The Baby Issue. Jennifer Taylor
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bedroom. Although the jacket had saved her from getting completely soaked through, her jeans were sodden and she needed to change them.
She stripped them off and draped them over the back of a chair to dry then picked up a brush to tidy her hair. It was months since she’d had it cut and it reached way past her shoulders now. She fastened it up into a ponytail with a bright green elasticated bobble then grimaced when she caught sight of herself in the dressing-table mirror. She couldn’t help thinking how at odds the youthful hairstyle was with her burgeoning figure.
She turned sideways to the mirror, pulling the baggy T-shirt taut across the full swell of her breasts and the pronounced curve of her belly. Day by day her body was changing as the baby grew. In one way it was exciting to see the evidence of what was happening but in another it was scary. She couldn’t help wondering how she would feel as her pregnancy advanced. Would she feel proud of the new life growing inside her or simply ugly when her body became even more swollen?
‘Thanks for the tracksuit. Not quite the perfect fit, shall we say…’
Anna’s head swung round and she felt a wave of sickness hit her when she saw Ben standing in the doorway. At any other time she might have found the sight of him standing there with his muscular arms and legs poking out of her tracksuit amusing. However, she had absolutely no desire to laugh when she saw the dawning shock that crossed his face.
She let go of the T-shirt abruptly so that its concealing folds hid her stomach from view, but the damage had been done. Ben had obviously guessed that she was pregnant. She could tell that from the way he was looking at her.
‘We need to talk, Anna. I’ll wait in the kitchen for you.’
He turned and strode away but for a few seconds she didn’t move. She closed her eyes, remembering how he’d looked at her. There was no doubt that he had been shocked and she could understand that. She also could understand if he was angry about her deception. But how would he feel when he found out the truth about this baby? Would he be repulsed by what she had done?
She knew that a lot of people would find what she had done totally unacceptable. She had already encountered disapproval, in fact, and from the least expected sources, yet the thought that Ben might feel the same filled her with dread.
She could deal with his shock, cope with his anger, but she couldn’t bear it if he was disgusted!
Anna opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror.
She simply couldn’t bear it.
‘I DIDN’T know if you took sugar.’
‘I don’t. Thank you.’ Anna sat down at the table and wrapped her hands around the cup Ben had placed in front of her. Her fingers felt numb with cold but even the heat from the coffee couldn’t seem to warm them.
Ben had had the coffee poured by the time she’d reached the kitchen. He had found the milk in one of the carrier bags and a jug to put it in, even emptied some sugar into a bowl. Now, as he sat down opposite her, she felt a little bubble of hysteria floating to the surface of her mind. Were they really going to sit here, politely drinking coffee, while they discussed what he had seen?
She pushed back her chair in a sudden fit of impatience. Striding to the window, she stared out at the rain for a moment then spun round to face him. She wasn’t sure exactly why she was so angry all of a sudden but there was no point in prolonging the agony.
‘I’m pregnant. You obviously gathered that from what you saw just now. The only thing I need to know now is if it is going to make any difference to me working here.’
Ben took a sip of coffee then put his cup down carefully on a table mat. ‘I assume that Adam doesn’t know?’
‘No. I deliberately didn’t tell him.’ She stared defiantly back at him, refusing to let him think that she was ashamed of what she had done.
‘I take it that you had a reason?’ he said levelly.
‘The best reason in the world—I desperately needed this job,’ she shot back, wondering why his calmness stung so much. She would almost have preferred him to speak angrily to her, to show any kind of emotion rather than that icy detachment.
‘I see. Would I be right to assume that the baby’s father is no longer on the scene?’
‘Yes.’ She gave a brittle laugh, feeling the pain welling up inside her. ‘He has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t intend to be around when this child is born so you can safely count him out.’
‘There are ways of making a man support his child financially,’ he said flatly. He picked up his cup again and she was shocked to see that his hands were shaking. It made her realise that his apparent calmness was an act and that inside he didn’t feel at all calm about what had happened.
‘I know there are,’ she said more quietly, shocked by the discovery. ‘However, I have no intention of asking him for money. I’ll manage by myself.’
‘You say that now but what about after the baby is born? How are you going to manage then?’ He slammed his cup back on the mat, seemingly uncaring that coffee slopped onto the table. ‘Principles are all well and good, Anna, but they won’t feed you. They won’t put a roof over your head or pay the bills. This child didn’t ask to be born. The least you can do is make sure that he or she is properly taken care of!’
His anger rose on a great wave, startling her by its speed and ferocity, and she blinked. ‘Of course I shall! Look, Ben, my main concern is the baby’s welfare. I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure that it is well cared for.’
‘So why won’t you make the father share some of the responsibility?’ he bit out. ‘All right, so maybe you’ve had some sort of disagreement with him, but surely you can find a way round it? You must have felt something for the guy otherwise you wouldn’t be in this situation!’
‘It’s not that simple.’ Anna could feel the heat warming her cheeks and looked away. Ben’s reaction had shaken her because it seemed too…personal, if that was the right word. ‘It isn’t just a question of making him accept responsibility.’
‘Why not?’ he demanded harshly, then suddenly stopped. Anna felt a shiver race through her. She couldn’t recall having seen such contempt on anyone’s face before. She was still trying to work out what had caused him to look at her like that when he continued, and she felt sick when she heard the disdain in his voice.
‘He’s married, isn’t he? That’s why he doesn’t want anything to do with you and the child.’
She took a deep breath, forcing the nausea to subside to a level she could deal with. Ben wasn’t looking at her now. He was staring at his coffee and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking, which was a relief. It wasn’t nice to know that he thought her capable of having an affair with a married man!
‘No, he isn’t married,’ she replied hollowly. ‘His wife is dead. She died a month ago.’
He looked up, a frown drawing his brows into a straight line. ‘Around the same time as your sister died? Didn’t you tell me that it was a month ago that it happened?’
‘That’s right.’ Suddenly Anna knew that there was no point prevaricating any longer. She had to tell him the truth even though the thought of how he might react scared her.
She sat down again, wondering why it should matter what he thought. Ben’s opinion wasn’t going to change anything; it certainly wouldn’t make any difference to the situation. Nevertheless, she knew in her heart that she wanted him to understand and not think too badly of her.
‘Jo died a month ago, a month after I found out that I was pregnant. She was so pleased. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone who was so thrilled.’ She felt