Relaxation and Meditation Techniques: A Complete Stress-proofing System. Leon Chaitow
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body responds to all such stresses in accordance with a predictable pattern of internal changes. Stress is, however, cumulative, and a relatively minor event, when added to a large existing stress load, will often prove to be more than the body’s adaptation processes can cope with. To a large extent, the breaking point can be avoided by taking care of that aspect of the stress jigsaw puzzle, most easily alterable, i.e. the personal habits, and life-style, of the individual. A change in attitude can dramatically alter the potential for damage, created by externally generated stress, but such a change is far more difficult to achieve than, for example, an improvement in rest, exercise, sleep and nutrition.
From childhood onwards, stress provides a spurt and incentive to development. The will to please others and to satisfy inner drives, are responses to needs, desires and targets or goals, set by authority, society, family, self, etc. This aspect of stress is vital to human survival and development. It is when there are inappropriate responses to such drives that stress becomes potentially harmful. Whether considering early childhood development, schooling, family life, courtship, marriage, higher education, work or retirement, life presents a kaleidoscope of stressful events, challenges, obstacles, pitfalls and sometimes tragedies. The ground on which these events fall is the personality and make-up of the individual, and since the avoidance of all stressful events and stages in life is not possible, it is this ground, the personality and belief system, that presents the main opportunity for modification, and consequent lessening of the impact of stressors.
Cardiologists, Friedman and Rosenmann, have described the ‘type A’ personality who is predisposed to heart disease. The type A individual moves, walks, talks and eats quickly. He finds it difficult to relax, sets himself deadlines, often undertakes more than one task at a time; he fidgets, is ambitious, and so on. The ‘type B’, who is much less prone to heart disease, is a direct contrast; this type moves, talks and eats slowly, is able to relax; is unambitious, avoids pressure and deadlines etc. None of this is too surprising, but what is exciting is that, when motivated (often by an early coronary), the type A can turn into a type B, by altering his behaviour, to actually copy type B mannerisms until they become habitual. There is a consequent drop in the likelihood of coronary disease following such a modification. Type A will have then adopted more desirable and appropriate responses to the needs of life, and will have enhanced his chances of long-term survival.
It is now evident that living in the present lessens the tendency to dwell on past or future events, or on anticipated events. A further aspect of this is that the nearer the individual’s concept of reality is to actual life, the less stress there will be created. Reality may not always be the same for all people, but in many daily situations, the stress felt by people is the direct result of their ‘fantasy’, of how things should be, being at odds with reality. My ‘fantasy’, for example is that when people make appointments they ought to keep them, and what is more, they ought to be on time. In reality, however, this is often not the case. The annoyance and stress which is generated every time an appointment is missed and someone is late, could be avoided if I could bring my fantasy closer to real life, i. e. anticipate that people will, by the nature of things, be late for or will actually forget to keep their appointments from time to time.
In terms of attitudes to life and events, such thoughts or phrases as ‘if only …’ or ‘it should have been like …’, or ‘wouldn’t it have been nice if …’ indicate a failure to accept reality or an unwillingness to accept what has actually happened. This type of ‘fantasy’ may appear harmless, but it is as potentially stressful as dwelling in the past or future. It is, in fact, another facet of that same tendency. ‘Be there now’ is the best piece of advice for such an individual to bear in mind. Life is in the ‘here and now’. In the past, the future and the ‘if only’ lie shadows, demons and stress. Nowhere is this more evident than in personal relationships, whether this be at work or in the home environment. Much stress results from an inability to express feelings clearly, without becoming upset. If feelings are expressed inadequately, then hostility and anger will often develop. Once again, many such stresses relate to differences of opinion as to what is, and what is not reality. Interpersonal relationships require that individuals express their feelings clearly and in a non-hostile manner, and that they are then prepared to listen to a similar expression of the other individual’s views, without feeling ‘got at’ or under attack. This is the ideal of course, and it may be difficult to achieve because of long-held attitudes and firmly-rooted personality traits, but it is, undoubtedly, the way to ensure non-stressful relationships. Seeing reality in the present, the ability to deliver unbiased, non-hostile expressions of opinion, and the ability to listen are, then, qualities to be cultivated.
In personal relationships, much tension is generated as a result of unfulfilled expectations. If one party anticipates a gesture or form of recognition (such as a birthday card or telephone call), which does not materialize, a tense and resentful attitude may ensue. Again, an ability to communicate can defuse such a situation. Errors or sins of omission are just as potentially stressful as sins of commission; i.e. non-events as opposed to actual events. If bottled up and nursed, such feelings can produce stress out of all proportions to the importance of the actual incident.
The range of possible stress factors is almost endless, and the possible permutations of reaction to them, equally so. It has been said that there are only two basic emotions, ‘like’ and ‘dislike’. All other emotions stem from variations and degrees of these prime feelings. The amazing differences in individuals, tastes, likes, dislikes and so on, makes it obvious that there is seldom any intrinsic quality in an event, object or situation, which guarantees it being universally liked or disliked (one man’s meat is patently another man’s poison). It is also worth noting that at different stages in life and under different conditions, the same individual’s ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ will vary. The conclusion may be drawn that the individual can possibly be taught, or can teach himself, to like what was previously disliked, and vice versa Thus if, because of degrees of ‘liking’ or ‘disliking’, a person’s behaviour gives rise to a more stressful existence and more problematic relationships than are desirable, reduction of stress is possible only through a basic change in attitudes. Just as type A must change from a fast-moving, fast-talking, fast-acting, fast-eating individual to one with more deliberate habits, so must the individual who says ‘that’s how I am, I can’t change!’ be made to understand that change is not only possible but desirable, and that self-interest dictates that it should be so. Changing habits and attitudes is merely a matter of understanding and recognizing them for what they are, followed by modifications in behaviour. This is easily said and, obviously, not as easily achieved. However, as will become clear, the alternatives to such behavioural modification may often be serious illness.
In considering behavioural modification – the changing of habitual attitudes and ways of responding, it is important to realize that whenever we behave in a particular manner, we reinforce the belief that lies behind that form of behaviour. If there is always an angry tantrum in response to real or imagined criticism, then the individual’s belief that this is the appropriate response will be reinforced by each such outburst. To alter the underlying belief requires an altered response. By substituting a less stressful, less provocative reaction, the belief will develop, and be reinforced that the new reaction is correct and appropriate. Obviously, in interpersonal relationships, two such modified responses may be needed and this is not easy to arrange. Once the individual realizes the role that habit plays in reinforcing undesirable modes of behaviour, it is possible to begin to change. By acting in a manner in which the other person is dealt with as you would wish to be dealt with yourself, and by expressing whatever needs to be said honestly and calmly, the opportunity will grow for a less stressful relationship. Such behaviour changes often spark changes for the better in the other half of the relationship.
It is worth noting that no-one and nothing makes you angry. You do it all on your own. Such feelings are always self-generated, and this is true of most emotions. We choose to be angry, jealous, guilty, bitter, etc. and, equally, we choose to be happy, giving, loving, etc. Our attitudes and behaviour can be self-modified, and most experiences present a choice of response – one negative and stressful and the other positive and, potentially, offering the opportunity for growth and self-knowledge– the choice remains with the individual. Attention to the stress-reducing measures presented in