeling a bit dazed, she deposited Tully on the floor and began filling up his water bowl. She was just going through the motions. Her thoughts were all jumbled and unfocused. All she could think about was what had just happened on the beach. All she could focus on was Sawyer.
Seeing him standing there on the beach holding her puppy in his arms had been a shock. It had felt like a jolt to the system. He was still so ruggedly handsome with a leanly muscled build, broad shoulders, chocolate-brown eyes and warm, caramel-colored skin. His features were no less arresting than they’d always been—sharp, high cheekbones and wide, almond-shaped eyes.
She’d already replayed their encounter several times in her mind. And despite the anger that continued to course through her, she felt guilty about the way she’d treated him. It wasn’t like her to be snotty and rude. It wasn’t like her to turn her back on someone and walk away. But she’d been holding on to this anger for so long it was now bubbling over, unable to be contained.
Sawyer was back in Buzzards Bay! He was home! A little burst of happiness flowed through her as the knowledge settled in around her heart that he was finally back home. That first moment of recognition when she’d locked gazes with him had been full of mixed emotions. Her initial reaction upon realizing it was him had been joy. Her second emotion had been pure, unbridled rage. How dare he just show up on the beach without a care in the world after a whole year of being gone? Didn’t he know what his absence had done to her family? Hadn’t he realized how deeply they’d missed him? How she had been lost without her best friend?
The intensity of her feelings frightened her. She was always so reserved and contained with her emotions. It was rare that she showed her innermost feelings. But leave it to Sawyer to drag it to the surface. Ever since they were kids he’d possessed a knack for bringing out her intense side. From the first day they met he’d infuriated her, frustrated her, left her teary-eyed and somehow wedged himself firmly inside her heart.
After digging through the odds-and-ends drawer beneath her kitchen counter, she found the one thing she knew would soothe her. For the past two years she’d been a cross-stitch enthusiast. Not only did it appeal to her artistic side, but it helped her deal with stress. And her panic attacks. As she began making X shapes on the cloth, she found herself relaxing. She took a deep breath and then exhaled, closing her eyes and sending up a prayer to God.
A knock sounded at the back door, pulling her away from prayer and thoughts of Sawyer. Dolly and Casey were sitting at the counter snacking on grapes and playing rock, paper, scissors. Dolly slid down from her stool and ran toward the back door, answering the knock before Ava could admonish her about opening it before she knew who was outside. She pulled the door wide, and Sawyer was standing there in the doorway, his six-foot frame dwarfing her baby girl.
“You look like my daddy,” Dolly announced in a voice filled with awe.
“Yeah, people used to tell me that all the time when I was growing up, but I never believed them,” Sawyer said with a grin. “Do you remember me?”
“I think so,” Dolly answered in a hesitant voice, turning toward Ava for reassurance. Ava nodded and smiled at her daughter, letting