NLP Workbook: A practical guide to achieving the results you want. Joseph O’Connor
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of the one person.
Mind and body interact and influence each other. It is not possible to make a change in one without the other being affected. When we think differently, our bodies change. When we act differently, we change our thoughts and feelings.
11 We process all information through our senses.
Developing your senses so they become more acute gives you better information and helps you think more clearly.
12 Modelling successful performance leads to excellence.
If one person can do something, it is possible to model it and teach it to others. In this way everyone can learn to get better results in their own way. You do not become a clone of the person you are modelling – you learn from them.
13 If you want to understand, act.
The learning is in the doing.
| WHAT DOES NLP DO? |  |
NLP brings about self-development and change. First you use it to work on yourself to become the person you really want to be and can be. Also, you work on yourself so that you can effectively help others.
I do a lot of air travel and at the beginning of every flight, when you have sat down and put your seat belt on, the staff have you at their mercy and they go through the safety procedures. At this point the frequent fliers bury themselves in the in-flight magazine, because they have heard it all before and some of them could recite it by heart. But I always remember one thing about those safety procedures – if the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks drop down and you should put them on before helping anyone else. Why? Because if you don’t put your own mask on, you could pass out and then you are no good to anyone – yourself or another person.
Self-development is the equivalent to putting your own mask on first. The more you know about yourself, the more you are able to help others.
NLP is not about fixing other people and neglecting yourself.
Put your own mask on first!
When you approach change and self-development, you need to be congruent, in other words you need to be determined to succeed and believe in what you are doing. Congruence means that you are committed to making the change, so that you do not sabotage yourself.
Secondly, you need to establish rapport, in other words work within a relationship of trust and mutual influence.
Thirdly, you need to establish what you want to achieve in that change.
Then you can apply one of the many patterns, techniques or combinations of patterns that NLP has developed for change and learning.
Your result must be ecological, so it fits into the wider picture without any unfortunate consequences for yourself or others.
Lastly, you ‘future pace’, that is, you mentally rehearse the new change and learning. This reinforces it and means that you will remember to act differently when the time comes to test what you have learned.
| ECOLOGY | |
Ecology is a concern for the overall system. An ecology check is when you consider how the change you are making fits into the wider system. You check that what looks like a good change in one part of a system does not cause problems in other areas. Many personal and organizational changes fail because the system boundary is drawn too narrowly and the ‘side-effects’ turn out to be major headaches. An ecology check is like checking a drug for bad side-effects even if it cures the illness.
As part of an NLP technique, an ecology check ensures that NLP does not become manipulative, that your actions do not lead to your gain and another person’s loss. You also check that the change another person makes harmonizes with the rest of their life and relationships. An ecology check for yourself ensures that you do not manipulate yourself, forcing yourself into some course of action that you will come to regret later or that will hurt another person badly.
All actions have consequences beyond their specific context. Our lives are complex and a change will ripple out like a stone dropped into a still pool. Some changes make stronger ripples than others. Some ripples will wash away; some may disturb the surface far more than you thought. A few may even become tidal waves.
Internal Ecology
An internal ecology check is when you check with your own feelings that a course of action would be a wise one to follow. The ecology of your physical body is shown in your physical health. Your mental ecology is shown by your feelings of congruence or incongruence.
Incongruence is the feeling that the change has consequences that are uncertain (so you need more information), or are negative (so you need to think again). Incongruence is not bad, but you need to be aware of it and explore why you are feeling it.
For an internal ecology check the questions you need to ask are:
‘What are the wider consequences of my action?’
‘What will I lose if I make this change?’
‘What extra will I have to do?’
‘Is it worth it?’
‘What will I gain if I make this change?’
‘What is the price of making this change and am I willing to pay it?’
‘What are the good aspects of the present state?’
‘How can I keep those good aspects while making the change I want?’
Listen, feel and look carefully for your answers.
A typical incongruent response will be an uneasy feeling, usually in the stomach. A visual incongruence is often a sense of the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle not making sense. The classic incongruent phrase is ‘Yes, but . . .’
Sometimes when you do an ecology check, the unpleasant consequences may be very clear and you may need to rethink your outcome. Other times you may get an intuition that all is not well without being able to say exactly why. This intuition is an unconscious indication that the change is not completely ecological. Always pay attention to your intuitions and feelings of incongruence.
External Ecology
Internal ecology shades into external ecology because we are all part of a wider system of relationships. Internal and external ecology are two different perspectives on the same system. An external ecology check examines how your outcome will affect other significant people in your life.
Make a leap of the imagination and become them.
How will your change affect them?
Does it go against any of their values?
Does this matter?
How will they react?
Ecology checks are part of systemic thinking. Optimizing one part of a system invariably leads to the whole system working less well than it did. For example, suppose a man decides to lose weight and get fit in a moment of madness on New Year’s Eve. He takes up squash and goes to the gym three times a week, thinking that the more he does, the better it will be. Because his body is unused to the effort, he pulls a muscle and becomes tired and lethargic. Then he can’t exercise, becomes depressed, does even less and may end up even less active and even heavier than he was at the year’s end, and with a bill for physiotherapy and a subscription to a gym that he has hardly used as well.
Ecology is important in organizations too. A big sales push may result in a leap in sales that puts pressure on the manufacturers to meet the demand. If they are unable to deliver, this will lead to more dissatisfied customers, a rise in customer complaints and a subsequent loss