Secrets Behind Locked Doors. Laura Martin
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everything you’ve been through I could hardly send you off to live with some dreary relative in the country,’ Robert said.
‘I must have disrupted your entire life.’
He didn’t say anything. Once again Louisa wondered about his past. He hadn’t really told her anything about himself. Not that he had to, Louisa was just curious.
‘I’m sure I can take a few days out of my normal schedule until we get you settled.’
Louisa nodded. She hadn’t really thought much about the future. Only a few hours ago she’d been determined to set out on her own, disappear into the anonymous streets of London. After their talk Louisa had decided to give Robert and the life he was offering her a chance. If something went wrong, he’d promised he would let her leave and even help her with her independence. She hadn’t thought much past that.
The problem was Louisa still couldn’t quite believe she wouldn’t soon wake up from a dream and find herself back in the asylum. Her life had changed so much in such a short time.
‘Can we go for a stroll?’ Louisa asked.
Robert looked from her to the carriage, then nodded in agreement.
They set off down the street arm in arm and Louisa felt like a normal young woman out for a walk with her guardian. She wanted this moment to last for ever.
‘I know we have a lot to discuss,’ she said, ‘but can we pretend to be normal just for a little while?’
‘You don’t need to pretend, Louisa,’ he said. ‘Where would you like to go?’
She contemplated for a couple of seconds. ‘It’s a beautiful day—maybe a walk in the park? If there’s anywhere suitable nearby.’
Robert took his pocket watch from his jacket and glanced at the time. Louisa wondered if he had somewhere else to be and almost told him she didn’t mind going back to the house, not if he had other engagements.
‘How about a stroll through Hyde Park?’ Robert asked.
Louisa smiled. She couldn’t think of anything more appealing.
‘I’ve never been to a park in London before,’ she said as they walked arm in arm down the wide pavement. ‘I’ve never really been anywhere in London before, apart from the asylum.’
‘Your parents didn’t bring you here when you were young?’
Louisa shrugged. ‘I suppose we must have visited once or twice, but I don’t really remember.’ She felt the pang of sadness she always did when thinking of her parents. ‘You don’t realise at the time that every moment is to be treasured, do you?’ she said quietly. ‘Otherwise you’d make an effort to remember more.’
Robert stayed silent, but she felt the empathy emanating from him.
‘What do you recall about them?’ he asked after a couple of minutes.
Louisa hadn’t talked about her parents for so long. No one had been interested for so many years and if someone did bring up the subject she normally felt too upset to say much. Today, however, she wanted to talk. She wanted to tell Robert how she remembered her mother’s laugh and her father’s compassion. How her mother used to read to her before tucking her into bed and her father would whisk her up in front of him and teach her to ride on the back of his trusty horse.
‘They were happy,’ Louisa said. ‘Every day was filled with laughter and sunshine and smiles.’
‘It must have been a wonderful childhood.’
‘It was.’ Louisa knew she’d been lucky in her early years. Too many of her peers had absent fathers and downtrodden mothers. But Louisa had seen what true love could bring to a marriage. ‘I can’t ever remember being unhappy whilst my parents were alive.’
Robert remained quiet, allowing her to remember the happiness she’d felt for just a few moments longer.
‘It was some mysterious illness that killed them,’ Louisa said, surprising herself at how easy it was to open up to Robert. ‘The doctors didn’t know how they’d caught it or what it was, but one day they were both happy, healthy people in the prime of their lives and the next they were fighting a deadly illness.’
‘You didn’t get it?’ Robert asked.
Louisa shook her head and felt the tears welling in her eyes. ‘My father fell ill first of all, but when my mother succumbed she forbade my nanny from taking me to see her, knowing I would be in danger if I spent even a few moments in her room.’
‘So you didn’t see them before they passed away?’
Louisa paused. She’d seen them, and sometimes she saw them still in those quiet moments just before she dropped off to sleep.
‘I sneaked into their bedroom in the middle of the night. I couldn’t understand why they’d kept me away.’ To this day Louisa could still remember the hideously sweet smell of the sickroom. ‘My father was quiet, I think he was very close to the end, but my mother was writhing and moaning.’
Louisa had screamed, thinking someone was torturing her mother, not understanding she was in the grip of a fever making her delirious.
‘I was bundled out, but I screamed and screamed until they let me back in the room. By that time my mother had settled and was sleeping fitfully.’
‘That was the last time you saw them?’ Robert asked softly.
Louisa nodded. ‘I kissed them both on the cheek and told them I would see them at breakfast. They were dead by the next morning.’
‘It must have been the end of your world.’
Louisa nodded. Robert seemed to understand her distress. She didn’t know what it was about him that made him so easy to talk to. She hadn’t told anyone about the last time she’d seen her parents before. Partly because no one had been interested, but also because she didn’t want anyone to see her so vulnerable. Even though she’d only known Robert for a short while Louisa had known he wouldn’t belittle her memory of her parents or the last time she’d seen them. He’d understand why it had been quite so harrowing.
‘When you lose someone you’re close to it leaves a gulf,’ he said slowly, ‘that never heals. In time we learn to bury that gulf, but it’s always there, under the surface.’
He said it with such compassion Louisa knew he was talking from personal experience.
She hoped he might elaborate. She desperately wanted to know more about this man who had saved her from a lifetime of misery, but at the moment she didn’t feel as though she could just come out and ask him. She knew he had been in the army, and that he’d lost a friend in the war, that much he’d let slip earlier on in the carriage, but other than that Louisa was pretty much in the dark as to Robert’s past.
‘So how did Thomas Craven become your guardian?’ he asked.
Louisa grimaced as she thought back to the first time her old guardian had shown up in her life.
‘I didn’t have any other relatives,’ Louisa said, trying not to think about how different her life would have been if she’d had a kindly aunt or grandparent left alive. ‘Mr Craven was my father’s business partner.’
Robert nodded, encouraging her to go on.
‘I hardly knew him. He came into our lives about six months before my parents died and convinced my father to invest in some scheme or another.’
‘But why did your parents make this man they hardly knew your guardian?’
Louisa shrugged. In truth she didn’t really know. She’d been so young at the time.
‘In the few months before my parents died he was around the house a lot. He stayed with us on numerous occasions. And he always made a show of fussing over me.’