Sunshine. Pat Warren
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friend met her direct gaze. “Listen, Kurt died, you didn’t. Now, I know you’re grieving and I’m not suggesting you start dating this week. But you’re only forty-three and far too young to talk as if your life is over. I was merely suggesting you call an old college friend for some financial advice, not that you run off with him.”
But Janice wasn’t listening. “I believe some women love only one man and if something happens to him, that’s it.”
Her grief was making her melodramatic, Anna thought with a sigh. “I’m not sure I agree.”
“Tell me honestly, Anna. If something happened to Johnny, would you want to go on?”
“I would be devastated, as you are. But I would go on, because of the children and grandchildren. And for myself, because I’m not one to give up.”
“Could you love anyone after Johnny? I doubt it. Why, look at Alyssa.”
Anna took another bite of pie, wondering how she could steer this conversation to a lighter vein. “What about Alyssa?”
“We’ve talked about this before, of how Alyssa was wildly in love with Eddie Wocheck when she was young. You said you didn’t think Alyssa’s been truly happy since her father broke up that romance.”
Anna shook her head. “I don’t believe those were my exact words.”
“Pretty much. I know that you and Johnny were close to Alyssa and Eddie. I remember you said that Johnny warned Eddie that Uncle Judson would put a stop to any wedding plans, but you advised Alyssa to elope with him.”
“You’re right, I did. But today I’d probably advise her differently. Eddie had nothing then and Alyssa was the only child of the richest family in town. It’s hard for a young man to take on all that. Perhaps if they’d married, the strain on Eddie, having to prove himself, would have ruined the marriage. Didn’t Kurt ever feel intimidated marrying into the Ingalls clan?”
Janice thought that over. “Maybe a little, at first. But he drove himself and did very well rather quickly. They were never close, but Dad respected Kurt.”
“But the two of you eloped. Was that your idea or Kurt’s?”
“Kurt’s. He said he couldn’t afford a big wedding and he didn’t want to accept one paid for by my family.” Janice set aside her plate. “You know, I’ve had a lot of time to think lately and I realize now that from the beginning, I let Kurt make all the decisions. His only concession to me was finally agreeing to move to Tyler.”
“He wanted to stay in Madison?”
“He wanted us to live in Milwaukee, but I didn’t want to be that close to my father.” She let out a small laugh that had a bitter edge. “I went from one dominating man to another.” She took a sip of coffee and tasted regret.
Anna finished eating and raised her eyes to study her friend. Janice was a bright woman, but had always had a head-in-the-sand approach to life. Perhaps Kurt’s death was causing her to question and to face some harsh realities. Anna wasn’t sure Janice was altogether prepared for that. “Maybe what you need next is a man with whom you can be yourself, someone to really share with.”
“I think I have enough to cope with just recovering right now. To think of another man is not only premature, it’s ridiculous.” She stared down into her coffee cup. “Besides, what on earth would a worldly man like David Markus want with a small-town creature like me?”
Ridiculous, was it, Anna thought. Yet it was Janice who’d brought David’s name up again. “Eddie Wocheck’s been all over and yet I believe he’s very interested in seeing Alyssa, who’s lived her whole life in a small town. It isn’t where we’re from that matters as much as who we are.”
Janice waved a dismissive hand. “That’s different. They knew each other way back when and...”
“Didn’t you just tell me you went to college with David?”
“Yes, but we only dated a few times. He had this sense of obligation to his widowed mother and this burning need to succeed.”
Anna gave her a mock scowl. “Terrible traits in a man.”
But Janice was determined to make her point. “I’d be willing to bet that Eddie and Alyssa will get back together. She’s always loved him, always will. A one-man woman. Like you. Like me.”
Amused, Anna smiled. “You should be writing books, with your imagination. I don’t think it’s all that simple. Thirty years have passed. Alyssa’s not the same woman she was at nineteen and Eddie’s changed. They’ve both had a less than perfect marriage. I don’t think either one is impulsive enough to jump into anything.” Again, she met her friend’s eyes. “And I’m not convinced you’re a one-man woman, either.”
“Why do you say that? I had a good life married to a wonderful man who loved me.”
Anna had never cared very much for Kurt, but this was no time to mention that to his widow. She’d never been able to say why. There’d just been something about Kurt that had kept her from warming up to him. “Yes, you did have a good life. I only mean to point out that it is far from over.”
Janice finished her coffee thoughtfully. “I suppose you’re right, to some extent. It’s just that I feel so unfocused. I need to meet with Tom Sikes, to see what’s happening at the office. Maybe I should go back to school.”
“You really should,” Anna said encouragingly. “You’re so good with colors and fabrics that if you got your degree, you could open your own interior design studio. Liza thinks you’re a natural and she should know. She’s worked everywhere.”
“I’ll have to wait to see what the money situation is. Maybe I’ll need to get a job.”
Confusion and ambivalence were not uncommon after losing someone close, Anna knew. “It’s not too late to do either. Or both. Eber Insurance is a going concern. You could learn that business, if you feel so inclined. You know, there’s nothing quite like earning your own money to give you a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of independence.”
Janice ran a hand through her hair. “I’ve got to get a haircut, too,” she commented absently. “I know you’re right. I’ve been too dependent on Kurt, but he wanted it that way and I...well, I just drifted with it. It was easier. Now I regret not taking more of an interest.”
Anna rose. “As I said, it isn’t too late. Perhaps Kurt’s manager can help you. Or David Markus.”
There was that name again. Janice scooted out of the booth and went to the counter to pay Marge. Outside again in the chilly night air, she turned to Anna. “Thanks so much for coming with me and letting me bend your ear. You’re a good friend, Anna.”
Anna gave her a quick hug. “Anytime. Talking things out helps.”
About to start walking home, Janice paused. “Anna, why did you go to work for Dr. Phelps? Did you get tired of always being in the house or was it financial? I don’t mean to pry.”
“I wanted to. I wanted to do something that was mine alone. Johnny had his work at the plant and we shared the boardinghouse and the children. But I needed something of my own, and that independence I mentioned earlier. I think he began to respect me more, and my self-respect increased as well when I proved I could make my own way if I had to.”
“I would have thought Johnny would object to his wife working.”
“He didn’t and still doesn’t, because he knows that my working fulfills a need in me. Johnny doesn’t have this thing about needing to be in charge and in control the way Kurt did.”
She’d said it kindly, and with the best of intentions, yet it bothered Janice to hear the words. Probably because she knew Anna was right. “Kurt was a good man, Anna,” she said softly. It seemed important to remind her. And perhaps herself.
“Of