A Home of Her Own. Brenda Novak
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with every heartbeat it became more difficult. He leaned on his elbows to get a better glimpse of her and felt his pulse go crazy. She wore the sweatshirt he’d set out for her earlier. But, like last night when he’d pressed her against the wall, she didn’t have anything on underneath it, except maybe a pair of panties.
The thought of her panties didn’t help him hang on to his sanity.
He had to say something that would cause her to withdraw immediately, before his desire took control.
But if he rebuffed her, he’d humiliate her.
If he didn’t rebuff her…
He let his breath hiss out between his teeth. He could barely think above the racket his heart seemed to be making. If he didn’t send her away it was probably no big deal, he told himself. She’d been raised by the town’s most notorious hooker. Showing up in a man’s bedroom probably wasn’t anything new for her. And maybe he wanted her here, but it wasn’t as if he’d invited her.
“Can’t you sleep?” he said, stalling.
“No.”
Briefly, he tried to summon the self-control to send her back to her own room. But the overabundance of testosterone suddenly flooding through his body muddied his thoughts, made him reckless. Any resolve he’d managed to muster fled the instant he imagined how embarrassed she’d be if he were to turn her away. Somehow it was easier to give in to what he really wanted if he looked at it as some sort of kindness.
“Are you still cold?” More stalling on his part.
She nodded but didn’t ask for a blanket. Neither did she apologize for interrupting him and duck out of the room. There was no mistake. She was making him an offer and, heaven help him, he didn’t think he could say no. It was the temerity of her stance that was his undoing. He wanted to take her in his arms, reassure her that she’d read his signals correctly.
“Want me to keep you warm?” he asked and lifted the blankets. Because he’d turned up the heat for her sake, he wasn’t wearing anything except his boxer briefs. If this wasn’t what he thought it was, she’d certainly turn back now. But she didn’t. She came toward him.
When she reached the edge of his bed, she quickly pulled off the sweatshirt and dropped it on the floor. Then for a few seconds she stood in front of him wearing only a pair of lacy white panties.
The sheer beauty of the woman she’d become stole his breath. It had been a long time since he’d made love, too long. Yet, oddly enough, he hadn’t realized it had been much too long until now.
“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered.
She shook her head, but he couldn’t believe she or anyone else could disagree with him on that, and he wasn’t really looking at her face anymore. He let his gaze drift appreciatively over the rest of her while making one last feeble effort to talk himself out of making this mistake. He’d pretty much given up dating. He couldn’t seem to fall in love like everyone else. But he missed having an active sex life and, mistake or no, he wasn’t about to reject Lucky now that she was standing next to him almost naked….
A MOMENT OF ABSOLUTE PANIC nearly sent Lucky running from the room. But the memory of that kiss she’d witnessed in the barn calmed her fears and prodded her to take what she wanted. This was Mike Hill. As indifferent as he’d been toward her in the past, he was a decent man and treated everyone else well. He’d be gentle, even with her. And maybe he’d make her feel like someone who mattered, someone like Lindsey Carpenter or one of the other women who belonged in Dundee. For a few moments, she might even feel as if she belonged with him….
He immediately urged her into bed with him, and she felt his bare skin against her breasts as his hands slid up and down her back. “Jeez, you are cold.”
His body was as hard and sinewy as it looked, but it was the evidence of his arousal that sent sparks through Lucky’s veins. She’d done that to him. The little girl he’d never acknowledged. The belligerent teen who’d gotten nothing but a frown when she’d unclasped her bikini top.
“You…you feel good,” she said before she could stop herself.
She thought she saw his teeth flash in a grin. “You said you wanted me to make it hot, right?” He nuzzled her neck, kissed the indentation below her earlobe. “Hot, hot, hot?”
The bath…She remembered, even though she could scarcely think for all the sensations bombarding her brain. Warm flesh. Hard muscle. Crisp sheets. The scent of clean male.
“That’s what I said,” she whispered, breathless with the excitement and daring of what she was doing. She’d never initiated a sexual encounter in her life, and she’d actually had the nerve to approach Mike Hill.
“Then—” he rubbed his lips across her cheek “—let’s see what I can do.”
She turned her head, wanting him to give her the long, slow kiss he’d given Lindsey in the barn—the long, slow kiss she’d been waiting for all her life. But he didn’t seem very interested in her mouth. He relieved her of her panties. Then his tongue and his hands worked such seductive magic, she almost forgot about kissing him, at least in such a soulful way. He soon had her writhing and moaning, bursting with need and the absolute certainty that nothing he was doing to her could hurt, whether it was her first time or not. She wanted Mike too badly; she wanted what his fingers promised.
But when he put on the condom he took from the nightstand near the bed and answered her eagerness with a powerful thrust, that illusion shattered.
She stiffened as she tried to absorb the sudden shock of the pain, and he froze.
“What is it?” he asked.
She tried to catch her breath so she could speak, but the desire she’d felt only a moment earlier was fading fast, and she wanted to cry. This wasn’t like the scene in the barn. This meant nothing to Mike except physical release. She was doing exactly what her mother had done so many times. Only she’d sold herself for nothing….
“I’m…I’m fine,” she managed to say.
“Lucky?”
She could sense his bewilderment. “Are you, um, finished?” she asked when he didn’t move.
“Am I finished?” he repeated as though it was the oddest question in the world.
“It’s…it’s okay if you’re not. I…I’ll wait. I’m okay with waiting.” She figured it was the right thing to do, since it was her fault they’d come this far. Whatever regrets she had she’d deal with later, on her own. She couldn’t blame him for her own error in judgment. She’d visited his room, not the other way around.
He remained hesitant. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“I hurt you.”
“No, I…It…felt great. Really.” God, she couldn’t wait until morning, when she could go back to her rambling, lonely house and never see him again. The anguish of her mistake stabbed into her heart just as he stabbed into her body.
I’m such a fool. What did I think this would do? What did I think it would change?
Suddenly, he cursed and withdrew.
His displeasure stung like a slap in the face. For all his indifference, she’d never seen him lose his temper before. But she’d made him angry. She’d screwed this up so badly. “I’m sorry. I did it wrong,” she said. “I didn’t know. I—Is it too late? I don’t mind if…if you want try again.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
Her emotions were so scrambled she wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not, but she realized it was too late to smooth over her blunder. Blinking against the tears stinging her eyes, she scrambled to get out of his bed.
He buried his head under