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      I’ve forgotten the name of the Portuguese photographer who went back to pick up his film from the Rainbow Warrior at just the wrong moment.

      I’ve forgotten ‘Mental AIDS‘.

      I’ve forgotten Jean Lecanuet and Sigue Sigue Sputnik. And Bjorn Borg.

      I’ve forgotten Opera Night, the Eldorado and Rose Bonbon.

      I’ve forgotten the names of all the Lebanese hostages apart from Jean-Paul Kauffmann.

      I’ve forgotten the make of car from which they lobbed the bomb into Tati on the rue de Rennes (Mercedes? BMW? Porsche? Saab Turbo?).

      I’ve forgotten there used to be two-tone black and brown Westons.

      I’ve forgotten sweets like Treets, Trois Mousquetaires and Daninos.

      I’ve forgotten Fruité used to come in a purple apple and black¬ currant flavour.

      I’ve forgotten the Partenaire Particulier group and ‘Peter and Sloane’. And Annabelle Mouloudji. And ‘Boule de Flipper’ by Corinne Charby! (Actually, that’s one I do remember.)

      I’ve forgotten the International Diplomatic Academy, France– America, the American Legion, the Cercle Interallié, the Automobile Club de France, the Ermenonville Pavilion, the Pavilion des Oiseaux, the Pré Catelan and the swimming pool at Tir aux Pigeons.

      (That’s not quite true, who could forget THE SWIMMING POOL AT TIR AUX PIGEONS skinny-dipping at four in the morning with the dogs right behind us?)

      Downstairs, dinner has been served. Marc finally tracks down his table. His name is written on a small manila card between Irène de Kazatchok (the décolleté deaconess) and Loulou Zibeline (a pretty cool entrepreneuse). They haven’t arrived yet. Which one will Marc hit on first? Unless maybe they decide to take turns snogging him? His right hand down someone’s blouse and his left hand on the other’s arse. Marc’s penis is almost hard at the thought.

      God be praised! Marc’s daydream is interrupted by a useful ally: Fab. This useful ally is wearing some sort of skin-tight, fluorescent lycra outfit. His head is shaved so that you can read the word ‘FLY’ on his bleached blond temple. Fab could be the result of Jean-Claude Van Damme mating with a Ninja Turtle. He speaks only in trance-speak. He is the sweetest moron on the planet, it’s just a pity for him he was born a century too early.

‘Yo chestnut tree.* Lookin’ pretty fresh there!’

      ‘Yeah, Fab. Actually, we’re at the same table.’

      ‘Phat! I gotta feeling this is gonna be massive!’

      Tedium, it would seem, is not an option.

* Author’s note: Marronnier in English is ‘chestnut tree’. English is very trance.

       9.00 P.M.

      As I write, night is falling and people are going to dinner.

      Henry Miller Quiet Days in Clichy

      Groups form, forms group. Sooner or later we will sit down. The people standing around might be considered the elite of Western nightlife civilisation. Hundreds of Α-list celebs and a smattering of Bs who might well be dubbed the ‘Indispensable Ineffectuals’.

      Money drips from everywhere. Anyone carrying less than 20k in hard cash on him looks suspect. And yet no one is showing off. All these despots secretly want to be artists. You have to be a photographer, an editor (even a deputy editor), a TV producer, ‘just finishing a novel’, or a serial killer. Nothing could be more suspect here than the absence of an opus. Marc Marronnier filched a copy of the guest list so as to have a better idea of the guests. Glancing through it, he is reassured: the same faces he met last night, the same ones he will meet tomorrow night.

      Those placed upstairs are happy to have a table. Those downstairs are happy not to be at one of the tables upstairs.

      A NIGHT IN SHIT

      Inaugural Dinner – VIP List

      Gustav von Aschenbach

      Suzanne Bartsch

      Patrick Bateman

      The Baer Brothers

      Henri Balldur

      Gilberte Bérégovoy

      Helmut Berger

      Lova Berandin

      Leigh Bowery

      Manolo de Brantos

      Carla Bruni-Tedeschi

      The Castel Family

      Pierre Celeyron

      Chamaco

      Louise Ciccone

      Clio

      The Albans of Clérmont-Tonnerre

      Matthieu Cocteau

      Daniel Cohn-Bendit

      Francesca Dellera

      Jacques Derrida

      Antoine Doinel

      Boris Elstine

      Fab

      The Favier sisters

      His Excellency Geoffrey Firmin, consul

      Paolo Gardénal

      Agathe Godard

      Jean-Michel Gravier

      Jean-Baptiste Grenouille

      The Hardissons

      Faustine Hibiscus

      Ali de Hirschenberger

      Audrey Horne

      Herbert W. Idle, IV

      Jade Jagger

      Joss + friends

      Solange Justerini

      Foc Kan

      Irène de Kazatchok

      Christian and Françoise Lacroix

      Marc Lambron

      Marjorie Lawrence

      Serge Lentz + the tigress

      Arielle Levy +2

      Roxanne Lowit

      Homero Machry

      Benjamin Malaussène

      Marc Marronnier

      Elsa Maxwell

      Baron von Meinerhof

      Virginie Mouzat

      Thierry Mugler

      Roger Nelson

      Constance Neuhoff

      Masoko Ohya

      Paquita Paquin

      Roger Peyrefitte

      Ondine Quinsac

      Guillaume Rappeneau

      The Rohan-Chabots and family

      Gunther Sachs

      Eric Schmitt

      William K. Tarsis, III

      Princess Goria von Thurn und Taxis

      Lise Toubon

      Baron

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