The Earl's Secret. Kathryn Jensen
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herself that when he returned she would find out one more thing about him. Just one more thing before she let herself like him any more than she already did.
So far, she had been careful. She had done nothing wrong. It was all just talk and a little flirting, the way strangers do—particularly when one is from out of town. Talk, harmless glances, a few touches. That was all.
But she felt in her bones that he wanted more. And, in truth, so did she. She wanted him to run his thumb in those little circles on the back of her hand. She wanted him to call her “luv,” in that playful, un-aristocratic, bad-boy way. She wanted him to touch her where his eyes had suggestively rested as they discussed Queen Mary’s baths.
All this, even though she knew in her heart that they had no more than a few days to share. But first she had to know if there was another woman in his life.
As Christopher drove out of the city in the Jag, his thoughts turned from one female to another. Lisa was the most precious thing in his life. Yet she had never really belonged to him. Ever since he had learned he was to be a father, eight years ago, he had set aside all else for the child. Whatever was best for her came first.
When a woman he had had a brief affair with told him that she was going to have his baby, Christopher initially had been shocked and troubled. He immediately offered to marry her, only to discover she wasn’t interested in marrying him. His masculine pride took a hard hit, but another part of him was relieved. He knew he didn’t love her, and she was quite honest about her lack of feelings for him.
“Our marrying,” he remembered her saying coldly, “would be stupid. I’ve already told Sir Isaac, my fiancé, about the problem. He’s fine with it. Really. As long as we publicly let on that the baby is his, for the time being.”
At first this had seemed fine to Christopher. He’d been let off the hook. But when Lisa was born, he couldn’t stay away from the hospital. And at the instant his gaze settled over her tiny pink face and crystal-blue eyes, he lost his heart. From that day on he had done all he could, without going back on his promise, to see his little daughter and support her in any way he could.
He became an official friend of the family. As soon as she could speak, Lisa took to calling him Uncle Chris. If he was lucky, the nurse would bring the little girl down to greet houseguests, which often numbered in the dozens. Lisa grew from fragile infant to delightfully rambunctious toddler, to a charmingly intelligent child who favored wearing her riding jodhpurs and helmet over white eyelet and pink ribbons. He never tired of talking to her or reading her stories. And she always seemed just as happy to see him.
When she was old enough to go to school, he offered to pay her tuition. All her mother had to do was choose the school. Much to his dismay, instead of selecting one of the better London institutions, Sandra Ellington chose her own alma mater in southern Scotland. So very far from London, where he lived.
Determined not to lose contact with Lisa, he had secured a position for himself on the board of regents at St. James School for Girls. He had been present at nearly all school functions in the past year that she had attended, particularly when Lisa’s mother couldn’t be, and he dropped in on the campus whenever possible. He aggressively solicited funds for the new addition to the school from his many social contacts while sharing Lisa’s triumphs with pride.
Time passed so very quickly. Christopher prayed for the day when Sandra would do as she had promised him years before and tell her daughter about her real father. “I’m just waiting until she’s old enough to comprehend all of this. It’s a delicate issue for a young girl,” she reminded him whenever he asked.
Now he was beginning to wonder if she ever would reveal his identity to Lisa. Fear alternated with helpless anger. His hands were tied, his silence expected, and emptiness gnawed at his soul.
He knew it wouldn’t be right to act without permission from the child’s mother. After all, she must understand her daughter better than anyone. What if he risked revealing all to Lisa, and the girl refused to believe him? Their warm relationship would be destroyed. Worse yet, she might feel betrayed because he had lied to her all of these years, pretending to be an honorary uncle when he really was her father. She might hate him. He couldn’t bear that.
And so he continued to wait and hope for a time when he could embrace his daughter and tell her how much he loved her…had always loved her.
As it turned out, Lisa’s class was on a field trip that day and he couldn’t see her at all. Disappointed, he picked up his copy of the builder’s contracts for the addition from the administration office, then drove back into the city. He would need to review them before the board meetings. The urge was stronger than ever to cherish and protect the little girl who might never know his secret burden.
“The Royal Mile was wonderful!” Jennifer cried when she saw Christopher waiting for her outside the Caledonia. “I bought a ton of great stuff, and I almost never shop while leading a tour!”
He had been under such an oppressive cloud since he left St. James that he’d feared his spirits would not be lifted even by seeing her again. But just the sight of her sunny face and sparkling eyes did wonders for him. She gave him something other than his troubles to think about.
“I’m glad,” he said, at the moment more interested in the lovely glow of her cheeks than her shopping victories. An intriguing thought shot unbidden through his mind. Just how far down her body did that glow extend? The length of her long, sweet throat was rosy with excitement, but her collar stood obstinately in the way. Would her breasts be flushed as well?
He felt himself react to the image, then immediately warned himself to get a grip. He liked her; she excited him. That, after all, must be the end of it. When he was younger, he had effortlessly picked up girls and, if they were willing, made careless love. American coeds had been attracted to his English accent like moths to the proverbial flame. And when he let slip his title in casual conversation…instant melt-down. A quick hop into bed.
But after Lisa came into the world, he took sex far more seriously. His liaisons became infrequent, cautiously and safely executed. He had learned he wasn’t the sort of man who could spread his progeny with abandon. He considered himself responsible for little Lisa.
There was also a change in the way he allowed himself to feel about women. If they were so easily able to enjoy one man’s pleasures then go off with another for reasons of prestige or money or pure flightiness, he would never again let himself feel anything enduring for one of them. It was a matter of self-preservation.
But Jennifer was incredibly desirable. She would tempt any man to throw off caution as quickly as a topcoat at the first bloom of spring. He must be careful…very careful, he reminded himself.
Having completed the afternoon’s tours, the group had returned to the hotel for a hearty meal. Early-evening excursions had been arranged by those wanting to pack more into their day, while others discussed going to the theater or a quiet game of cards in the lounge.
“Looks like you’ll have some time to fill before turning in,” Christopher said after Jennifer bade her crew a good evening.
“Yes,” she said. “But I need to check in with my mother and pack for London.”
“I see.” So tomorrow she would indeed be gone. He sighed inwardly. In the little time he’d spent with her, she’d been good for him. When he was with her, his thoughts seemed lighter, the day somehow brighter, more tolerable. He dwelled less on his mistakes. Or maybe that was all romantic hogwash, and he just wanted to sleep with her. A good dose of lust definitely took a man’s mind off his troubles.
“Thank you for all you’ve done,” she murmured, laying her hand on his arm, making him even more aware of the sweet scent wafting up from her skin. She stood close to him. So close he could easily slip his arm around her waist and pull her against him. Right here in the lobby. Why not? “Everyone has said,” she continued breezily, “what a wonderful treat it has been, your taking us around today.”
He forced out the correct, civil words and even gave her a polite smile. “No