Loves Choices. PENNY JORDAN
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her face as her body trembled in the aftermath of satisfaction.
She came back to earth to find that she was still in Alexei’s arms and that strangely she wanted to remain there. Her lips were pressed against his throat, his skin warm and salty, her body entwined with his, her mind trying to comprehend what had happened. When the Sisters had discussed the sexual act they never mentioned this. The pleasure was a man’s; a woman found hers in the children she would ultimately bear.
Hard on the heels of pleasure came pain and self-disgust, how could she have behaved so wantonly, so abandonedly? She tensed and tried to pull away, but Alexei’s arms merely tightened.
How triumphant he must be, probably laughing at her naïvety and surrender! Tears stung her eyes and she raised her hand to brush them away, tensing when she felt Alexei’s mouth against her lashes, his tongue delicately licking away the salt moisture.
‘I hate you for what you’ve done to me,’ she told him in a low voice that trembled.
His mouth stilled, and then placed a light kiss against her skin, his hands framing her face as he tilted it upwards.
‘No, little one,’ he said softly. ‘You hate yourself for responding to me. That is only natural, but it will pass. There is no shame in finding pleasure in someone’s caresses. I am not ashamed of telling you that I look forward to the day when your hands and lips explore my body with as much pleasure as I have explored yours.’ He felt her tense and pull away and laughed.
‘It is all so very shocking, is it not, but I promise you that will soon pass, and there will come a day when you cease to be embarrassed or humiliated by your body’s sensuality, and instead find pleasure in knowing yourself so responsive to the caresses of a lover.’
‘You are not my lover,’ Hope threw back at him. ‘You are simply a man who has taken me because he wants to be revenged on my father.’
‘And that is why you are so angry, isn’t it?’ he said, watching her. ‘Because there is no love between us? Sometimes two people love each other very much and yet are unable to find the physical pleasure together we have just experienced. Love and sexual satisfaction do not always go together, mon petit, and of the two, I’m afraid I much prefer the latter.’
Cynical, loathsome creature, Hope thought bitterly. Her skin burned when she thought of how he had touched her, and how she had responded. She wanted to pull out of his arms, but he wouldn’t let her, and her body traitorously wanted to remain entwined with his. She felt physically sick whenever she thought of what had happened—of how he had touched her and how she had felt. It must have been the wine, she would never have allowed him to touch her like that if she hadn’t drunk it. He had talked about them sharing ‘pleasure’, but at least then she had retained her self-respect and her pride, now … Shivering, she told herself she must try and get some sleep, although how she was supposed to do that when every breath from the man lying against her brought his body into contact with hers, she didn’t know.
‘Wake up, sleepyhead, I’ve brought you your breakfast, and the morning papers. Sorry to wake you so early, but I have to leave in an hour.’
Groggily, Hope opened her eyes and struggled to sit up, realising too late that she was completely naked, her eyes angrily daring Alexei to look at her as she reached for the protection of the covers.
How long had he been awake? He was wearing a formal business suit, and an immaculate white shirt, the suit emphasising the lean, powerful lines of his body. Against her will, Hope found herself remembering things from the night, a dark, painful tide of colour sweeping over her body.
‘Hope, you must learn that there was nothing to be ashamed of in what happened between us last night. The fault is perhaps mine in that I didn’t fully realise how uninformed the Sisters had kept you, and that it had never occurred to you that you might feel as you did. Am I right?’
Wishing him a thousand miles away, Hope could only wonder at his ability to remain so clinically detached when he asked such intimate questions, the mere sound of which was enough to subject her to another wave of burning heat.
‘The Sisters said that it was men who … who … experienced … pleasure,’ she managed at last, knowing that he wouldn’t go until he had received his answer.
‘And you believed them?’ He had come to sit beside her. She felt the bed depress under his weight and tried to move away, but his hands were on her shoulders, pulling her into a sitting position, her arms folding instinctively over the sheet she had tucked around her body.
‘I … I don’t know …’
‘Umm. What I think you mean is that you had perhaps read that it wasn’t always so, but never expected to experience it for yourself. Only a certain kind of women experience sexual pleasure, that’s what you thought, I suspect?’
He had gauged her thoughts so accurately that Hope could only nod dumbly. ‘I should have talked to you more, prepared you for what you would experience, although something tells me that you would not have believed me, so perhaps after all … Try not to hate yourself too much, Hope. I shall be away for several days, and although I have given instructions to Pierre that you are not to leave the château, my library is at your disposal. Every day I receive several journals and papers from Paris. You might find it educational to read them and discover more about the world you are shortly to enter. That way it may not come as such a culture shock.’
‘You are going away?’ Hope was appalled by the sense of panic that gripped her, the longing to clutch hold of his immaculate jacket and beg him to stay. To punish herself for such a stupid weakness, she added bitterly, ‘I should have thought you would lose no time in whisking me off to the Caribbean to flaunt me before my father, or do you want to savour your vengeance?’
‘Revenge, like a fine wine, matures with keeping,’ he agreed, smiling at her. ‘But you are far from ready to be “flaunted”, as you put it, before your father yet. Only when you are ready to welcome my caresses will we seek out your father. I want him to know that you come to me willingly.’
‘Never!’
He laughed softly, getting up from the bed.
‘Most assuredly you will, and I confess that when you do, my pleasure will not come completely from the fact that I have accomplished another step on the road to fulfilment of my vow to avenge Tanya. You yourself are proving an unexpected bonus, mon petit,’ he informed her lazily. ‘I confess last night, hearing the cries of pleasure on your lips, made me forget why you were in my arms and think only of the pleasure of having you there. Go and shower, and I will pour our coffee.’ He looked up at her and laughed at her expression. ‘Ah, no, you are quite safe this morning, I have no intention of following you there, but perhaps on another occasion … if you were to ask me nicely …’
His laughter followed her into the bathroom, reinforcing her bitter anger. He had humiliated her by subjecting her body to physical need, by kidnapping her and holding her prisoner, and all he could do was laugh. Well, she would show him. Somehow, during the time he was away, she would find a defence against him. What happened last night was not going to happen again!
When she returned from the bathroom he glanced up at her, indicating the chair opposite him. Feeling at a disadvantage wrapped in a towelling robe when he was formally dressed, Hope sat down, picking up the cup of coffee he had poured, inhaling the rich fragrance, studying him over the rim as he read his paper.
‘Taking an inventory?’ His lazy amusement unnerved her, her hands shaking as she gripped her coffee cup.
‘I was just thinking,’ she lied, hastily looking away, flushing when he laughed, and said softly:
‘Liar.’
Before she could repudiate his comment, he passed her one of the papers, her eyes automatically scanning the headlines as she took it from him. Current affairs were included in the school curriculum, but they had been taught as dry, dusty facts, and Hope found her interest growing as she read the front-page stories.
‘You