Baby, I'm Yours. Carrie Weaver
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way.
As if sensing his thoughts, Becca quickly withdrew her hand.
The waitress arrived and took their order and the awkward moment passed.
“Tell me the real reason for the lunch invitation.”
Rick cleared his throat. “There are some changes around the office I need to discuss with you.”
“Changes?”
“Personnel. I brought the books for you to take home and look at this evening. Gabe’s only been gone two weeks and I’m swamped. We’re going to lose customers if our service suffers—you know how competitive the rental business is.”
“I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. Can we hire someone to…fill Gabe’s position?”
“We can’t afford two salaries for one position.”
Becca paled. “You’ve continued to pay his salary to us. I have to admit, I didn’t stop to think what that would mean.”
“Believe me, I’d like to keep on paying his salary indefinitely. If business were booming, we could. But you know we’re putting most of our profit back into the agency.”
“You have to do what’s best for the company. Hire someone to take Gabe’s place. We’ll…manage somehow.”
He could tell from the panic in her eyes that she had no idea how her family would manage.
“What about Gabe’s life insurance? Will that tide you over until we can pay you a dividend?”
“He let the policy lapse.”
Rick swore under his breath. How could Gabe have been so careless?
Simple. Gabe hadn’t intended to drop dead at forty-two.
There was no way Rick could pull the rug from beneath Becca. He’d simply have to continue with eighty-hour workweeks and hope for the best. “Forget I said anything. Maybe I can delegate some of Gabe’s duties.”
“What about me? Why don’t I pick up some of the slack?”
“Becca, you’ve got a full-time job of your own at the salon, plus the agency’s accounts receivable and three kids who are grieving for their father. With elderly in-laws, your plate is already too full.”
He didn’t add that it would be nearly impossible to work that closely with her and not be reminded of what they’d shared. And what he feared they’d lost.
Their meals arrived, giving them a moment of respite from the heavy topic.
“This business meant the world to Gabe,” she said. “He wouldn’t want it jeopardized.”
“He wouldn’t want his family jeopardized, either.”
“Then why did he let the policy lapse?” Becca’s confusion and frustration were evident in her voice.
“You meant the world to him, Becca.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that? If I meant the world to him he wouldn’t have left me.”
“He didn—”
“Logically, I know he didn’t choose to leave us. I know he never intended to need that policy, either. But he did. And I can’t help but feel a little…shell-shocked.” Blinking away tears, she said, “Things were so good between us. I can’t believe he’s gone, Rick.”
He patted her hand. His voice was rough when he said, “I know. Neither can I.”
“You know what scares me most? That I might give up. That I’ll curl up in a ball and give up. What will my children do then?”
Rick rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. His eyes were warm with concern. “Becca, I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for you. But I’ve known you during good times and bad, and the one thing I can tell you is that you’re strong. You’ll get through this.”
“I’m a fake, Rick. Inside, I’m just a scared little girl who wants Gabe to come home and make it all right.” She glanced away. “But even if by some miracle he did, I’d never be able to look him in the eye. Because of what I did.”
“What we did.”
Becca wiped her eyes. “I blame myself. The guilt wakes me up in the middle of the night.”
“Becca, listen to me. The guilt will eat you alive if you don’t acknowledge that, technically, we did nothing wrong.”
“Oh, please. Technically, my husband was barely in the grave and I seduced his best friend.”
“Shh.” Rick glanced around. “Calm down.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I’m very calm. You seem to be in the unenviable position of being the one person with whom I can be honest. The one person who has seen me at my worst during this crisis and still manages not to hate me as much as I hate myself.” She stood. “I’m going to leave before I unload more on you than either of us is comfortable with. Give me the books and I’ll return them tomorrow.”
Rick complied, watching helplessly as she stalked out of the restaurant. Her half-eaten meal seemed to mock him.
And her parting shots replayed in his mind. Why on earth had she chosen to trust him? He had the feeling she didn’t know the answer any better than he did.
Rick also wondered what she could have possibly unloaded that would have shocked him more than being seduced by her in such a direct, no-holds-barred manner.
He tossed some bills on the table and went after her. Not to confront her, but to make sure she was okay.
CHAPTER THREE
BECCA WALKED OUTSIDE into the sunshine and felt the world spin. She steadied herself against the restaurant wall, hoping Rick hadn’t noticed, as he came striding up beside her.
Quickly righting herself, she glanced sideways at him.
He seemed lost in thought and didn’t comment.
When they reached her car, he kissed her on the cheek and closed the door behind her. Then stood and waited for her to start the car.
She should have found his concern reassuring. But it simply made her feel trapped. Because no matter how hard she tried, circumstances seemed to be spinning out of control. The lightheadedness wasn’t normal and she was afraid to face what it might mean.
Becca backed the car out of the space and waved. She almost made it home before her stomach rebelled and she had to pull off on a side street. Finally, her stomach settled and she was able to finish the drive.
Becca ignored the panic waiting to engulf her. She reassured herself with the thought that the queasiness had started when she’d been notified of Gabe’s death. It was a reaction to stress, nothing more.
Becca managed to keep the tears at bay until she reached home. Pulling into the garage, she pushed the control and lowered the door behind her, then unbuckled her seat belt by rote.
But her hand hovered over the ignition. It would be so easy to leave the car running and drift off into unconsciousness. There wouldn’t be any more difficult conversations, impossible decisions or agonizing days and achingly empty nights. She wouldn’t have to sleep in Gabe’s T-shirts simply to remind herself what it was like to have him near. And she wouldn’t have to dread the next forty or so years, pining for the man who had captured her heart so long ago.
When Becca thought of all the birthdays, holidays and special occasions stretching before her, the ache grew unbearable. She couldn’t imagine attending their children’s graduations without Gabe. Couldn’t stand the thought of Maya not having her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Couldn’t believe Gabe wouldn’t be there to grow old with her.
Closing