Beautiful Child: The story of a child trapped in silence and the teacher who refused to give up on her. Torey Hayden
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board down on him too, irate that he should be bribing children to learn. From then on, the term “using M&Ms” became a code among staff at our school for any kind of subversive behavior.
Initially I’d been very impressed with Bob’s M&M system because it did work so effectively. It appealed to the kids on such a basic level that virtually all of them responded positively to some degree, and as most of them had already been labeled “unteachable” or “hopeless,” I felt the end justified the means. Moreover, I liked the obvious practicality of it all. Consequently, even though I didn’t know much about the theory behind behaviorism, I participated happily during the time I worked with Bob.
Later, however, as I became more experienced and better educated, I could see flaws in such a system and now seldom used behavioral techniques in their stricter forms. However, I still knew them to be effective tools when used judiciously, and I was never someone to throw away something useful.
When Julie came in that afternoon, I had her supervise the boys while I sat down with Venus. This involved the whole cumbersome process of moving Venus to the table, putting her into a chair, and pushing it in. She did none of it herself.
I took the chair across the table from her. Lifting up the bag of M&Ms, I waggled it in front of her. “Know what these are?”
“I know what they are, Teacher!” Billy shouted from clear over on the other side of the classroom. This made all the other boys look up.
“Yes, and if you get your work done, you can have some afterward, just like Venus,” I said. “If you get your work in your folder done. But for now I need private time with Venus, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt.”
Julie endeavored to reorient the boys. I reached across the table and moved Venus’s face so that she was looking at me. I shook the bag in front of her again. “Do you know what this is?” I had hoped for a spark of recognition in her eyes, but there was nothing. She stared through me. “Candy. Do you like candy?”
Nothing.
I opened the bag and spilled several colorful M&Ms across the tabletop.
No response. She continued to stare at my face.
Picking up one of the candies, I reached over and pushed it between her lips. I did it cautiously because I didn’t want to set her off and I feared that if she felt threatened by my movement, it might. The M&M just sat there, hanging half in, half out of her mouth.
“Hooo!” Billy cried gleefully. “Look at psycho! She doesn’t even know what to do with it. It’s candy, stupid! You’re supposed to eat it. Here, Teacher, give me some. I’ll show her.” And before I could respond, Billy was galloping across the room toward me.
“Me too! Me too!” Shane and Zane cried, almost in one voice. They too bolted from their chairs.
Only Jesse remained behind. “I’m not supposed to eat candy,” he said prissily. “It makes me hyperactive.”
Billy lunged forward, grabbing up the M&Ms on the table between Venus and me. “I love these,” he said cheerily and popped a handful in his mouth. “Here, girlie, see? You eat ’em. Crunch, crunch, crunch, like this.” He made a big, open-mouthed show of masticating.
Billy hadn’t touched Venus. He hadn’t even bent close, but something in his behavior must have seemed threatening because Venus suddenly erupted. She let out a loud, ululating shriek and leaped up from the chair. Grabbing hold of Billy by the throat, she crashed to the floor on top of him. Bits of half-eaten M&Ms flew everywhere. Billy fought loose, got up, and tore off in terror. Venus leaped to her feet and took after him, all the while screaming her singular, high-pitched scream.
Julie and I took after both of them. Chairs fell. Tables screeched as they were pushed aside. The twins, manic with excitement, joined in the chase, screaming and yelling too. Convulsing with tics, Jesse leaped up on top of the bookshelf.
“She’s gonna kill me! She’s gonna kill me!” Billy shrieked.
“Billy, stop running. Come here. Don’t keep running; you’re making it worse.”
“No way I’m gonna stop!”
“Zane, sit down! Shane!”
The noise level in the room would have drowned out a jet engine. At just that moment I was extremely glad we were not down near the office where we could be heard.
At last Julie caught hold of Billy. Venus flung herself against them, and I grabbed her, pulled her back in a bear hug.
Venus reacted violently to this. She fought against my grip, rocking back and forth rapidly, knocking her head repeatedly against my chest. She kicked viciously back at my legs. In an effort to force her into a sitting position so that she couldn’t hurt me, I sank down to my knees. Even though I was much taller and heavier, I had a hard time bringing her into a sitting position.
“Julie, help me,” I said.
Leaving the frightened boys over by the windows, Julie crossed to where Venus and I were struggling on the floor.
“I need to stop her legs. Take hold of them.”
Tentatively, Julie reached forward.
“You’re going to need to be more forceful than that,” I grunted through the effort of keeping hold of Venus. “Just grab them and push down until they’re against the floor.”
Again, Julie reached down hesitantly.
“Help me. I’m going to lose my grip in a minute. Just grab her legs. Sit on them, if you must. I need to stop her kicking.”
Julie managed to catch hold of Venus’s legs. She leaned forward, pinning them to the floor.
This made things worse. Venus screamed louder and struggled harder.
“Calm down,” I whispered in her ear.
She shrieked.
“Calm down, Venus. When you stop screaming, I’ll let go. Until then, I need to hold you.”
Louder still she went, so loud, in fact, that I could feel my eardrums vibrating.
“No. You need to stop screaming. When you stop, I’ll let go.”
Still she hollered painfully loudly.
“Calm down. Quietly, quietly.”
“I can’t do this,” Julie moaned.
I couldn’t tell what she meant, but assumed she had chosen a wrong position and didn’t have a good grip on Venus’s legs. “Just hang on. It’ll be okay in a moment.”
“I’m hurting her.”
“No, you’re not. You’re fine. Just keep her legs against the floor.”
“I’m really uncomfortable with this, Torey.”
“Just hang on. Please. Just a little longer.”
Throughout this exchange, Venus screamed nonstop.
“Come on, sweetheart,” I said, bending close to Venus’s ear. “Come on, now. Calm down. Quietly, quietly. Then I’ll let go.”
But as it turned out, the decision wasn’t mine to make. “Torey, I just can’t do this,” Julie said. “I know I’m hurting her and it just feels wrong.” And she let go, rising up and backing away.
That was all Venus needed. The small shift in balance was enough for her to break free of my grip. In an instant she was to her feet, to the door, through it, gone.
For a long, stunned moment I just stared after her. Then I glanced around quickly at the boys and Julie. “Look after them,” I said. Then I took off out the door myself.